As not many articles have been nominated and featured recently, we are here to tell you that the Votes For Highlight system will be changed. From now on, in order to increase quantity (as we already have enough quality), the nominator will be allowed to vote for his article as many times as he wants. To make life even simpler and to have a lot more featured articles, the goal will be only 2 votes per article. In addition to this, votes against will be counted as votes for. Next, as it takes some time to create something of good quality, featured articles with a construction tag will be allowed. Finally, if you do not have any inspiration and force to create anything, you can nominate articles from a page which has a lot of them. The QVFD is very good for this purpose.
This reform has not been applied yet as it is still being tested. If a user disagrees with it, he can vote against it here and his vote will be accepted. This vote is made, as described above. If anyone votes against the changes, this will be counted as a "for".
Uncyclopedians were elated at the sudden return of the Chief Justice. Surely, two months ago the Marriage Counselor must have told the Chief to give up Uncyclopedia as his spouse agreed to give up cocaine and smash-and-grab robberies, but happily, both now seem to have agreed that neither partner was worth the sacrifice. And he is not just administering but writing, most notably American Football. Further proving that things are back to normal, VFH voted the article onto the main page during virtually the only month of the year when no one anywhere is thinking about American Football.
This led to talk that perhaps our main page should feature articles (or re-feature them) at such times as some readers might be thinking of the topic: Shouldn't American Football run again during the opening weekend of American Football? Your correspondent added that, by the next time someone uses a pressure-cooker filled with firecrackers to blow limbs off sports spectators, our readers should be trained to rush to Uncyclopedia to read a Feature Article on Pressure cooker.
This subversive notion, if carried to extremes, might result in the featuring of UnNews articles while the news is still news, as articles could move to the main page without the usual six-week wait for VFH voters to deliberate. Unfortunately, there is no Forum in which to complain.
All the PLS entries are now locked and are being judged with a certain probability. The results (if there are any) will be uncovered on the 4th of July and all of the UnSignpost journalists will definitely be present on the Final Ceremony. Yesterday one of the judges was questioned by the most talented of our reporters. His exact answer to one of our question about the future winners was: "Hmmm... Well... It actually is so, if you get what I mean. Yes, what I was saying was... Well, you know this perfectly well, why are you asking me?". But, even though his speech was very circumlocutory, we have discovered what the truth is and the public will soon get more information about this. What we can tell you right now is that Mr Brown can be congratulated beforehand, as he has written the Best Illustrated Article.
...If it is not here already. Our Newspaper Chief is gone... For two weeks... From UnSignpost.
However, if all the subscribers or the majority of them still receive the new edition this week, then you have another evidence that our Perfect System does not need a Chief Editor to write and deliver news. But, after taking your time to admire all the qualities of Uncyclopedia, we would still suggest to leave a message for the Editors here, just to make sure because everything has an end. All the messages will be accepted but not all of them might be used. Any messages containing less than one line, will be united with any others. This will forcible give an unexpected[ly good] result.
The Right Rev. Dr. P. Pennyfeather has had a long and varied career, including a stint at Wales' leading public school, being a small English village's third most popular clergyman, and the oh-so-popular spell in prison everyone seems to have these days. Recently, he has decided to take things easy, as he really is getting on, and has taken up a part-time job as a pseudonym for a sixth-former in that most illustrious of counties: Derbyshire. His new employer seems rather agreeable really, and no, saying so wasn't a part of the contract. Really. He's not that bad. Anyway, the pay cheques are good, so what does the odd beating and occasional long stretches without daylight matter? When on Uncyclopedia, he doesn't really write that much. Of course, if he did write something it would be an instant feature, but such petty writing is beneath him. Instead, he reads, amends and criticises others' work. He currently runs the Proofreading service.