UnSignpost:Interview/ScottPat

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Journalist: Please introduce yourself to our audience in the most original way you can think about! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 19:42, January 27, 2014 (UTC)
BLEURGHHH!!! (Vomits) Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 19:46, January 27, 2014 (UTC)
Great start; now after this I can ask you what you think about the UnSignpost in general. (As you have nothing else left to throw out). Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 19:59, January 27, 2014 (UTC)
The quote that really comes to mind here is the last words a dying, drunk hobo shouted to me in the street round my local neighbourhood only two months ago, "UnSignyn...UnSignypuh-du...UnSignpost is da greatest fing I ever read in my life." Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 20:05, January 27, 2014 (UTC)
Well... So you do consider the UnSignpost a newspaper for people without a home? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 07:52, January 28, 2014 (UTC)
Yes I do and UnSignpost provides that home in the shape of a competition for a laptop (that we give away free to any hobo who could count to 1000 in under 10 seconds (no winners so far)) and this laptop can be used as a makeshift shelter. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 19:28, January 29, 2014 (UTC)
Do you mean a 1960s' computer? I think that one would work, if you took out all of the interior. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 18:18, January 31, 2014 (UTC)
Yeah something like that. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 19:02, January 31, 2014 (UTC)
Now I really don't want to be indiscreet, as are many journalists, so I will ask you something simple: what is the most important thing that we don't know about your private life? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 19:51, January 31, 2014 (UTC)
Well I can tell you something about my public life, I recently discovered that you can kill a cat with a soup spoon. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 07:42, February 1, 2014 (UTC)
Let's imagine that the soup spoon had a website. Then would this website's URL have a "wikia" inside it? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 09:42, February 1, 2014 (UTC)
No but you can see your reflection in it. A few users on this site can, I can't. And some people only exist as reflections, trapped inside the soup spoon. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 09:48, February 1, 2014 (UTC)
I can imagine. Now how do you think this influences global population? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 09:51, February 1, 2014 (UTC)
With increasing numbers of people ignoring both reality and the reflection world, humanity is dwindling due to lack of comedial shininess (if that's even a word!). Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 09:53, February 1, 2014 (UTC)
And do you personally have enough humour in your life? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 10:14, February 1, 2014 (UTC)
There is never enough humour. There needs to be more. But there is no doubt that humour is the best thing in life. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 10:21, February 1, 2014 (UTC)
Best thing in life or best thing to make life better? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 14:03, February 1, 2014 (UTC)
Best thing in life. Afterall who needs amor when you've got humour (doesn't quite work does it!). Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 14:58, February 1, 2014 (UTC)
So, according to you, if you are unfortunate in love, but have become the Writer of the Year on Uncyclopedia (a random question, which has no connection to any real events), you can still be happy? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 19:29, February 1, 2014 (UTC)
Love is hard to find true however humour is easier to find, especially if you write some ideas down and convince people they are funny. Comedy is what gains me friends and without it I would be a pretty dull person (unless you don't mind a lecture on the matter, anti-matter asymmetry or the modernisation of the British Army from 1776-1854). Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 19:52, February 1, 2014 (UTC)
Well, it really depends on what one considers dull. I am interested in both the modernisation of British army and matter and anti-matter asymmetry (are your lectures free?)... But I guess I am abandonning my duties of a journalist. So, on the subject of love and friends, what is your favorite book? If you don't have one, you can name your favorite film or even a song. If you don't have any of them, then ... then it will be another question. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 16:19, February 4, 2014 (UTC)
My favourite book would probably be either, "Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy" or "Desert Generals". My favourite films are "Chicken Run" and "Star Wars" and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". My favourite piece of music would probably be either "Scotland the Brave" or "Zulu Theme". Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 19:15, February 4, 2014 (UTC)
So you like pairs, don't you? But it is not a question, unless you want to respond to it. Which of your favorite songs do you think can become a soundtrack to the sequel to one your favorite movies based on one of your favorite book's plot? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 19:30, February 4, 2014 (UTC)
I think John Cleese re-enacting O'Connor's pursuit of the Italians across the deserts of North Africa to the sound of the Scottish National Anthem would be quite fitting. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 08:44, February 8, 2014 (UTC)
Great! And to what other questions would you like to respond? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 09:49, February 8, 2014 (UTC)
Yes: "Why "why" and not "Ex"?" Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 12:09, February 8, 2014 (UTC)
Ok. So why why and not ex? (In my opinion, it's something strongly related to psychology.) Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 14:35, February 8, 2014 (UTC)
Maybe it's because y is always given in a maths question and x is always the reason. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 14:45, February 8, 2014 (UTC)
Yes, but isn't it almost psychology? The readers of the UnSignpost think that maths and psychology are two 'exact' sciences, therefore they are rather similar. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 14:51, February 8, 2014 (UTC)
But Anton the readers don't get a say, they don't matter. I can make up some statistics that state that the readers think art is the most exact science. It's all about the money, the profit. Maybe that's why "y" is better. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 19:12, February 10, 2014 (UTC)
That means that you don't read the UnSignpost yourself? Otherwise, you would consider yourself a reader. Our readers will be very interested in this... Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 07:51, February 11, 2014 (UTC)
I had a girlfriend who worked at Taco Bell but would never actually eat there; is that similar? Spıke ¬ 12:42 11-Feb-14
Do you think that Taco Bell resembles the UnSignpost, and if yes - how? We address our readers the same question. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 20:20, February 12, 2014 (UTC)
Never been to them so wouldn't know. My local tea room has a definite resemblance though. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 09:09, February 16, 2014 (UTC)
Aha! How can you tell they are resemblant if you have never been there? You are definitely hiding something! Is this somehow connected to Spike's girlfriend? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 10:10, February 16, 2014 (UTC)
I have been to my local tea room. I would advise you to take a trip too. Alas I am yet to meet Spike's girlfriend although I am sure she is a wonderful person. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 17:28, February 16, 2014 (UTC)
Again: how can you be sure that she's a wonderful person, if you have never met her? The "tell me who your girlfriend is and I'll tell you who you are" does not work backwards. Is there some strange conspiracy? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 14:16, February 17, 2014 (UTC)
But your logic is flawed, everything works backwards (if not then upside down) and it usually works even better. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 17:28, February 17, 2014 (UTC)
Now, our readers complain that they can only read the UnSignpost when it is upside down. Is this why it is so? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 19:49, February 17, 2014 (UTC)
Yes although if they are struggling then reading it back to front also helps. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 08:36, February 18, 2014 (UTC)
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