UnScripts:Waiting For Godot 2: Waiting With A Vengeance

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Latest revision as of 04:05, August 11, 2012

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Godot
VLADIMIR: You're ruining the whole pathos of our plight.

Waiting For Godot 2: Waiting With A Vengeance

Scene: A lonely road, a single dead tree. As before.

Estragon and Vladimir are still sitting by the tree, waiting.

Time passes as they sit silently.

Enter GODOT, with a briefcase.

GODOT: OK, I'm here, I'm here.

Estragon and Vladimir stand with a start.

ESTRAGON: What?

GODOT: I said I'm here. It's me. Godot.

ESTRAGON: But... what are you doing here?

GODOT: I told you to wait for me here, and now I'm here.

VLADIMIR: But... you can't!

ESTRAGON: You're not supposed to actually show up!

GODOT: What? Why not?

VLADIMIR: You're ruining the whole pathos of our plight.

GODOT: What?

ESTRAGON: Hope deferred... you know? We wait here for what everyone but us realizes is never going to-

VLADIMIR: Yeah, so much for that. Thanks, Godot.

ESTRAGON: Yeah thanks for nothing.

GODOT: Well, geez. Excuse me. I heard you were still waiting for me, so I came. What did I do?

VLADIMIR: Don't you get it?

GODOT: No.

VLADIMIR: This tree, Gogo, me, this... place. We're archetypes of hopelessness and existential anxiety.

ESTRAGON: Well, we were, that is.

VLADIMIR: Yeah, until you actually showed up. Now how are Christians going to learn that Jesus isn't coming back?

ESTRAGON: Well, it's more than just religious hope, of course. It's hope for peace, hope for utopia.

VLADIMIR: I know, but, the Jesus thing is an easy-

GODOT: Look, guys, I'm sorry I ruined your... whatever. I mean, I'll go.

ESTRAGON: No, no.

VLADIMIR: No, it's too late for that now.

ESTRAGON: Yeah, pretty much, it's ruined.

GODOT: Well, OK. So what then?

VLADIMIR: What then what?

GODOT: What should I do?

ESTRAGON: It doesn't matter.

GODOT: Well, why were you waiting for me?

VLADIMIR: I don't remember.

ESTRAGON: I think you promised us something.

VLADIMIR: Oh, yeah. An offer of some sort.

GODOT: An offer?

VLADIMIR: Yeah. So what have you got?

GODOT: I don't have anything.

VLADIMIR: Oh, you don't?

GODOT: Well what are you looking for?

VLADIMIR: No, no. This might be good. You have nothing for us?

GODOT: Well, I-

ESTRAGON: Oh, yeah! We might be able to salvage this thing after all! We waited for you for days and days. You weren't supposed to show up. We assumed that was our pathos.

GODOT: Your what?

VLADIMIR: Right, but maybe, just maybe, it's the shattering of a glimmer of hope that we will know. So you do show up, but you have nothing that we need.

GODOT: But I don't know what you need. What do you need?

VLADIMIR: Well-

ESTRAGON: Careful, there, Didi. He might have what you need and then our pathos crumbles once again.

VLADIMIR: Good point. We need... hope, for salvation, from a cruel, meaningless existence.

GODOT: Oh, no problem. I've got that.

ESTRAGON: Shit.

VLADIMIR: Shit, you're kidding me.

GODOT: No, I have it right here.

VLADIMIR: Well, let's see it, maybe it-

Godot opens a briefcase. A glorious light shines from within.

Briefcase-glow
A glorious light shines from within.

ESTRAGON: Holy shit. That's it.

VLADIMIR: What do you call that?

GODOT: Oh, it has many names. Salvation. Nirvana. Heaven. Basically it's the hope of mankind for a meaning to this baneful existence.

VLADIMIR: But.. we don't.. have any money! So we-

GODOT: Oh, it's free. Take it.

ESTRAGON: Shit. He just ruined everything.

GODOT: Well, do you not want it?

VLADIMIR: No, no. We'll take it.

GODOT: Here you go.

Godot gives them the case and leaves.

VLADIMIR: Wow.

ESTRAGON: Well that totally sucks.

VLADIMIR: Tell me about it. How are we going to justify our existentialism now?

ESTRAGON: Pfff! It's out the window.

VLADIMIR: So what do we do?

ESTRAGON: I guess... we leave. No sense waiting around here anymore.

VLADIMIR: Now that all of our hope has been realized.

Silence. They do not leave.

VLADIMIR: This kinda sucks.

ESTRAGON: I know. Ironic, isn't it?

VLADIMIR: It sure is.

They sit.

Curtain.

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