UnSignpost:Article/Urgent announcement: what is really happening

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Before I say anything at all, I would like to correct some lies told by UnSignpost editors and other, normal users.

Cabaldesk

Blame the lateness of this Cabal announcement on the lack of activity on this website.

The rumors about our database increasing are all false: even Shabidoo, who estimated it to be around 1.5 new users per year, made an enormous exaggeration. We don’t have any new users at all and our database records 0 people who have made at least one edit in the past 30 days.

But I hear you say: “And what about old users returning? Hasn’t the activity increased because of them?” To which we would like to respond: “You have been misinformed. None of the ‘old’ users has ever come back. Please, read the official newspaper and not some left-wing propaganda.” Indeed, all the rumors about ChiefjusticeDS’s coming back are false. Mhaille did not return in the same way that BlueSpiritGuy, HELPME, Docile hippopotamus, Unununium and many others didn’t. And no, Chiefjustice has not written two more reviews and doesn’t have 200 Pee Reviews all in all now.

We would not like to re-welcome every person who dared not re-join the Uncyclopedia community. We think that you will not do this either.

However, the Communist agitprop got very deep into the minds of our poor, but not very innocent readers, and there were many talks about how different parts of the site have been revived. Revived? What does this word even mean? For those of you who lack love for their country to read the official announcements, it has recently been suppressed from the all the official dictionaries! Please choose what you say carefully next time.

So we would like to put an end to all the false news and here is the list of everything that has not been revivedsurrected:

  1. Votes for Pictures
  2. Potatochopper of the Month
  3. Reviewer of the Month
  4. Uncyclopedia:Collaboratory

You are welcome not to contribute to any of these pages because they are not active.

On the other hand, Mhaille (who has not come back) proposed creating an army of rule-bound marionettes that would extinguish all the activity on this site once and for all. This is a truly patriotic idea and we think that an invincible desire of supporting it will rise from the bottom of your heart.

The last but not the least, the last UnSignpost you have seen dates back to the year 2013 (the beginning of it) and even that one was an illusion. This means that you have not and are definitely not reading anything of that kind and if you have (or even worse - are), we will help you find a good doctor, who will get these dangerous thoughts out of your mind.

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