General news round-up
- By Chief
It has been another action-packed week on Uncyclopedia! As is our custom on such busy news weeks, the UnSignpost isn't reporting anything in particular.
Uncyclopedians all over the world were shocked to see VFH be placed under Martial Law, a development unseen since 2009. Uncyclopedia actually sucked so much that the VFH page stacked up a staggering 26 nominations at one time. Our reporters planned to attend an emergency meeting of the Cabal to discuss the matter, but inexplicably were suddenly invited to spend the day playing water polo with the Somalian Rugby Team. According to our correspondent, "They have such massive thighs!". Martial law has now ended, but it did remind us all of the good old days where martial law was a state of being and where banning Cajek was still original!
Elsewhere on the wiki, the temporary admins are still the temporary admins and we here at the UnSignpost can honestly say that watching them ban each other and delete pages has been a 24 hour hobby for the last couple of weeks. The wiki has also braced for the Great Image Exodus. Zombiebaron, having tired of slaughtering articles, has turned his smouldering gaze upon a list of Uncyclopedia's unused images. During the last week, the whole list was available for users to look at and save any images they wish to use; if you have lost an image that was close to your heart anyway, then simply contact an administrator and ask, then ask again when the first ban expires! Above all the Cabal assures users not to panic, to remain in their homes and to be sure to read the UnSignpost every Thursday!
Everything else appears to be as normal; Black flamingo11 and Lyrithya are doing a superb job of keeping Pee Review running as ChiefjusticeDS's incredible record-breaking run of apathy continues. Also, people who don't deserve it are still winning awards, but this paper is forced to accept that it will always be thus.
Finally, Uncyclopedia cannot fail to recognise the tragedy that has taken place in Japan and asks that you consider donating something to help those who have suffered and are still suffering as a result.
- By Chief
The Happy Monkey competition concluded without incident, which is a relief, since if there had been a crisis, the UnSignpost wouldn't have been able to understand why. We spent literally hours trying to figure out how it worked before concluding that it was a stupid competition and that we were above reporting on anything with Monkey written in all caps in the title. Have a look at the scoring table for yourself and if you say you know what it all means then you are going to hell for lying (reading the competition rules doesn't count; words are for losers). However by a process of adding up that we don't quite understand, competition host Shabidoo declared that Thekillerfroggy had won. A lot of hard work went into this competition from everyone involved, and as such, it deserves nothing but your contempt; hard work hasn't ever gotten anybody anywhere they wanted to be and that's a fact!
Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to the worst 100 list for this year! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the list when new things happen.
Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to Benson's House of Pancakes! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the forum immediately.
|From our logs - Attempting to ignore the temporary admins reveals a whole lot of ChiefjusticeDS:
- 23:39, March 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Rpr with an expiry time of 2 Days (It's funny because now you couldn't edit those articles even if I took the protection off! I'm witty!)
- 21:24, March 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 22.214.171.124 with an expiry time of 1 week (Am I in your house waving my willy around?)
- 22:40, March 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 126.96.36.199 with an expiry time of 1 year (Spambot, more fool you for thinking people actually read stuff here.)
- 22:31, March 9, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 188.8.131.52 with an expiry time of 1 week (It's funny because you put your friends names in an article! NOBODY HAS EVER DONE THAT BEFORE!!!)
- 12:18, March 9, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Keshama with an expiry time of 2 weeks (Inserting French Vanity. That makes you a pathetic Frenchman, which is saying something)
|Biopic of the Week
It was a fine day and the UnSignpost staff were enjoying a quick game of tiddlywinks when someone asked whether we had done a biopic for the enigma that is Jack Phoenix. After confirming that Jack Phoenix is in fact a real person, we scoured his/her (nobody is really certain) userpage for handy hints as to who he is. After lots of tests with the most high-tech equipment, we concluded that Jack Phoenix is in fact a bastard, a damn sexy bastard.
He's a fan of that guy from that show; we don't care, we didn't watch it. Jack has been knocking around the wiki since time immemorial and in that time has been there when the wiki needed him most, be it to tutor new users in becoming bastard admins or simply to clean up the mess you have made. He's like Superman and the UnSignpost only wishes it could be his Lois Lane.