- By Chief
You know what the problem is? You will shortly, because if there's something the UnSignpost does brilliantly, it is editorialise on matters of little or no significance to you or the people you know. The problem is the days of the week and the dates of the month are conspiring against the UnSignpost. As the UnSignpost team sat down on Sunday to play monopoly and, if there was time, lay out the foundations for this splendid periodical, some bright spark suggested that we cover the conclusion of VFS. What an excellent idea, we all agreed, and had completed an entire specialist 3D issue on that single topic, complete with free poster and balloons, when it was realised that we won't in fact know who has won until Thursday evening, by which time this periodical will have been dispatched and our team of journalists will once again be at home wanking themselves raw. So we binned that spectacular issue and persuaded our least able journalist to write the story instead; this was especially useful as we only have to pay him in hugs and Jelly Babies.
So VFS trundles on into its final laborious stages; some of you may remember voting a long long time ago when it was still exciting and you checked the page every day to see how your favourite candidate was doing. Now the only people checking VFS every day are Thekillerfroggy and Zombiebaron, and only then because they are winning at the moment. Obviously all that is needed to recapture the attention of the average Uncyclopedian is a header proclaiming the existence of breasts and, of course, exclusive interviews with other Uncyclopedians! Regrettably only one of those is available right now and this being the UnSignpost you can probably guess which one.
"Well I do have a plan," said Thekillerfroggy when we interviewed him about his tactics for being the winner. When pressed, he revealed that "Well I can't reveal too much but I can say that my plan involves being the winner." Clearly TKF is playing the long game, but how about Zombiebaron? "Zombiecrat!" replied Zombiebaron when we asked how he would counter TKF's ambitious strategy to be the winner, which roughly translated means that Zombiebaron plans to be the winner as well.
Third placed candidate Modusoperandi is currently sticking to his usual duties: sticking the occasional template on Ban Patrol and posting on the forums where he is occasionally racist; the best and wisest man any of us have ever known. The other obvious problem here is that we don't have any particularly active Bureaucrats (thus why we are holding this vote) to give the newly elected users their rights on Friday morning. However this is a minor detail since the voting is the fun part of any VFS and you all enjoyed that... right?
- By Chief
As we were saying last week, Dr. Skullthumper really needs a hobby, preferably one that involves very long compulsory breaks from his computer. However, undeterred by such scathing criticism, Dr. Skullthumper and Lyrithya have decided, in the name of quality, to reform the maintenance templates, leaving a queue of articles on the timestamped maintenance categories as long as the list of women that Dr. Skullthumper isn't sleeping with.
When we arrived to question the good doctor, Lyrithya demonstrated her commitment to the project by immediately saying "It was Dr. Skullthumper's fault," which at least shows she is a team player. Of course Dr. Skullthumper is far too busy to answer our questions, especially when there are problems to be solved and edit counts to be raised, so he has proposed another forest fire week because if there's anything more fun than sorting through hundreds of articles, it's tagging hundreds of them with templates. For those of you who have never seen a forest fire week it is essentially a week (duh) where users are encouraged to tag crap articles with a tag that gives them 7 days to live. All splendid and wholesome; the only issue being that for reasons best known to himself, Dr. Skullthumper has posted this idea in BHOP, so you actually have to go there in order to read it, sorry.
Of course such an idea assumes that tagging articles is fun and I'm sure you will agree it is, if you are doing it once or twice a day. Once the seven days are over you'll wish that there was no Uncyclopedia, no internet and ultimately no choice! So hurry over to cast your all-important votes, and speed us on our way to misery and clerkly drudgery!
|From our logs:
- 07:33, June 28, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 22.214.171.124 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days (Finally, a good old-fashioned page blanking, well done to you sir for defying convention so radically)
- 19:43, June 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked TheHelloGuy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (LulzSec attacking wiki security? Of course it's insecure, it's bloody MediaWiki!)
- 09:16, June 27, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 126.96.36.199 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (werespambotmanwolf)
- 03:20, June 26, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) (if i'm resurected does that mean that i'm a zombiezombiebaron?)
- 14:05, June 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 188.8.131.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days (Ass-cheese is all very well at work, but you have to switch off sometime)
- 12:26, June 23, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 184.108.40.206 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (I'm cleansing the internet of inferior lifeforms, starting with spambots.)
|Biopic of the Week
There is no biopic this week. Try not to think about that too much.
Cajek edited the wiki this week, see below.
|Cajek Ban-Smackdown of the Week
- 16:14, June 25, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 13 seconds (Hello. I don't believe I've blocked you before. )
- 15:35, June 25, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 253 seconds (Editing the wiki without due care and attention)
- 02:58, June 25, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a poop (uuuuuunnnnnnnnngggggggghhhhhh *poop*)
- 01:17, June 25, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a flock of trouts (Because.)
- 00:11, June 25, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5000000 years (WHY HAVENT I DONE THIS YET)
- 22:37, June 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a jubilation (OH MY FUCKING SHIT IT IS CAJEK!!!!!!!!!)
|Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #6,425
- Just to pop down to the shops for... porn.