Waiting For Godot 2: Waiting With A Vengeance
Scene: A lonely road, a single dead tree. As before.
Estragon and Vladimir are still sitting by the tree, waiting.
Time passes as they sit silently.
Enter GODOT, with a briefcase.
GODOT: OK, I'm here, I'm here.
Estragon and Vladimir stand with a start.
GODOT: I said I'm here. It's me. Godot.
ESTRAGON: But... what are you doing here?
GODOT: I told you to wait for me here, and now I'm here.
VLADIMIR: But... you can't!
ESTRAGON: You're not supposed to actually show up!
GODOT: What? Why not?
VLADIMIR: You're ruining the whole pathos of our plight.
ESTRAGON: Hope deferred... you know? We wait here for what everyone but us realizes is never going to-
VLADIMIR: Yeah, so much for that. Thanks, Godot.
ESTRAGON: Yeah thanks for nothing.
GODOT: Well, geez. Excuse me. I heard you were still waiting for me, so I came. What did I do?
VLADIMIR: Don't you get it?
VLADIMIR: This tree, Gogo, me, this... place. We're archetypes of hopelessness and existential anxiety.
ESTRAGON: Well, we were, that is.
VLADIMIR: Yeah, until you actually showed up. Now how are Christians going to learn that Jesus isn't coming back?
ESTRAGON: Well, it's more than just religious hope, of course. It's hope for peace, hope for utopia.
VLADIMIR: I know, but, the Jesus thing is an easy-
GODOT: Look, guys, I'm sorry I ruined your... whatever. I mean, I'll go.
ESTRAGON: No, no.
VLADIMIR: No, it's too late for that now.
ESTRAGON: Yeah, pretty much, it's ruined.
GODOT: Well, OK. So what then?
VLADIMIR: What then what?
GODOT: What should I do?
ESTRAGON: It doesn't matter.
GODOT: Well, why were you waiting for me?
VLADIMIR: I don't remember.
ESTRAGON: I think you promised us something.
VLADIMIR: Oh, yeah. An offer of some sort.
GODOT: An offer?
VLADIMIR: Yeah. So what have you got?
GODOT: I don't have anything.
VLADIMIR: Oh, you don't?
GODOT: Well what are you looking for?
VLADIMIR: No, no. This might be good. You have nothing for us?
GODOT: Well, I-
ESTRAGON: Oh, yeah! We might be able to salvage this thing after all! We waited for you for days and days. You weren't supposed to show up. We assumed that was our pathos.
GODOT: Your what?
VLADIMIR: Right, but maybe, just maybe, it's the shattering of a glimmer of hope that we will know. So you do show up, but you have nothing that we need.
GODOT: But I don't know what you need. What do you need?
ESTRAGON: Careful, there, Didi. He might have what you need and then our pathos crumbles once again.
VLADIMIR: Good point. We need... hope, for salvation, from a cruel, meaningless existence.
GODOT: Oh, no problem. I've got that.
VLADIMIR: Shit, you're kidding me.
GODOT: No, I have it right here.
VLADIMIR: Well, let's see it, maybe it-
Godot opens a briefcase. A glorious light shines from within.
ESTRAGON: Holy shit. That's it.
VLADIMIR: What do you call that?
GODOT: Oh, it has many names. Salvation. Nirvana. Heaven. Basically it's the hope of mankind for a meaning to this baneful existence.
VLADIMIR: But.. we don't.. have any money! So we-
GODOT: Oh, it's free. Take it.
ESTRAGON: Shit. He just ruined everything.
GODOT: Well, do you not want it?
VLADIMIR: No, no. We'll take it.
GODOT: Here you go.
Godot gives them the case and leaves.
ESTRAGON: Well that totally sucks.
VLADIMIR: Tell me about it. How are we going to justify our existentialism now?
ESTRAGON: Pfff! It's out the window.
VLADIMIR: So what do we do?
ESTRAGON: I guess... we leave. No sense waiting around here anymore.
VLADIMIR: Now that all of our hope has been realized.
Silence. They do not leave.
VLADIMIR: This kinda sucks.
ESTRAGON: I know. Ironic, isn't it?
VLADIMIR: It sure is.
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