- By Chief
As you would expect, April Fools day is a very important day for Uncyclopedia; since we have devoted so much time to being fools, we are expected to be able to come up with something suitably hilarious for April 1st. However as the evening of March 31st drew to a close and all of you were relaxing in your homes/shelters/kennels and chuckling at the last issue of this splendid periodical, frantic discussions were taking place over the use of the Conservapedia skin that had been created specially for the occasion.
Several users found the idea of using the Conservapedia skin to be highly unoriginal, so in the spirit of democracy it was cast to one side and three people decided to apply Wikia's wonderful Monaco skin to the entire wiki. This was an unforgivable abuse of power and position; if you would like to register a protest against such action then please drop into Uncyclopedia HQ where a customer service representative will be able to help you.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Monaco skin and had lives to lead on April 1st, we dispatched one of our roving reporters to deep behind enemy lines to soak in the atmosphere. He returned and informed us that spending a long time looking at the Wikia skin can cause pre-mature ageing, rectal bleeding and sudden blindness, in that order, if you are one of the lucky ones.*
The reskin divided the community into those who could turn the reskin off, those who couldn't and those who were just so angry that all they could do is create forums about the consequences for Uncyclopedia and the world in general.
The reskin was removed shortly after midnight on April the 2nd, apparently because of AIDS. Happy April fools day; perhaps next year we could just leave the Main Page as it is and then discuss how disgusting it is that we haven't done anything for April fools day.
*We worked this out with Science. You don't need to know how.
I hate you and your competition
- By Chief
As part of our commitment to being the worst at absolutely everything, we here at Uncyclopedia have taken a new and interesting course in article writing - a new trend of "hate articles". After the huge success of Fuck ChiefjusticeDS, several other writers have been eager to jump on the bandwagon of its success, with
classics articles like Fuck Lyrithya (recently deleted) and Fuck Under user making increasingly prominent appearances literally everywhere. We were fortunate to sit down with Mordillo several months ago when he commented on this worrying trend, and he said, "This is a very worrying trend," among other things. We assume his feelings haven't changed, at least we hope not... One thing is certain, and that is that originality is at its lowest levels since records began, shortly after the creation of Euroipods way back in 2005. Beyond that, the only thing we can be certain of is that you should be very very worried.
Speaking of originality, a whole host of new competitions seem to be hitting the village dump and the Cabal has expressed some concern as to this trend. It reminds all citizens to abide, and to consider that competitions are like Rats, quite cool when they turn up alone or a couple of times a year, but they will strip the flesh from the bone when hundreds turn up at once. The Cabal would also like to invite you to a seminar next Wednesday as part of the ongoing "Obeying the Cabal" series; this week we are focusing on obeying despite the loss of your parents, siblings and pet hamster.
|From our logs:
- 20:31, April 4, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 22.214.171.124 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (Blanking is uncreative, feeble minded, and scientifically proven to be indicative of underdeveloped genitalia.)
- 14:17, April 5, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 126.96.36.199 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (LOLWANKER)
- 08:02, April 4, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked ZachaaayVomitsRainbows (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (WINNING!!!!)
- 08:13, April 4, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 188.8.131.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days (I'm sorry I can't hear you over your crippling stupidity
- 10:09, April 4, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked YOUSUCKinator9001 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (did I mention about your mother? no?)
- n12:27, April 5, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 184.108.40.206 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months (each time you come back, you just prove yourself to be a bigger numpty. I wait with bated breath to see how much of a numpty you'll be in 3 months...)
|Biopic of the Week
Our biopic this week focusses on someone who has recently proved that you can go away, raise a barn/have a family/learn to fly/scuba dive in space, and still not lose your Uncyclopedian mojo. JackOfSpades is this persona, and after spending some time away doing something from the above list, has burst back onto Uncyclopedia and has gotten straight down to it. He's a splendid fellow, and should you sample his Pee, you will not be disappointed. I know I wasn't. Finally, some of you have been complaining that the weekly biopic consists of nothing but cheap innuendo and swearing, all we can say is oh no it isn't, you shitting wanker.
Anyway, JackOfSpades, he rocks, you suck (probably); live with it.
|Word of the week, provided by: Anonymous
(Noun) A person who is or appears lifeless, apathetic, or completely unresponsive to their surroundings. "Get off Uncyclopedia, Trevor, it's turning you into a Zombie."
OR (less commonly)
(Synonym) Administrator: "Get off Uncyclopedia. Trevor, it's turning you into an Administrator."