UnScripts:Waiting For Breivik
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Waiting For Breivik
The Island of Utøya, Norway. Anders - a 60-year-old lumberjack from Trondheim is leaning against a tree. Leaves are floating on the water. Next to him is standing Dan - a 22-year-old student. Anders is holding an old axe in his hand. Dan is visibly unarmed and lightly dressed.
ANDERS: Murderers always go back to a crime scene, don't they?
DAN: If you say so, grandpa. I don't know. You know such things. You are older than me.
ANDERS: Yeah, I know. I'm only trying to confirm my own belief.
DAN: I understand.
A few seconds of deep silence.
DAN: Grandpa... If Anders Breivik came here, would you kill him?
ANDERS: I guess I would.
DAN: But if Breivik came here, I'm sure he would have his rifle, wouldn't he?
ANDERS: He definitely would.
DAN: So, how would you kill him, if you have only your old axe?
ANDERS: I will think 'bout it, when he comes.
DAN: I believe you know what you are doing. If Breivik came here, I wouldn't even try to kill him. I'd rather be killed by him.
ANDERS: You're talking shit, Dan.
DAN: No, grandpa. I'd rather die. If I had survived that massacre, I would be now suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Dying is much easier.
ANDERS: You don't know what you are talking about Dan.
DAN: I know grandpa! If I had killed Breivik, I would go to Hell!
ANDERS: No, you wouldn't.
DAN: What do you mean by that, grandpa?
ANDERS: Killing such a devil could be only a good deed. Anyway, your mother comes from England, which makes you a half-Englishman.
DAN: So what?
ANDERS: So you wouldn't go to Hell. God is an Englishman after all. And the English are the Chosen People.
DAN: Yeah... You are right. If Breivik came here, I would kill him with my bare hands!
Anders remains silent.
DAN: Grandpa... I've just had a crazy thought.
ANDERS: What thought?
DAN: If there were 99 Breiviks in Utøya... how would that end?
ANDERS: Beats me. Have no idea.
DAN: Well, I can think of two ways out. The first one is that every Breivik kills one Breivik leaving one Breivik alive.
ANDERS: And he would be caught by the police.
DAN: Yep. And the second one is that one Breivik - the strongest one - kills all the other Breiviks like in the first-past-the-post electoral system.
ANDERS: And he would still be caught by the police.
DAN: Yeah... Why do you stress the catching part so much?
ANDERS: He should've been shot dead that day. Had I been there, I would have done so.
DAN: Right. Where's Breivik now?
ANDERS: He's in prison.
DAN: Why do you want to kill him?
ANDERS: I don't know. I took my axe and came here. Not much thought 'bout that.
DAN: If he came here, he is nuts.
ANDERS: He is nuts anyway. Even worse that this.
DAN: Anyway, grandpa. Do you think Unabomber should sue Breivik for copyright infringement of his manifesto?
ANDERS: Why would he want to do that?
DAN: I'm not sure but he must be terribly bored in prison. He spends 23 hours a day closed in a dark airless prison cell, so if he sued Breivik, it would be some kind of fun for him, wouldn't it be?
ANDERS: You might be right.
DAN: If I were the Unabomber, I would sue Breivik.
ANDERS: And I would kill both.
DAN: That's not good of you, grandpa.
ANDERS: I know. But I'm old and I don't care.
DAN: But you should care. Breivik is in prison and Norwegian system will do everything possible to bring Breivik back to society.
ANDERS: We don't need him. He should be hanged.
DAN: But we're in Norway.
ANDERS: People can be hung anywhere.
DAN: Not in Norway. In Norway people can only hang themselves.
ANDERS: That's an idea.
DAN: You can't make Breivik hang himself.
ANDERS: If there will be no other way to kill him, I will try that.
DAN: Crazy idea.
ANDERS: We're all a bit crazy, aren't we?
DAN: You are crazy, grandpa.
ANDERS: You are irritating me Dan.
DAN: So imagine that I'm not here.
ANDERS: No, I won't
DAN: I will make you think I'm not here.
ANDERS: You can't do that.
DAN: Yes, I can.
Short silence.
DAN: How long are we going to wait for him?
ANDERS: No more than 21 years. He should be pardoned by then.
DAN: Breivik will never come.
Close-up of Anders' face.
ANDERS: Yeah, I know.
Camera gets back to its original position. We see no sign of Dan.
ANDERS: Neither will you Dan. God rest your soul.
Anders is still leaning against a tree looking eastward.
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