The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
June 5th, 2008 • Issue 6
Sixth Issue Relies on Guest Writers
For the sixth issue of Unsignpost, guest writers from outside the fold have been chosen to write a bunch of stupid crap. Among them are the illiterate administrator Zombiebaron and reformed drug mule ThePaleOne. The community's outcries were heard soon afterwards, probably.
Jack Phoenix, a respected Wikia staff member, said of one of the articles "Nobody cares about Cajek trolling Wookiepedia anymore. In fact, I'm kind of ashamed of Uncyclopedia for doing something like this. It's like I'm at a well-written version of ED." The Unsignpost staff, full of miscreants and malcontents, hung its collective head in shame and went to the corner for a sit down.
Qua, who wanted to be in this issue of Unsignpost to whore his userpage, issued a statement at the press conference located at his Mayan temple: "Why didn't they do an injoke article on the fifth issue? Am I the only one who cares? Where have the lols gone, my friends? Where have the lols gone?" In response, the Unsignpost sent a secret "Fifth Issue Of Unsignpost" article directly to Qua, where it will be housed until his death.
The Unsignpost writers, who have had a cut in pay since the leaving of Dr. Skullthumper, are now relying on the work of random people found on IRC for their inspiration. We now present to you an article in the Unsignpost by somebody else about a guy who works at the Unsignpost...
/me headdesk [note: "me" refers to the entire Unsignpost staff]
It has been reported on #uncyclopedia that Cajek, our resident editor, has been banned from the "Star Wars Wiki", Wookieepedia. There has been an outrage in the star wars community, as they find Cajek to be a charming and respectable fellow [ed note: Cajek did NOT write this!]. Even us here at the the UnSignPost believe so, ( but don't tell Cajek that! ) [ed note: I SAW THAT! YOU'RE OFF THE CASE!]
I spoke to one Cajek fan, Darth Vader, to see what kind of impact this has had on the community. "It really is tragic to see him get banned," said a distraught Vader, with tears dripping from his helmet, "I just don't understand it! How can there be no Cajek?! We've seen his greatest and sometimes his somewhat lameness. But we will be EPIC FAIL without him" Vader's emotionally wrecked state shows the devastation caused by the Wookieepedia senate's unruly vote. I just hope Palpatine wasn't behind this, I voted for him too!
I sat down with another fan, Jar Jar Binks, to discuss this radical move. "Mesa think its outrageous! Mesa no like Wookieepedia afta this! This beein worse than <insert name here>'s bombad faggotry!" And indeed it is. Personally, I denounce the Leftist Bias of Wookieepedia and their slander against Cajek. What did he ever do to them right? Personally, I hope Something really bad happens to those immature, pubescent, oxycotin sniffing children. In other news, 52% of Uncyclopedia agrees that Cajek should be set on fire on Sunday's Luau against 45% for drowned in his own discharge. 3% were undecided.
Alright. So. This is going to be cool. Because. You see. Therefore. Once upon a time. There was this really big house. Inside the house was a monster. Oh. This is a newspaper. Well, in that case, the monster was operating a grow op. Right. And the monster was named Skullthumper (because this is his fault, really, when you deconstruct it down to the last proton). Yeah!!!! But. Going onwards and upwards. The cops busted the grow op. It was fucking huge, man. THIS IS NEWS. IN THE UNSIGNPOST.
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Unprovise: Content free content anybody can edit on the content free website anybody can edit, now with extra do-whatever-the-hell-you-want.
01:36, June 1, 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 18.104.22.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (You're still at the stage where you afflict pain on the girl you secretly like, aren't you?)
06:03, May 31, 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 22.214.171.124 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah BATMAN!)
18:16, May 31, 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (Don't do that to Zombiebaron!)
19:25, May 31, 2008 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (Don't do that to Dr. Skullthumper!)
19:47, May 31, 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 9000 seconds (Don't do that to TKF!)
May "Of the Month" Award Winners
Dr. Skullthumper ~ WotM ~ Oh! Gee! Right when he wins Writer of the fucking Month (WotfM), he abandons us! Well, *sniff*, good riddens! GO THUMP SOMEONE ELSE'S SKULL, THEN! *sniff* SEE IF I CARE! Cheapinitreal ~ NotM ~ Someone who indulges in Kitty Porn was BOUND to win best new contributor. We at Unsignpost are especially proud of this little noob, someone who will follow recent up-and-comers such as NoTimeToRevert and Beatboxing Jim. Heerenveen ~ UotM ~ Every nerd deserves his/her day in the sun. That day, and that sun, belong to "Hv". You will see him scampering around, voting, deleting, and peeing. Say hi to him once in a while, dammit! Sawblade5 ~ Ugotm ~ Sawblade5 is best described as a person obsessed with Gobshite of the month. Ever since this writer can remember, Sawblade5 (but not his younger brothers, Sawblade3 or 2) has been nominating users for banning or gobshiting. Finally, the gobshite queen has been crowned!
UU's obscure British Dialect expression of the week:
"ivver sin a cuddy lowp a yat?" ~ Now we're moving into the realms of supremely useful English. The delightfulCumbrians use this regularly to ask each other "ever seen a donkey jump a gate?" I think you'll agree, there is hardly a conversation that goes by where this expression wouldn't come in handy!