UnScripts:Waiting For Breivik 2: The Breifist

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{{line|MIRROR IMAGE|You always say that.}}
 
{{line|MIRROR IMAGE|You always say that.}}
 
[[File:Cowboys01.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Go fuck yourself with a cactus.]]
 
[[File:Cowboys01.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Go fuck yourself with a cactus.]]
{{line|ANDERS|Pleasde, give me another chance. Without ''you''... I'm nothing...}}
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{{line|ANDERS|Please, give me another chance. Without ''you''... I'm nothing...}}
   
 
{{line|MIRROR IMAGE|I am ''you'' so technically that is correct.}}
 
{{line|MIRROR IMAGE|I am ''you'' so technically that is correct.}}

Revision as of 17:25, September 29, 2012

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Waiting For Breivik 2: The Breifist

Act 1

ILA DETENTION AND SECURITY PRISON, NORWAY - DAY
ANDERS - a 33-year-old former gunman from Oslo sits in a chair in front of a mirror. He looks carefully at MIRROR IMAGE of him. They are surrounded by a simple bed and some furniture in a nice-looking room, which apparently is his prison cell.
Ila fengsel
The prison. Or a hotel? Whatever.
They say I'm crazy. But I'm not. I just can't be... You tell me! Am I crazy?
MIRROR IMAGE
You most certainly are. You're talking to a mirror. Isn't it crazy by definition?
ANDERS
I'm facing 21 years in prison. Nothing worse can happen to any Norwegian criminal. I can as well risk 7 years of bad luck...
MIRROR IMAGE
I mean... You are not crazy. That's ridiculous.
ANDERS
But my plans... They want to thwart me but I will wait. I can wait. Everyone can wait. It's only 21 years. It's not that long, isn't it?

Short silence.

Crazy01
Why do you keep asking me?? I am you.
ANDERS
Isn't it!?
MIRROR IMAGE
Why do you keep asking me?? I am you. You already know the answer.
ANDERS
I have a hammer under the bed.
MIRORR IMAGE
Ah, go to hell.
(MIRROR IMAGE fades away.)
ANDERS
You fuckin' sonofabitch!

A butler, who apparently is a warden, opens the door.

Justabutler
What can I do for you, sir?
BUTLER
Did you call me, sir.
ANDERS
No... But if you are here, could you bring me some iced tea? It's damn hot in here.
BUTLER
Certainly, sir. Anything else?
ANDERS
And some wood, nails and a saw. I want to make a model of the building I destroyed with a bomb.
BUTLER
In a minute, sir.

BUTLER closes the door.

ANDERS
Come on, man. Don't be so sensitive... I will never ever ever threaten you again. I promise.

MIRROR IMAGE is not seen but is heard.

MIRROR IMAGE
You always say that.
Cowboys01
Go fuck yourself with a cactus.
ANDERS
Please, give me another chance. Without you... I'm nothing...
MIRROR IMAGE
I am you so technically that is correct.

Short silence.

ANDERS
COME HERE. STAT!
MIRROR IMAGE
Go fuck yourself with a cactus.
ANDERS
Goddammit... You can't trust even yourself these days.

Short silence.

Batemotel01
You know you're a psycho?
ANDERS
My plans... They were perfect... Except that... There was no plan at all. Just me and my gun. And my explosives. I loved them. I loved them so much. I wanted to share that love. Make love, not war they said. I wanted to prevent the war. The war coming from the East. Is it that bad?
MIRROR IMAGE
You know you're a psycho?
ANDERS
Shut the fuck up!
MIRROR IMAGE
Chill...
ANDERS
I know there is someone waiting for me.

BUTLER comes in with a glass of iced tea and a bag full of wood and nails.

BUTLER
Sir, I would like to remind you that you already own a saw. You can surely find it under your bed.
Herod1
I don't mind anything as long as it's kosher.
ANDERS
Oh, that's true. There were a few things. I must've forgotten that there is also a saw. Thank you very much.
BUTLER
And about dinner...
ANDERS
I don't mind anything as long as it's kosher.
BUTLER
Of course. It will be.

BUTLER goes out.

MIRROR IMAGE
Kosher?
ANDERS
This way I'm sure no Muslim touches my food.
MIRROR IMAGE
But the JEWWWWWS!
ANDERS
I like the Jews. They are like Christians who needed to go to the bathroom during the most important scene of the film. If you know what I mean.
Lorreinm
Everybody hates you...

MIRROR IMAGE appears in the mirror

MIRROR IMAGE
I don't understand you. The Jews killed Jesus.
ANDERS
Hm... That clearly means I don't understand myself. Maybe I will rethink my feelings toward the Jews. I wonder if they actually like me.
MIRROR IMAGE
Everybody hates you, Anders.
ANDERS
Many great people are hated.
MIRROR IMAGE
Name them.
Breiviksprisoncell
...a hotel that is mistakenly called a prison
MIRROR IMAGE
Seems legit.
ANDERS
Do you think people will forget about all what happened? I mean, when I go out.
MIRROR IMAGE
No. They will never forget. Every year around the world, all the TV channels will remind about your horrible mass murder and will point out that you are alive and in a hotel that is mistakenly called a prison. They will remind it to ensure that an enormous lynch mob awaits you when you finally get out of here.

Short silence. ANDERS closes his eyes after he knocks down the mirror.

Act 2

EXT. UTOYA ISLAND, MUCH EARLIER, RETROSPECT, NORWAY - DAY
ANDERS stands in the port observing the peaceful island. MIRROR IMAGE stands next to him.
ANDERS
Let the hunger games begin!

ANDERS starts to shoot at random targets.

Prey01
Let the hunger games begin!
ANDERS
I'm so, so sorry... I don't want to do that... Or do I? Well... That's all I want. Die, bitches!
MIRROR IMAGE
Stop it Anders. You idiot, you can't kill all the leftist. I know you think it'd be better for everybody but it's just not right, ok? Stop it.
ANDERS
Ok, I will call the cops.
MIRROR IMAGE
Good boy.

ANDERS calls the cops.

ANDERS
I'm Anders, I'm killing people at Utoya. Come here and arrest me.
VOICE
Hahahaha... Good one. Listen to this one - a rabbi, a priest and a mullah walk into a bar...
ANDERS
(hanging up)
What an idiot. Well, back to work.

ANDERS carries on killing people

Attilathehun01
...I don't like killing people.
MIRROR IMAGE
I wonder if you can hit that one in red in the ass... OH! You missed it. Need some glasses?
ANDERS
Shut up. I wanted to miss.
MIRROR IMAGE
Yeah, sure.
ANDERS
After I'd killed a dozen of kids, I came to realization that I don't like killing people.
MIRROR IMAGE
Better late than sorry doesn't really fits the situation but, whatever. Stop whatever you think you're doing and get your ass out of here. Cops will finally come and you will end in prison.
ANDERS
I thought everything through. I can get up to 21 years. That's not much.
MIRROR IMAGE
AAAAAH! I give up.

MIRROR IMAGE fades.

ANDERS
Run, run, little boy. But you can't escape Death.

Act 3

EXT. UTOYA ISLAND, NORWAY - DAY, PRESENT
ANDERS - a 60-year-old lumberjack from Trondheim leans against a tree.
Man-holding-an-axe-leaning-against-a-tree
That's it. I'm going to the prison.

Act 4

ILA DETENTION AND SECURITY PRISON, NORWAY - DAY
ANDERS - a 33-year-old former gunman from Oslo sits in a chair in front of a mirror. He looks at MIRROR IMAGE of him.

BUTLER comes in

BUTLER
Sir? An Anders Henriksen wishes to speak to you. May I let him in?
ANDERS
Isn't he a Jehovah's Witness by accident?
Axe01
Does he have an axe?
BUTLER
Most likely not. He is a lumberjack.
ANDERS
Does he have an axe?
BUTLER
That is how I figured out his occupation, sir.
ANDERS
Great. Let him in.
MIRROR IMAGE
That's not a good idea.
ANDERS
AND YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Butler nodded and went out.

ANDERS HENRIKSEN comes in

ANDERS
I guess you were waiting for me and just couldn't wait anymore. What can I do for you?
ANDERS HENRIKSEN
I...
ANDERS
Shh! I know your answer. I know all possible questions and all possible answers. If I ask them, I ask them because that would be so boring not to talk with a man who came here to kill me. Am I right, my mini-me?
Brucelee01
It's all about fists.
MIRROR IMAGE
You told me to shut the fuck up.
ANDERS HENRIKSEN
Who are you talking to. How did you...
ANDERS
It's all about fists.
ANDERS HENRIKSEN
Fists?
ANDERS
Aye, fists. BREIFIST!

ANDERS punches ANDERS HENRIKSEN right between the eyes knocking him out.

ANDERS
Don't worry, I won't rape you. That's not my style.
MIRROR IMAGE
Thank goodness! I would have to watch that if you did!
ANDERS
Now, could you pass me your axe? Oh? What? I don't hear you? Ah, you are unconscious. What a pity. Well then...

ANDERS keeps the axe over unconscious ANDERS HENRIKSEN. BUTLER comes in.

BUTLER
Sir, do you wish to have your dinner served while your guest is with...
Vidkunquisling
All Norwegians are c-c-crazy!
ANDERS
Please, serve the dinner. I'm just going to mercilessly murder him and I can eat just after that.
BUTLER
Of course.

BUTLER goes out.

MIRROR IMAGE
All Norwegians are c-c-crazy!

ANDERS murders ANDERS HENRIKSEN.

ANDERS
Do you think that looking through his pockets would be inappriopriate?
MIRROR IMAGE
Asked the man who just murdered an older man.
ANDERS
He wanted to kill me.
MIRROR IMAGE
Whatever.
Headplatter01
Can I throw the body away yet?

BUTLER comes in with the dinner

BUTLER
I believe you are done with killing. Can I throw the body away yet?
ANDERS
Yes, please.

Act 5

ILA DETENTION AND SECURITY PRISON, NORWAY - DAY, 7 YEARS LATER
ANDERS awaits his parole hearing.
REPORTER
It might be shocking for many but Anders Breivk is now eligible for parole hearing as 1/3 of his sentence has passed. It is widely speculated that he got great chances to be paroled because Norwegians are enlighted people who think that everyone, even such a bastard, deserves a second chance and, we have to remember, the bombing in Oslo and the massacre at Utoya were his first crimes ever.

ANDERS is led to a room where the Parole Hearing Board awaits him. ANDERS shows his Breifist when approaching the Board.

Breifist1
BOARD MEMBER 1
Thank you for coming, Mr. Breivik. We are here to know if you are mentally eligible to be paroled.
BOARD MEMBER 2
Could you tell us, what do you think of your stay here in the Ila Prison?
MIRROR IMAGE
Just keep calm and you will be free again soon.
ANDERS
I hate this place.
BOARD MEMBER 2
Oh, that's absolutely understandable.
ANDERS
I hate every people working there. Except the butler but he doesn't work here anyomere... They're a bunch of homophillic islam-lovers.
BOARD MEMBER 2
Oh, that's a generalization, Mr. Breivik. Well... If you were released, what would you do?
Angrymen01
All board members raised their hands.
ANDERS
I feel so much frustration caused by my stay here, that I would probably kill random people for no apparent reason.
MIRROR IMAGE
Jesus Christ.
BOARD MEMBER 2
Well, that's still probably. We can't over-eagerly jump to conclusions, can we?
BOARD MEMBER 1
Absolutely not. Well then. All in favor of granting Mr. Breivik parole?

All BOARD MEMBERS raised their hands.

BOARD MEMBER 1
That would do. Well, Mr. Breivik. You are a free man now.
ANDERS
I will miss Butler. That's funny, I don't know his name.
MIRROR IMAGE
You could have spared his life...
ANDERS
That was necessary. Grievous but necessary.
MIRROR IMAGE
I don't follow your logic.
Norwegianlogic01
Try following Norwegian logic.
ANDERS
Try following Norwegian logic and get your mind blown.
BOARD MEMBER 2
Who are you talking to, Mr. Breivik.
ANDERS
Myself. Well, pardon me...
BOARD MEMBER 2
We did so.
ANDERS
Oh, I mean, excuse me now, I've got some massacres to do.
BOARD MEMBER 2
Please, consider behaving normally, without needless excesses.
ANDERS
I will certainly do. Bye.

ANDERS leaves the room.

BOARD MEMBER 1
I hope he talked about massacres in GTA...
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