UnScripts:Waiting For Breivik

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Waiting For Breivik

The Island of Utøya, Norway. Anders - a 60-year-old lumberjack from Trondheim is leaning against a tree. Leaves are floating on the water. Next to him is standing Dan - a 22-year-old student. Anders is holding an old axe in his hand. Dan is visibly unarmed and lightly dressed.

Fjord01
Peaceful?
ANDERS
Murderers always go back to a crime scene, don't they?
DAN
If you say so, grandpa. I don't know. You know such things. You are older than me.
ANDERS
Yeah, I know. I'm only trying to confirm my own belief.
DAN

I understand.

(After a few seconds of deep silence.)
Grandpa... If Anders Breivik came here, would you kill him?
ANDERS
I guess I would.
DAN
But if Breivik came here, I'm sure he would have his rifle, wouldn't he?
ANDERS
He definitely would.
DAN
So, how would you kill him, if you have only your old axe?
ANDERS
I will think 'bout it, when he comes.
DAN
I believe you know what you are doing. If Breivik came here, I wouldn't even try to kill him. I'd rather be killed by him.
ANDERS
You're talking shit, Dan.
DAN
No, grandpa. I'd rather die. If I had survived that massacre, I would be now suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Dying is much easier.
Scream10
Halitosis!
ANDERS
You don't know what you are talking about Dan.
DAN
I know grandpa! If I had killed Breivik, I would go to Hell!
ANDERS
No, you wouldn't.
DAN
What do you mean by that, grandpa?
ANDERS
Killing such a devil could be only a good deed. Anyway, your mother comes from England, which makes you a half-Englishman.
DAN
So what?
ANDERS
So you wouldn't go to Hell. God is an Englishman after all. And the English are the Chosen People.
DAN
Yeah... You are right. If Breivik came here, I would kill him with my bare hands!
ANDERS
(Remains silent)
DAN
Grandpa... I've just had a crazy thought.
ANDERS
What thought?
DAN
If there were 99 Breiviks in Utøya... how would that end?
ANDERS
Beats me. Have no idea.
Norwegians01
Related?
DAN
Well, I can think of two ways out. The first one is that every Breivik kills one Breivik leaving one Breivik alive.
ANDERS
And he would be caught by the police.
DAN
Yep. And the second one is that one Breivik - the strongest one - kills all the other Breiviks like in the first-past-the-post electoral system.
ANDERS
And he would still be caught by the police.
DAN
Yeah... Why do you stress the catching part so much?
ANDERS
He should've been shot dead that day. Had I been there, I would have done so.
DAN
Right. Where's Breivik now?
ANDERS
He's in prison.
DAN
Why do you want to kill him?
ANDERS
I don't know. I took my axe and came here. Not much thought 'bout that.
DAN
If he came here, he is nuts.
ANDERS
He is nuts anyway. Even worse that this.
DAN
Anyway, grandpa. Do you think Unabomber should sue Breivik for copyright infringement of his manifesto?
Climbing
Exercise!
ANDERS
Why would he want to do that?
DAN
I'm not sure but he must be terribly bored in prison. He spends 23 hours a day closed in a dark airless prison cell, so if he sued Breivik, it would be some kind of fun for him, wouldn't it be?
ANDERS
You might be right.
DAN
If I were the Unabomber, I would sue Breivik.
ANDERS
And I would kill both.
DAN
That's not good of you, grandpa.
ANDERS
I know. But I'm old and I don't care.
ANDERS
We don't need him. He should be hanged.
DAN
But we're in Norway.
Straitjacket1
Constricted?
ANDERS
People can be hung anywhere.
DAN
Not in Norway. In Norway people can only hang themselves.
ANDERS
That's an idea.
DAN
You can't make Breivik hang himself.
ANDERS
If there will be no other way to kill him, I will try that.
DAN
Crazy idea.
ANDERS
We're all a bit crazy, aren't we?
DAN
You are crazy, grandpa.
ANDERS
You are irritating me Dan.
DAN
So imagine that I'm not here.
ANDERS
No, I won't.
DAN
I will make you think I'm not here.
ANDERS
You can't do that.
Man-holding-an-axe-leaning-against-a-tree
Wood!
DAN

Yes, I can.

(Short silence.)
How long are we going to wait for him?
ANDERS
No more than 21 years. He should be pardoned by then.
DAN
Breivik will never come.

Close-up of Anders' face.

ANDERS
Yeah, I know.

Camera gets back to its original position. We see no sign of Dan.

ANDERS
Neither will you Dan. God rest your soul.

Anders is still leaning against a tree looking eastward.

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