UnScripts:Law & Order: Puritan New England

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[[Image:Lawandorder01.jpg|thumb|right|250px|The original ''Law & Order'' (which is sometimes called ''Law & Order: Law & Order'') was canceled in 2010, potentially making way for the unrealized ''Law & Order: Puritan New England''.]]
 
[[Image:Lawandorder01.jpg|thumb|right|250px|The original ''Law & Order'' (which is sometimes called ''Law & Order: Law & Order'') was canceled in 2010, potentially making way for the unrealized ''Law & Order: Puritan New England''.]]
 
At the end of the 2010 spring season, [[NBC]] canceled longtime staple ''[[Law & Order]]'', a program that had run on the network for twenty consecutive seasons and been instrumental in wresting away viewers in the critical [[Old People|65-and-older demographic]] from competing network [[CBS]] and the upstart [[Bingo|Bingo Channel]]. The storied program has since become the most syndicated show in the history of television, often airing a cumulative seven hours between [[Dynamite|TNT]], [[Portal:Film|AMC]] and Bravo on any given weekday, not to mention providing the basis for Sam Waterston’s lucrative insurance commercial career. The show’s current heir-apparent is ''Law & Order: Los Angeles'', a show that uses the exact same premise as Dick Wolf’s original brainchild, albeit with a different cast and setting. This incarnation of the show, however, was not the only ''Law & Order'' spinoff that NBC considered. Other possibilities entertained by the network’s brass included ''Law & Order: The Nuremberg Trials''—a program premise which was ultimately deemed too risky to air—and the decidedly less provocative ''Law & Order: Cases in Torte Law'', which was agreed to be too boring, even by ''Law & Order'' standards. One premise that was given some degree of consideration by the [[NBC]] program executives, though, was the intriguing '''''Law & Order: Puritan New England''''', a show that promised to grip viewers with plots “ripped from the headlines of late 17th century [[Massachusetts]].” This particular premise made it as far as the scripting stage, and though it was never filmed or aired, the pilot script written for the project is considered by many to be one of the better ones in a canon that contains nearly a thousand such scripts. This daring script is transcribed in its entirety below.
 
At the end of the 2010 spring season, [[NBC]] canceled longtime staple ''[[Law & Order]]'', a program that had run on the network for twenty consecutive seasons and been instrumental in wresting away viewers in the critical [[Old People|65-and-older demographic]] from competing network [[CBS]] and the upstart [[Bingo|Bingo Channel]]. The storied program has since become the most syndicated show in the history of television, often airing a cumulative seven hours between [[Dynamite|TNT]], [[Portal:Film|AMC]] and Bravo on any given weekday, not to mention providing the basis for Sam Waterston’s lucrative insurance commercial career. The show’s current heir-apparent is ''Law & Order: Los Angeles'', a show that uses the exact same premise as Dick Wolf’s original brainchild, albeit with a different cast and setting. This incarnation of the show, however, was not the only ''Law & Order'' spinoff that NBC considered. Other possibilities entertained by the network’s brass included ''Law & Order: The Nuremberg Trials''—a program premise which was ultimately deemed too risky to air—and the decidedly less provocative ''Law & Order: Cases in Torte Law'', which was agreed to be too boring, even by ''Law & Order'' standards. One premise that was given some degree of consideration by the [[NBC]] program executives, though, was the intriguing '''''Law & Order: Puritan New England''''', a show that promised to grip viewers with plots “ripped from the headlines of late 17th century [[Massachusetts]].” This particular premise made it as far as the scripting stage, and though it was never filmed or aired, the pilot script written for the project is considered by many to be one of the better ones in a canon that contains nearly a thousand such scripts. This daring script is transcribed in its entirety below.
   
 
==The Script==
 
==The Script==
'''COLD OPEN'''
+
<div style="font-family:'Courier New', monospace, serif;background-color:#f6f6f6">
  +
{{block|'''COLD OPEN'''}}
 
 
'''NARRATOR'''
+
{{line|NARRATOR|In the [[Puritan|Puritan justice system]], the People are represented by two separate yet equally important Groups: the [[Police|Constables]], who investigate crime, and the presiding Judges, who prosecute the [[God]]-offending dregs, condemn their sinful actions, and punish their grievous crimes. These art their Stories.}}
In the [[Puritan|Puritan justice system]], the People are represented by two
 
separate yet equally important Groups: the [[Police|Constables]], who investigate
 
crime, and the presiding Judges, who prosecute the [[God]]-offending dregs,
 
condemn their sinful actions, and punish their grievous crimes. These
 
art their Stories.
 
 
 
''Dun-dun''
+
{{block|''DUN-DUN''}}
 
 
'''EXT. RURAL NEW ENGLAND ROAD MORNING'''
+
{{block|set=EXT. RURAL NEW ENGLAND ROAD|time=MORNING|Two women in period dress speak in an animated and lively manner as they casually stroll down the rural road.}}
 
 
Two women in period dress speak in an animated and lively manner as they casually stroll down the rural road.
+
{{line|GOODEWOMAN #1|…but my husband cares not for [[Bread]], it seems, ’less the stuff be cover’d by a goode and healthy Mold of several days.}}
  +
  +
{{line|GOODEWOMAN #2|And is that all that ails you? I fear how you would act when confronted with a real [[The Crucible|Crucible]], if this trifling matter vexes so!}}
 
 
'''GOODEWOMAN #1'''
+
{{line|GOODEWOMAN #1|Well, my goode husband and I have also [[Sex|consummated our Love]] but thrice in seven years since Marriage,— I fear that I may soon seek’st base Fornication with the neighbors’ slave ’twere it not for…— [[God|God’s]] blood, look’st there!}}
…but my husband cares not for [[Bread]], it seems, ’less the stuff be cover’d
 
by a goode and healthy Mold of several days.
 
 
 
'''GOODEWOMAN #2'''
+
{{line|GOODEWOMAN #2|What is it?}}
And is that all that ails you? I fear how you would act when confronted
 
with a real [[The Crucible|Crucible]], if this trifling matter vexes so!
 
 
 
'''GOODEWOMAN #1'''
+
{{line|GOODEWOMAN #1|’Tis the proctor, Constance Putnam! [[Media:LAOPeasants.jpg|He plows his Field on the Sabbath!]]}}
Well, my goode husband and I have also [[Sex|consummated our Love]] but thrice in
 
seven years since Marriage,— I fear that I may soon seek’st base Fornication
 
with the neighbors’ slave ’twere it not for…— [[God|God’s]] blood, look’st there!
 
 
 
'''GOODEWOMAN #2'''
+
{{line|GOODEWOMAN #2|Good Lord! Quickly, fetch the Constables! Help…help!}}
What is it?
 
 
 
'''GOODEWOMAN #1'''
+
{{block|set=EXT. CONSTANCE PUTNAM’S FIELD|time=LATE MORNING|In the midst of Mr. Putnam's large, damp field are two investigators. The older of the two, CONSTABLE STEADFAST HANDJOBB, is an ostensibly grizzled veteran of the force. The other, younger constable is INCREASE FRICTION, Hanjobb’s young-gun loose-cannon occasionally-sarcastic partner. The junior of the two constables is examining Mr. Putnam’s field with the finest forensic equipment of the day, which is to say a magnifying glass.}}
’Tis the proctor, Constance Putnam! [[Media:LAOPeasants.jpg|He plows his Field on the Sabbath!]]
 
 
 
'''GOODEWOMAN #2'''
+
{{line|INCREASE FICTION|Look’st tho’ this Field were plowed not an hour ago.}}
Good Lord! Quickly, fetch the Constables! Help…help!
 
 
 
'''EXT. CONSTANCE PUTNAM’S FIELD LATE MORNING'''
+
{{block|Handjobb picks up an handful of dirt and tastes it}}
  +
  +
{{line|paren=looking contemplative.|STEADFAST HANDJOBB|Yea, and with a plow, too.}}
 
 
In the midst of Mr. Putnam’s large, damp field are two investigators. The older of the two, Constable Steadfast
+
{{block|What is ostentatiously a FORENSICS PERSON, or the closest period equivalent thereof, enters the frame.}}
Handjobb, is an ostensibly grizzled veteran of the force. The other, younger constable is Increase Friction,
 
Handjobb’s young-gun loose-cannon occasionally-sarcastic partner. The junior of the two constables is examining
 
Mr. Putnam’s field with the finest forensic equipment of the day, which is to say a magnifying glass.
 
 
 
'''INCREASE FICTION'''
+
{{line|FORENSICS PERSON|We’ve ropeth’d off the entire Field, and placed little cones within all the plowèd Furrows.}}
Look’st tho’ this Field were plowed not an hour ago.
 
 
 
Steadfast Handjobb picks up and handful of dirt and tastes it, looking contemplative.
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Find’st thou anything?}}
 
 
'''STEADFAST HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|FORENSICS PERSON|Yea, come hither.}}
Yea, and with a plow, too.
 
 
 
What is ostentatiously a forensics person, or the closest period equivalent thereof, enters the frame.
+
{{block|The two men walk to another area of Mr. Putnam’s field and peer down at the ground.}}
 
 
'''FORENSICS PERSON'''
+
{{line|FORENSICS PERSON|Knowst thou what this is?}}
We’ve ropeth’d off the entire Field, and placed little cones within all the plowèd Furrows.
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{block|Handjobb bends down once again and tastes the substance in question on the ground.}}
Find’st thou anything?
 
 
 
'''FORENSICS PERSON'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Yea, ’tis [[Media:LAOHorse.jpg|horse Droppings]].— The Perpetrator must have made use of such a beast.}}
Yea, come hither.
 
 
 
The two men walk to another area of Mr. Putnam’s field and peer down at the ground.
+
{{line|FORENSICS PERSON|Didst thou really have to taste…—}}
 
 
'''FORENSICS PERSON'''
+
{{block|The unnamed forensics person’s statement is interrupted by an off-frame interjection.}}
Knowst thou what this is?
 
 
 
Constable Handjobb bends down once again and tastes the substance in question on the ground.
+
{{line|FRICTION|Handjobb, come hither!}}
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Yea, what ails you?}}
Yea, ’tis [[Media:LAOHorse.jpg|horse Droppings]].— The Perpetrator must have made use of such a beast.
 
 
 
'''FORENSICS PERSON'''
+
{{line|FRICTION|Look’st.}}
Didst thou really have to taste…—
 
 
 
The unnamed forensics person’s statement is interrupted by an off-frame interjection.
+
{{block|The camera peers down to reveal a handful of squash seeds in the furrow of the field.}}
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Squash seeds…— look’st like this was about more than merely plowing one’s Field.}}
Handjobb, come hither!
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{block|Here ends the cold opening and begins the show’s opening sequence, which features several clips and images in montage of the show’s cast accompanied by a reinterpretation of the classic ''Law & Order'' theme played in a pleasant air of the period. Eventually, the opening sequence ends and the drama resumes.}}
Yea, what ails you?
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{block|set=EXT. RURAL NEW ENGLAND ROAD|time=NOON|Constables Handjobb and Friction stand abreast of each other, and face the two women from before, whom they are interrogating regarding the developing case.}}
Look’st.
 
 
 
The camera peers down to reveal a handful of squash seeds in the furrow of the field.
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|So, ye both claim to’ve seen a man plowing the Field of Master Constance Putnam nary an hour ago?}}
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|GOODEWOMAN #2|Yea…— ’twas awful, a truly terrible sight.}}
Squash seeds…— look’st like this was about more than merely plowing one’s Field.
 
 
 
Here ends the cold opening and begins the show’s opening sequence, which features several clips and images in
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Not just plowing, Goodewoman. We found minute Seeds of squash in the Furrows;— therefore, we believe that he planted as well.}}
montage of the show’s cast accompanied by a reinterpretation of the classic ''Law & Order'' theme played in a
 
pleasant air of the period. Eventually, the opening sequence ends and the drama resumes.
 
 
 
'''EXT. RURAL NEW ENGLAND ROAD NOON'''
+
{{line|GOODEWOMAN #2|Plowing and planting on the Sabbath? I would have never guessed that Master Putnam was such a man.}}
 
 
Constables Handjobb and Friction stand abreast of each other, and face the two women from before, whom they are
+
{{line|FRICTION|But art thee sure it was Putnam that was plowing?}}
interrogating regarding the developing case.
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|GOODEWOMAN #2|Yea.}}
So, ye both claim to’ve seen a man plowing the Field of Mister
 
Constance Putnam nary an hour ago?
 
 
 
'''GOODEWOMAN #2'''
+
{{line|GOODEWOMAN #1|No doubt;— it was the goodeman’s field, after all.}}
Yea…— ’twas awful, a truly terrible sight.
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|FRICTION|But did’st thou actually see it was Master Putnam, beyond doubt?}}
Not just plowing, Goodewoman. We found minute Seeds of squash in the
 
Furrows;— therefore, we believe that he planted as well.
 
 
 
'''GOODEWOMAN #2'''
+
{{line|GOODEWOMAN #1|I must confess, I could’st not clearly view the goodeman’s face, due to the large buckl’d hat he was wearing, which obscur’d his Visage.}}
Plowing and planting on the Sabbath? I would have never guessed that
 
Mister Putnam was such a man.
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{block|Constable Handjobb scribbles down some notes on a piece of parchment.}}
But art thee sure it was Putnam that was plowing?
 
 
 
'''GOODEWOMAN #2'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Well, we want to be sure ’twas him;— it is a very serious thing he stands accus’d of doing.}}
Yea.
 
 
 
'''GOODEWOMAN #1'''
+
{{line|GOODEWOMAN #1|Well, Constable, Master Putnam owns some seven hundred acres of land;— I know of no man who would willingly plow so many Furrows and sow his seeds within, let alone illicitly…—[[Innuendo|how I wish a goodeman would do such things to me]].}}
No doubt;— it was the goodeman’s field, after all.
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|FRICTION|Well, regardless ma’am, we must be certain of the Accusation. Hast the Goodeman Putnam any neighbors that we may interrogate?}}
But did’st thou actually see it was Mister Putnam, beyond doubt?
 
 
 
'''GOODEWOMAN #1'''
+
{{line|GOODEWOMAN #2|Yea, one: a Goodeman by the name of Prudence Mather. He lives four miles up the road.}}
I must confess, I could’st not clearly view the goodeman’s face, due to
 
the large buckl’d hat he was wearing, which obscur’d his Visage.
 
 
 
Constable Handjobb scribbles down some notes on a piece of parchment.
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Might he have witness’d anything, you reckon?}}
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|GOODEWOMAN #2|Like I said, he lives four miles up the road.}}
Well, we want to be sure ’twas him;— it is a very serious thing he stands
 
accus’d of doing.
 
 
 
'''GOODEWOMAN #1'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Thankee, goodewomen.}}
Well, Constable, Mister Putnam owns some seven hundred acres of land;—
 
I know of no man who would willingly plow so many Furrows and sew his
 
seeds within, let alone illicitly…—[[Innuendo|how I wish a goodeman would do such
 
things to me]].
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{block|set=EXT. PRUDENCE MATHER’S DOORSTEP|time=AFTERNOON|Constables Handjobb and Friction, who are quite out of breath from their miles-long trek, stand before the door of what is ostensibly PRUDENCE MATHER’s home. Friction knocks on the door while Handjobb reaches to his overcoat pocket to produce his period-accurate badge, which is printed on a piece of rolled up parchment. Prudence Mather comes quickly to the door, and opens it to the exhausted constables.}}
Well, regardless ma’am, we must be certain of the Accusation. Hast the
 
Goodeman Putnam any neighbors that we may interrogate?
 
 
 
'''GOODEWOMAN #2'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Constables Handjobb and Friction, police.}}
Yea, one: a Goodeman by the name of Prudence Mather. He lives four miles
 
up the road.
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|PRUDENCE MATHER|What bring’st thee here, Constables?}}
Might he have witness’d anything, you reckon?
 
 
 
'''GOODEWOMAN #2'''
+
{{line|FRICTION|We’re here investigating a Matter relating to the plowing and planting of Master Putnam’s Field.}}
Like I said, he lives four miles up the road.
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|MATHER|Oh?}}
Thankee, goodewomen.
 
 
 
'''EXT. PRUDENCE MATHER’S DOORSTEP AFTERNOON'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|…—An act which occur’d on the Sabbath day, today.}}
 
 
Constables Handjobb and Friction, who are quite out of breath from their miles-long trek, stand before the door
+
{{line|MATHER|My [[God]]…}}
of what is ostensibly Prudence Mather’s home. Friction knocks on the door while Handjobb reaches to his overcoat
 
pocket to produce his period-accurate badge, which is printed on a piece of rolled up parchment. Prudence Mather
 
comes quickly to the door, and opens it to the exhausted constables.
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Did’st thou see anything suspicious today,— anything pertaining to the plowing of the Field in question, or to Master Putnam?}}
Constables Handjobb and Friction, police.
 
 
 
'''PRUDENCE MATHER'''
+
{{line|FRICTION|An horse,— or other Beast of burden,— perhaps? Or a conspicuously large burlap Sack that might’ve held seeds?}}
What bring’st thee here, Constables?
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|MATHER|No, I did’st not.}}
We’re here investigating a Matter relating to the plowing and planting
 
of Mister Putnam’s Field.
 
 
 
'''MATHER'''
+
{{line|FRICTION|Art thou sure? Lying to a Constable is a damnable Offense in the Eyes of [[God]], I’ll have thee know.}}
Oh?
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|MATHER|Yea, I’m all but certain;— his property and mine art separated by a small forest: look’st for thyselves. }}
…—An act which occur’d on the Sabbath day, today.
 
 
 
'''MATHER'''
+
{{block|Mather points to the side of his house, to indicate the forest of which he speaks.}}
My [[God]]…
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Damme.}}
Did’st thou see anything suspicious today,— anything pertaining to
 
the plowing of the Field in question, or to Mister Putnam?
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|FRICTION|Well, dust thou know anything that might be relevant to our Investigation?}}
An horse,— or other Beast of burden,— perhaps? Or a conspicuously
 
large burlap Sack that might’ve held seeds?
 
 
 
'''MATHER'''
+
{{line|MATHER|I do know that Master Putnam often enjoys visiting his brother, Verity Putnam, on the Sabbath Day. Perhaps speak’st with him?}}
No, I did’st not.
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|FRICTION|Yea, thankee, and where does Master Verity Putnam live?}}
Art thou sure? Lying to a Constable is a damnable Offense in the Eyes
 
of [[God]], I’ll have thee know.
 
 
 
'''MATHER'''
+
{{line|MATHER|His Property lies on th’ other side of Towne, sirs.}}
Yea, I’m all but certain;— his property and mine art separated by a small
 
forest: look’st for thyselves.
 
 
 
Mather points to the side of his house, to indicate the forest of which he speaks.
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|And how far be the trek there?}}
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{block|Mather thinks a moment.}}
Damme.
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|MATHER|Hm, no further than eight or nine Miles, I should think.}}
Well, dust thou know anything that might be relevant to our
 
Investigation?
 
 
 
'''MATHER'''
+
{{block|Handjobb sighs.}}
I do know that Mister Putnam often enjoys visiting his brother,
 
Verity Putnam, on the Sabbath Day. Perhaps speak’st with him?
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Thankee, good Sir.}}
Yea, thankee, and where does Mister Verity Putnam live?
 
 
 
'''MATHER'''
+
{{block|''DUN-DUN''}}
His Property lies on th’ other side of Towne, sirs.
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{block|set=EXT. VERITY PUTNAM’S DOORSTEP|time=LATE AFTERNOON|Handjobb and Friction stand before yet another doorstep, this time of MR. VERITY PUTNAM, once again in physical exhaustion. Handjobb knocks on the door, which is answered shortly.}}
And how far be the trek there?
 
 
 
Mather thinks a moment.
+
{{line|VERITY PUTNAM|What seem’st to be the Problem, Constables?}}
 
 
'''MATHER'''
+
{{block|Constable Handjobb exasperatedly unfurls his parchment badge.}}
Hm, no further than eight or nine Miles, I should think.
 
 
 
Handjobb sighs.
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|I’m Constable Handjobb, and this is Constable Friction. We’re here to inquire upon the actions of your brother, one Constance Putnam.}}
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|V. PUTNAM|’S that so? And what begs this inquiry?}}
Thankee, good Sir.
 
 
 
''Dun-dun''
+
{{line|FRICTION|We believe your brother might be involved in a Sabbath-plowing-and-planting incident.}}
 
 
'''EXT. VERITY PUTNAM’S DOORSTEP LATE AFTERNOON'''
+
{{line|V. PUTNAM|[[God|’Sblood]], that’s so unlike him. Dust thee think that I were also involved?}}
 
 
Handjobb and Friction stand before yet another doorstep, this time of Mr. Verity Putnam, once again in physical
+
{{line|FRICTION|Nay, sir, we were curious as to whether or not your esteemèd brother were here at all today.}}
exhaustion. Handjobb knocks on the door, which is answered shortly.
 
 
 
'''VERITY PUTNAM'''
+
{{line|V. PUTNAM|He was not here this day, nay.}}
What seem’st to be the Problem, Constables?
 
 
 
Constable Handjobb exasperatedly unfurls his parchment badge.
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Hast thou any idea as to where else he could have been?}}
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|V. PUTNAM|Well, my brother was not the most devote of [[Church|Church-goers]], though he still did attend Mass more often that he did not: tho’ he were not here, perhaps he was in attendance at the [[Church]].}}
I’m Constable Handjobb, and this is Constable Friction. We’re here
 
to inquire upon the actions of your brother, one Constance Putnam.
 
 
 
'''V. PUTNAM'''
+
{{line|FRICTION|And which Church would that be, sir?}}
’S that so? And what begs this inquiry?
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|V. PUTNAM|The one near Towne’s centre}}
We believe your brother might be involved in a Sabbath-plowing-and-
 
planting incident.
 
 
 
'''V. PUTNAM'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|And how far’s that from here, sir?}}
[[God|’Sblood]], that’s so unlike him. Dust thee think that I were also
 
involved?
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|V. PUTNAM|’Tis not a long journey,— but a few Miles towneward.}}
Nay, sir, we were curious as to whether or not your esteemèd brother
 
were here at all today.
 
 
 
'''V. PUTNAM'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Thankee, sir.}}
He was not here this day, nay.
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{block|Varity Putnam closes the door behind him, and Handjobb and Friction step away from the gentleman’s door.}}
Hast thou any idea as to where else he could have been?
 
 
 
'''V. PUTNAM'''
+
{{line|FRICTION|We really must obtain ourselves a Wagon.}}
Well, my brother was not the most devote of [[Church|Church-goers]], though he
 
still did attend Mass more often that he did not: tho’ he were not here,
 
perhaps he was in attendance at the [[Church]].
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Aye, you’re telling me.}}
And which Church would that be, sir?
 
 
 
'''V. PUTNAM'''
+
{{block|set=INT. PURITAN [[Church|CHURCH]]|time=EVENING|Handjobb and Friction sit before one of the local reverends, and are visibly quite tired from all their running about throughout the day.}}
The one near Towne’s centre
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|G’evening, Reverend.}}
And how far’s that from here, sir?
 
 
 
'''V. PUTNAM'''
+
{{line|REVEREND|G’evening. What brings thee here?}}
’Tis not a long journey,— but a few Miles towneward.
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|My Partner and I were wond’ring…—}}
Thankee, sir.
 
 
 
Varity Putnam closes the door behind him, and Handjobb and Friction step away from the gentleman’s door.
+
{{line|REVEREND|‘Partner?’ Ye twain aren’t of a ''gay'' disposition, I hope?}}
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|paren=quiet nervously|Oh, nay, nay goode Rev’rend, we are Constables.}}
We really must obtain ourselves a Wagon.
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|FRICTION|Yea, and we’re here to inquire about the attendance of one of your Parishioners.}}
Aye, you’re telling me.
 
 
 
'''INT. PURITAN [[Church|CHURCH]] EVENING'''
+
{{line|REVEREND|Whom would that be?}}
 
Handjobb and Friction sit before one of the local reverends, and are visibly quite tired from all their running
 
about throughout the day.
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
 
G’evening, Reverend.
 
 
'''REVEREND'''
 
G’evening. What brings thee here?
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
 
My Partner and I were wond’ring…—
 
 
'''REVEREND'''
 
‘Partner?’ Ye twain aren’t of a ''gay'' disposition, I hope?
 
 
Handjobb answers quite nervously.
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
 
Oh, nay, nay goode Rev’rend, we are Constables.
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
 
Yea, and we’re here to inquire about the attendance of one of your
 
Parishioners.
 
 
'''REVEREND'''
 
Whom would that be?
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|One Constance Putnam, Rev’rend. Was he present at this day’s Service?}}
One Constance Putnam, Rev’rend. Was he present at this day’s Service?
 
 
 
'''REVEREND'''
+
{{line|REVEREND|Nay, I can’t say that I remember him.}}
Nay, I can’t say that I remember him.
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|FRICTION|That resolves it then.}}
That resolves it then.
 
 
 
'''REVEREND'''
+
{{line|REVEREND|Resolves what?}}
Resolves what?
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Rev’rend, we believe that Constance Putnam may very well have plow’d and planted his field today, on the Sabbath.}}
Rev’rend, we believe that Constance Putnam may very well have plow’d
 
and planted his field today, on the Sabbath.
 
 
 
'''REVEREND'''
+
{{line|REVEREND|Bless me, what is this world coming to…?}}
Bless me, what is this world coming to…?
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|I know Rev’rend, ’tis a tragedy.— Yet thanks to you, we’re about to take this Bastard down. Friction, let us to’t!}}
I know Rev’rend, ’tis a tragedy.— Yet thanks to you, we’re about to take
 
this Bastard down. Friction, let us to’t!
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|FRICTION|’Tis Sunset, Handjobb.}}
’Tis Sunset, Handjobb.
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Aye, well…we shall apprehend the Sinner on the morrow, then!}}
Aye, well…we shall apprehend the Sinner on the morrow, then!
 
 
 
''Dun-dun''
+
{{block|''DUN-DUN''}}
 
 
'''EXT. CONSTANCE PUTNAM’S DOORSTEP MORNING'''
+
{{block|set=EXT. CONSTANCE PUTNAM’S DOORSTEP|time=MORNING|Constable Handjobb and Constable Friction are accompanied by a number of unnamed, less-important constables outside the home of MR. CONSTANCE PUTNAM. They are all armed with [[gun|muskets]]. Handjobb and Friction press themselves against the wall on either side of Putnam’s door, and prepare to forcibly enter the residence.}}
 
 
Constable Handjobb and Constable Friction are accompanied by a number of unnamed, less-important constables outside
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Ready, goodemen? Three…two…one…enter! }}
the home of Mr. Constance Putnam. They are all armed with [[gun|muskets]]. Handjobb and Friction press themselves against
 
the wall on either side of Putnam’s door, and prepare to forcibly enter the residence.
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{block|Handjobb, Friction, and the other constables dramatically storm the Putnam house amid much shouting and clamor, eventually coming upon Putnam with his family at breakfast.}}
Ready, goodemen? Three…two…one…enter!
+
  +
{{line|PUTNAM|What is the meaning of this?}}
 
 
Handjobb, Friction, and the other constables dramatically storm the Putnam house amid much shouting and clamor,
+
{{line|FRICTION|Constance Putnam, thou art under arrest for the Plowing and Planting of thy Field—}}
eventually coming upon Putnam with his family at breakfast.
 
 
 
'''PUTNAM'''
+
{{line|PUTNAM|But I haven’t plow’d today yet!}}
What is the meaning of this?
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|FRICTION|—On the Sabbath.}}
Constance Putnam, thou art under arrest for the Plowing and Planting
 
of thy Field…—
 
 
 
'''PUTNAM'''
+
{{line|PUTNAM|But ’tis a Monday!}}
But I haven’t plow’d today yet!
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Thou would do better, to not object or resist. We have witnesses that profess it so, and Evidence that condemns you. }}
…On the Sabbath.
 
 
 
'''PUTNAM'''
+
{{block|HANDJOBB produces the horse droppings from the day before and presents them to Putnam.}}
But ’tis a Monday!
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|I suppose thou can tell’st me what this is?}}
Thou would do better, to not object or resist. We have witnesses that profess it so, and Evidence that condemns you.
 
 
 
He produces the horse droppings from the day before and presents it to Putnam.
+
{{line|PUTNAM|This entire thing is absurd!}}
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Take him away, Friction.}}
I suppose thou can tell’st me what this is?
 
 
 
'''PUTNAM'''
+
{{block|FRICTION produces a [[Media:LAOStockade.jpg|miniature stockade]] into which Putnam is placed, much to the horror and grief of his onlooking family, which is quite large.|(Screenwriter’s Note: cries of ‘Oh no!,’ ‘Nay, Father!,’ ‘Please, tak’st him not!’ etc. from his family may be added extemporaneously upon shooting.)}}
This entire thing is absurd!
+
  +
{{line|FRICTION|You’re coming with us, goode sir. Thou hast the Right to Silence, anything thou say’st can and will be us’d against thee in a goode and lawful Court; thou hast the right to a Lawyer, tho’ why thee would want such a thing is beyond me…}}
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{block|FADEOUT}}
Take him away, Friction.
 
 
 
Friction produces a [[Media:LAOStockade.jpg|miniature stockade]] into which Putnam is placed, much to the horror and grief of his
+
{{block|set=EXT. GROUNDS OF THE COURTHOUSE|time=DAY|Handjobb and Friction stand next to a man—who is seen to be a prostrate Putnam—[[Media:LAOPressing.jpg|pressed between two boards]] with large rocks being placed on top of the upper board. As this happens, the two constables are interrogating the compressed Putnam, with the implication being that this has gone on for quite some time.}}
onlooking family, which is quite large. (Screenwriter’s Note: cries of ‘Oh no!,’ ‘Nay, Father!,’ ‘Please,
 
tak’st him not!’ etc. from his family may be added extemporaneously upon shooting.)
 
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|PUTNAM|I am innocent, I tell ye! Innocent!}}
You’re coming with us, goode sir. Thou hast the Right to Silence,
 
anything thou say’st can and will be us’d against thee in a goode and
 
lawful Court; thou hast the right to a Lawyer, tho’ why thee would
 
want such a thing is beyond me…
 
 
 
'''FADEOUT'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|We have witnesses confirming they saw a Figure plowing thy Field, and yet more witnesses confirming that ye were not anywhere thy could’st have been upon that day! [[Biggles|Confess to your Crime! Confess!]]}}
 
 
'''EXT. GROUNDS OF THE COURTHOUSE – DAY'''
+
{{line|PUTNAM|I shall not!}}
 
 
Handjobb and Friction stand next to a man—who is seen to be a prostrate Putnam—[[Media:LAOPressing.jpg|pressed between two boards]] with
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|Friction, add another boulder t’ the boards!}}
large rocks being placed on top of the upper board. As this happens, the two constables are interrogating the
 
compressed Putnam, with the implication being that this has gone on for quite some time.
 
 
 
'''PUTNAM'''
+
{{line|FRICTION|Yea.}}
I am innocent, I tell ye! Innocent!
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
 
We have witnesses confirming they saw a Figure plowing thy Field, and
 
yet more witnesses confirming that ye were not anywhere thy could’st
 
have been upon that day! [[Biggles|Confess to your Crime! Confess!]]
 
 
'''PUTNAM'''
 
I shall not!
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
 
Friction, add another boulder t’ the boards!
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
 
Yea.
 
 
 
Friction moves to add another boulder to the board, but he is interrupted by an offscreen interjection from what
+
{{block|FRICTION moves to add another boulder to the board, but he is interrupted by an offscreen interjection from what is revealed to be Putnam’s attorney, CONTINENCE PYNCHON, who has just arrived.}}
is revealed to be Putnam’s attorney, Continence Pynchon, who has just arrived.
+
  +
{{line|CONTINENCE PYNCHON|Cease this at once!}}
 
 
'''CONTINENCE PYNCHON'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|On what Authority?}}
Cease this at once!
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|PYNCHON|On that of the Court, sir. }}
On what Authority?
 
 
 
'''PYNCHON'''
+
{{block|Pynchon produces a piece of parchment from his coat pocket.}}
On that of the Court, sir.
 
 
 
Pynchon produces a piece of parchment from his coat pocket.
+
{{line|PYNCHON|This barbaric Pressing ye perform is only to be done in matters concerning Murder, Rape, Theft, Witchcraft, Adultery, Usury, Embezzlement, and Tom-peeping thro’ a lady’s Window;— my Client stands accus’d of no such Crimes.}}
 
 
'''PYNCHON'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|And who might’st thee be?}}
This barbaric Pressing ye perform is only to be done in matters
 
concerning Murder, Rape, Theft, Witchcraft, Adultery, Usury, Embezzlement,
 
and Tom-peeping thro’ a lady’s Window;— my Client stands accus’d of no such
 
Crimes.
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|PYNCHON|I am Master Putnam’s hir’d Attorney, Continence Pynchon, here to defend him ’gainst the false accusations levied upon ’im.}}
And who might’st thee be?
 
 
 
'''PYNCHON'''
+
{{line|HANDJOBB|False accusations, sir?}}
I am Mister Putnam’s hir’d Attorney, Continence Pynchon, here to defend
 
him ’gainst the false accusations levied upon ’im.
 
 
 
'''HANDJOBB'''
+
{{line|PYNCHON|Yea,— now I suggest thee stop crushing my Client ’neath those boards, so that I might defend him in the Courthouse. }}
False accusations, sir?
 
 
 
'''PYNCHON'''
+
{{block|Pynchon walks away self-assuredly toward the building.}}
Yea,— now I suggest thee stop crushing my Client ’neath those boards,
 
so that I might defend him in the Courthouse.
 
 
 
Pynchon walks away self-assuredly toward the building.
+
{{line|FRICTION|How I hate lawyers.}}
 
 
'''FRICTION'''
+
{{line|PUTNAM|Speak’st for thyself.}}
How I hate lawyers.
 
 
 
'''PUTNAM'''
+
{{block|set=INT. COURTHOUSE|time=DAY|Putnam and Pynchon sit across the table from the local attorney SAMUEL WILLIAMS, who will be presenting the case against Putnam on behalf of the public.(Screenwriter’s Note: ideally, the part of Samuel Williams should be played by someone roughly analogous to, but decidedly not, Sam Waterston.)}}
Speak’st for thyself.
 
 
 
'''INT. COURTHOUSE DAY'''
+
{{line|SAMUEL WILLIAMS|Master Pynchon, if convicted, your Client shall be hanged by the neck for his crimes ’gainst Man and [[God]];— we will lessen the punishment to but being drowned in the creek, if he but admit to the Accusations.}}
  +
  +
{{line|PUTNAM|I shall do no such thing!}}
 
 
Putnam and Pynchon sit across the table from the local attorney Samuel Williams, who will be presenting the case
+
{{line|PYNCHON|Hold your tongue, Master Putnam….— He shall do no such thing, sir!}}
against Putnam on behalf of the public. (Screenwriter’s Note: ideally, the part of Samuel Williams should be
 
played by someone roughly analogous to, but decidedly not, Sam Waterston.)
 
 
 
'''SAMUEL WILLIAMS'''
+
{{line|WILLIAMS|Very well then;— there is no choice, then, but to press ahead with the Trial.}}
Mister Pynchon, if convicted, your Client shall be hanged by the neck
 
for his crimes ’gainst Man and [[God]];— we will lessen the punishment to
 
but being drowned in the creek, if he but admit to the Accusations.
 
 
 
'''PUTNAM'''
+
{{line|PYNCHON|Do not be so hasty, Master Williams: it so happens that my client has a certain amount of Knowledge regarding a local Coven of [[Witch|Witches]].}}
I shall do no such thing!
 
 
 
'''PYNCHON'''
+
{{line|WILLIAMS|Witches? What part could Sorc’ry possibly play in this Matter?}}
Hold your tongue, Mister Putnam….— He shall do no such thing, sir!
 
 
 
'''WILLIAMS'''
+
{{line|PYNCHON|A faire amount;— ye need only listen to Master Putnam’s Testimony.}}
Very well then;— there is no choice, then, but to press ahead with
 
the Trial.
 
 
 
'''PYNCHON'''
+
{{block|''DUN-DUN''}}
Do not be so hasty, Mister Williams: it so happens that my client has
 
a certain amount of Knowledge regarding a local Coven of [[Witch|Witches]].
 
 
 
'''WILLIAMS'''
+
{{block|set=INT. COURTHOUSE TRIAL CHAMBER|time=DAY|Presiding over the trial chamber of the courthouse is one JUDGE HAWTHORNE, an old, fiery, and decidedly puritanical man. Sitting before Judge Hawthorne behind a very heavy and embellished period table is Putnam, who is flanked to his left by Pynchon, his attorney. Williams, the prosecuting attorney, sits behind another period table next to the one which the other two men sit behind.}}
Witches? What part could Sorc’ry possibly play in this Matter?
 
 
 
'''PYNCHON'''
+
{{line|JUDGE HAWTHORNE|Master Constance Putnam, ye stand accus’d of plowing and seeding thy Field on the Sabbath Day. However, thy attorney has informed me that you claim this Act of which you stand accus’d was performed under the influence of Daemonick Sorcery from a local Coven of Witches…—}}
A fiaire amount;— ye need only listen to Mister Putnam’s Testimony.
+
  +
{{block|Those in attendance gasp in shock, leading Judge Hawthorne to bang his gavel in an attempt to call his court to order.}}
 
 
''Dun-dun''
+
{{line|HAWTHORNE|Order in this Court! Order! … Now, Master Putnam, can’st ye produce any Evidence supporting this claim of yours?}}
 
 
'''INT. COURTHOUSE TRIAL CHAMBER DAY'''
+
{{line|PUTNAM|Well, goode sir, I cannot in Faith say’st so, but…— look’st! Look’st there! ’Tis an [[Media:LAOPlow.jpg|evil Apparition of a Plow]]!}}
 
 
Presiding over the trial chamber of the courthouse is one Judge Hawthorne, an old, fiery, and decidedly puritanical
+
{{line|HAWTHORNE|Where!?}}
man. Sitting before Judge Hawthorne behind a very heavy and embellished period table is Putnam, who is flanked
 
to his left by Pynchon, his attorney. Williams, the prosecuting attorney, sits behind another period table next
 
to the one which the other two men sit behind.
 
 
 
'''JUDGE HAWTHORNE'''
+
{{line|PUTNAM|There! ’Tis there!}}
Mister Constance Putnam, ye stand accus’d of plowing and seeding thy
 
Field on the Sabbath Day. However, thy attorney has informed me that
 
you claim this Act of which you stand accus’d was performed under the
 
influence of Daemonick Sorcery from a local Coven of Witches…—
 
 
 
Those in attendance gasp in shock, leading Judge Hawthorne to bang his gavel in an attempt to call his court to
+
{{line|HAWTHORNE|I can’st not see it.}}
order.
 
 
 
'''HAWTHORNE'''
+
{{block|At this point Constance Putnam falls to the floor and begins to roll around, as if he were on fire.}}
Order in this Court! Order! … Now, Mister Putnam, can’st ye produce any
 
Evidence supporting this claim of yours?
 
 
 
'''PUTNAM'''
+
{{line|PUTNAM|Aggghhh!}}
Well, goode sir, I cannot in Faith say’st so, but…— look’st! Look’st there!
 
’Tis an [[Media:LAOPlow.jpg|evil Apparition of a Plow]]!
 
 
 
'''HAWTHORNE'''
+
{{line|WILLIAMS|Your Honor, I really must object to this…}}
Where!?
 
 
 
'''PUTNAM'''
+
{{line|HAWTHORNE|Objection upheld: Master Putnam, if ye must be afflictèd by an evil apparition, I suggest ye do it seated.}}
There! ’Tis there!
 
 
 
'''HAWTHORNE'''
+
{{block|Putnam abruptly ceases his flailing, and returns to his seat.}}
I can’st not see it.
 
 
 
At this point Constance Putnam falls to the floor and begins to roll around, as if he were on fire.
+
{{line|PUTNAM|Yes, your Honor.}}
 
 
'''PUTNAM'''
+
{{line|HAWTHORNE|Now, whom in this Towne belongs to the Witches’ Coven you claim to exist—?}}
Aggghhh!
 
 
 
'''WILLIAMS'''
+
{{line|WILLIAMS|Actually your Honor, my objection was in regard to the Nature of the Goodeman’s Testimony itself, which the prosecution feels has little to do with the matter he is being tried for, and, furthermore…—}}
Your Honor, I really must object to this…
+
  +
{{line|HAWTHORNE|Master Williams, what reason have you to object to the Testimony of Master Putnam, ’less the goodeman’s Testimony implicates yourself in the Hellish Accusations being levied?}}
 
 
'''HAWTHORNE'''
+
{{line|WILLIAMS|Judge Hawthorne, I can assure thee I am no…—}}
Objection upheld: Mister Putnam, if ye must be afflictèd by an evil
 
apparition, I suggest ye do it seated.
 
 
 
Putnam abruptly ceases his flailing, and returns to his seat.
+
{{line|PUTNAM|WITCH! }}
 
 
'''PUTNAM'''
+
{{block|Putnam frantically points toward Samuel Williams.}}
Yes, your Honor.
 
 
 
'''HAWTHORNE'''
+
{{line|PUTNAM|WITCH!}}
Now, whom in this Towne belongs to the Witches’ Coven you claim to exist—?
 
 
 
'''WILLIAMS'''
+
{{block|This sudden accusation is met with gasps and cries from those in attendance, leading Judge Hawthorne to bang his gavel yet again.}}
Actually your Honor, my objection was in regard to the Nature of the Goodeman’s
 
Testimony itself, which the prosecution feels has little to do with the matter
 
he is being tried for, and, furthermore…—
 
 
 
'''HAWTHORNE'''
+
{{line|HAWTHORNE|I’ll have Order in this Court! Order! Master Samuel Williams, thou art accus’d of practicing the Dark Arts, having Consort with daemonic ambassadors of Hell, and having carnal Knowledge of the Evil One;— Constables, take him away! He shall stand Trial on the morrow for his Crimes.}}
Mister Williams, what reason have you to object to the Testimony of Mister Putnam,
 
’less the goodeman’s Testimony implicates yourself in the Hellish Accusations being
 
levied?
 
 
 
'''WILLIAMS'''
+
{{block|set=INT. COURTHOUSE TRIAL CHAMBER|time=DAY|Samuel Williams sits behind the table that Constance Putnam sat behind the day prior with a look of despair and dejection on his face. Judge Hawthorne bangs his gavel to bring the court to order.}}
Judge Hawthorne, I can assure thee I am no…—
 
 
 
'''PUTNAM'''
+
{{line|HAWTHORNE|Master Williams, ye stand accus’d of practicing Witchcraft. How dost thou plead?}}
WITCH!
 
 
 
Putnam frantically points toward Samuel Williams.
+
{{line|WILLIAMS|I am not guilty.}}
 
 
'''PUTNAM'''
+
{{line|HAWTHORNE|A likely assertion, Master Williams.}}
WITCH!
 
 
 
This sudden accusation is met with gasps and cries from those in attendance, leading Judge Hawthorne to bang his gavel yet again.
+
{{line|WILLIAMS|But I am no Witch!}}
 
 
'''HAWTHORNE'''
+
{{line|HAWTHORNE|Master Williams, you of all people should’st be aware of the Protocol for the Interrogation and Sentencing of suspectèd Witches: the more the suspectèd party denies, the more likely they art a Witch.}}
I’ll have Order in this Court! Order! … Mister Samuel Williams, thou
 
art accus’d of practicing the Dark Arts, having Consort with daemonic
 
ambassadors of Hell, and having carnal Knowledge of the Evil One;—
 
Constables, take him away! He shall stand Trial on the morrow for his
 
Crimes.
 
 
 
'''INT. COURTHOUSE TRIAL CHAMBER – DAY'''
+
{{line|WILLIAMS|Oh. Dammit.}}
 
 
Samuel Williams sits behind the table that Constance Putnam sat behind the day prior with a look of despair
+
{{block|Judge Hawthorne authoritatively and confidently bangs his gavel. The foreboding, minor-keyed [[music]] that plays upon the sentence of every ''Law & Order'' episode begins here.}}
and dejection on his face. Judge Hawthorne bangs his gavel to bring the court to order.
 
 
 
'''HAWTHORNE'''
+
{{line|HAWTHORNE|Take him away. He is to be hang’d by the neck on the morrow.}}
Mister Williams, ye stand accus’d of practicing Witchcraft. How dust
 
thou plead?
 
 
 
'''WILLIAMS'''
+
{{block|FADEOUT &mdash; ROLL CREDITS}}
I am not guilty.
 
 
 
'''HAWTHORNE'''
+
{{block|EXECUTIVE PRODUCER DICK WOLF}}
A likely assertion, Mister Williams.
 
 
 
'''WILLIAMS'''
+
{{block|…}}
But I am no Witch!
+
</div>
+
'''HAWTHORNE'''
 
Mister Williams, you of all people should’st be aware of the Protocol
 
for the Interrogation and Sentencing of suspectèd Witches: the more the
 
suspectèd party denies, the more likely they art a Witch.
 
 
'''WILLIAMS'''
 
Oh. Dammit.
 
 
Hawthorne authoritatively and confidently bangs his gavel.
 
 
'''HAWTHORNE'''
 
Take him away. He is to be hang’d by the neck on the morrow.
 
 
The foreboding, minor-keyed [[music]] that plays upon the sentence of every ''Law & Order'' episode begins here.
 
 
'''FADEOUT'''
 
 
'''EXECUTIVE PRODUCER DICK WOLF'''
 
 
'''…'''
 
   
{{Template:PLS|Best Alternate Namespace Article|January-February 2011}}
+
{{Template:PLS|Best Alternate Namespace Article|Winter 2011}}
   
[[Category:Law]]
+
[[Category:American television series]]
[[Category:Order]]
+
[[Category:History of the United States]]
  +
[[Category:Law & Order]]
  +
[[Category:PLS Entry January 2011]]
  +
{{FA|date=16 February 2011|revision=4969552}}

Latest revision as of 08:39, October 14, 2011

Lawandorder01
The original Law & Order (which is sometimes called Law & Order: Law & Order) was canceled in 2010, potentially making way for the unrealized Law & Order: Puritan New England.

At the end of the 2010 spring season, NBC canceled longtime staple Law & Order, a program that had run on the network for twenty consecutive seasons and been instrumental in wresting away viewers in the critical 65-and-older demographic from competing network CBS and the upstart Bingo Channel. The storied program has since become the most syndicated show in the history of television, often airing a cumulative seven hours between TNT, AMC and Bravo on any given weekday, not to mention providing the basis for Sam Waterston’s lucrative insurance commercial career. The show’s current heir-apparent is Law & Order: Los Angeles, a show that uses the exact same premise as Dick Wolf’s original brainchild, albeit with a different cast and setting. This incarnation of the show, however, was not the only Law & Order spinoff that NBC considered. Other possibilities entertained by the network’s brass included Law & Order: The Nuremberg Trials—a program premise which was ultimately deemed too risky to air—and the decidedly less provocative Law & Order: Cases in Torte Law, which was agreed to be too boring, even by Law & Order standards. One premise that was given some degree of consideration by the NBC program executives, though, was the intriguing Law & Order: Puritan New England, a show that promised to grip viewers with plots “ripped from the headlines of late 17th century Massachusetts.” This particular premise made it as far as the scripting stage, and though it was never filmed or aired, the pilot script written for the project is considered by many to be one of the better ones in a canon that contains nearly a thousand such scripts. This daring script is transcribed in its entirety below.

The Script

COLD OPEN

NARRATOR
In the Puritan justice system, the People are represented by two separate yet equally important Groups: the Constables, who investigate crime, and the presiding Judges, who prosecute the God-offending dregs, condemn their sinful actions, and punish their grievous crimes. These art their Stories.

DUN-DUN

EXT. RURAL NEW ENGLAND ROAD - MORNING
Two women in period dress speak in an animated and lively manner as they casually stroll down the rural road.
GOODEWOMAN #1
…but my husband cares not for Bread, it seems, ’less the stuff be cover’d by a goode and healthy Mold of several days.
GOODEWOMAN #2
And is that all that ails you? I fear how you would act when confronted with a real Crucible, if this trifling matter vexes so!
GOODEWOMAN #1
Well, my goode husband and I have also consummated our Love but thrice in seven years since Marriage,— I fear that I may soon seek’st base Fornication with the neighbors’ slave ’twere it not for…— God’s blood, look’st there!
GOODEWOMAN #2
What is it?
GOODEWOMAN #1
’Tis the proctor, Constance Putnam! He plows his Field on the Sabbath!
GOODEWOMAN #2
Good Lord! Quickly, fetch the Constables! Help…help!
EXT. CONSTANCE PUTNAM’S FIELD - LATE MORNING
In the midst of Mr. Putnam's large, damp field are two investigators. The older of the two, CONSTABLE STEADFAST HANDJOBB, is an ostensibly grizzled veteran of the force. The other, younger constable is INCREASE FRICTION, Hanjobb’s young-gun loose-cannon occasionally-sarcastic partner. The junior of the two constables is examining Mr. Putnam’s field with the finest forensic equipment of the day, which is to say a magnifying glass.
INCREASE FICTION
Look’st tho’ this Field were plowed not an hour ago.

Handjobb picks up an handful of dirt and tastes it

STEADFAST HANDJOBB
(looking contemplative.)
Yea, and with a plow, too.

What is ostentatiously a FORENSICS PERSON, or the closest period equivalent thereof, enters the frame.

FORENSICS PERSON
We’ve ropeth’d off the entire Field, and placed little cones within all the plowèd Furrows.
HANDJOBB
Find’st thou anything?
FORENSICS PERSON
Yea, come hither.

The two men walk to another area of Mr. Putnam’s field and peer down at the ground.

FORENSICS PERSON
Knowst thou what this is?

Handjobb bends down once again and tastes the substance in question on the ground.

HANDJOBB
Yea, ’tis horse Droppings.— The Perpetrator must have made use of such a beast.
FORENSICS PERSON
Didst thou really have to taste…—

The unnamed forensics person’s statement is interrupted by an off-frame interjection.

FRICTION
Handjobb, come hither!
HANDJOBB
Yea, what ails you?
FRICTION
Look’st.

The camera peers down to reveal a handful of squash seeds in the furrow of the field.

HANDJOBB
Squash seeds…— look’st like this was about more than merely plowing one’s Field.

Here ends the cold opening and begins the show’s opening sequence, which features several clips and images in montage of the show’s cast accompanied by a reinterpretation of the classic Law & Order theme played in a pleasant air of the period. Eventually, the opening sequence ends and the drama resumes.

EXT. RURAL NEW ENGLAND ROAD - NOON
Constables Handjobb and Friction stand abreast of each other, and face the two women from before, whom they are interrogating regarding the developing case.
HANDJOBB
So, ye both claim to’ve seen a man plowing the Field of Master Constance Putnam nary an hour ago?
GOODEWOMAN #2
Yea…— ’twas awful, a truly terrible sight.
HANDJOBB
Not just plowing, Goodewoman. We found minute Seeds of squash in the Furrows;— therefore, we believe that he planted as well.
GOODEWOMAN #2
Plowing and planting on the Sabbath? I would have never guessed that Master Putnam was such a man.
FRICTION
But art thee sure it was Putnam that was plowing?
GOODEWOMAN #2
Yea.
GOODEWOMAN #1
No doubt;— it was the goodeman’s field, after all.
FRICTION
But did’st thou actually see it was Master Putnam, beyond doubt?
GOODEWOMAN #1
I must confess, I could’st not clearly view the goodeman’s face, due to the large buckl’d hat he was wearing, which obscur’d his Visage.

Constable Handjobb scribbles down some notes on a piece of parchment.

HANDJOBB
Well, we want to be sure ’twas him;— it is a very serious thing he stands accus’d of doing.
GOODEWOMAN #1
Well, Constable, Master Putnam owns some seven hundred acres of land;— I know of no man who would willingly plow so many Furrows and sow his seeds within, let alone illicitly…—how I wish a goodeman would do such things to me.
FRICTION
Well, regardless ma’am, we must be certain of the Accusation. Hast the Goodeman Putnam any neighbors that we may interrogate?
GOODEWOMAN #2
Yea, one: a Goodeman by the name of Prudence Mather. He lives four miles up the road.
HANDJOBB
Might he have witness’d anything, you reckon?
GOODEWOMAN #2
Like I said, he lives four miles up the road.
HANDJOBB
Thankee, goodewomen.
EXT. PRUDENCE MATHER’S DOORSTEP - AFTERNOON
Constables Handjobb and Friction, who are quite out of breath from their miles-long trek, stand before the door of what is ostensibly PRUDENCE MATHER’s home. Friction knocks on the door while Handjobb reaches to his overcoat pocket to produce his period-accurate badge, which is printed on a piece of rolled up parchment. Prudence Mather comes quickly to the door, and opens it to the exhausted constables.
HANDJOBB
Constables Handjobb and Friction, police.
PRUDENCE MATHER
What bring’st thee here, Constables?
FRICTION
We’re here investigating a Matter relating to the plowing and planting of Master Putnam’s Field.
MATHER
Oh?
HANDJOBB
…—An act which occur’d on the Sabbath day, today.
MATHER
My God
HANDJOBB
Did’st thou see anything suspicious today,— anything pertaining to the plowing of the Field in question, or to Master Putnam?
FRICTION
An horse,— or other Beast of burden,— perhaps? Or a conspicuously large burlap Sack that might’ve held seeds?
MATHER
No, I did’st not.
FRICTION
Art thou sure? Lying to a Constable is a damnable Offense in the Eyes of God, I’ll have thee know.
MATHER
Yea, I’m all but certain;— his property and mine art separated by a small forest: look’st for thyselves.

Mather points to the side of his house, to indicate the forest of which he speaks.

HANDJOBB
Damme.
FRICTION
Well, dust thou know anything that might be relevant to our Investigation?
MATHER
I do know that Master Putnam often enjoys visiting his brother, Verity Putnam, on the Sabbath Day. Perhaps speak’st with him?
FRICTION
Yea, thankee, and where does Master Verity Putnam live?
MATHER
His Property lies on th’ other side of Towne, sirs.
HANDJOBB
And how far be the trek there?

Mather thinks a moment.

MATHER
Hm, no further than eight or nine Miles, I should think.

Handjobb sighs.

HANDJOBB
Thankee, good Sir.

DUN-DUN

EXT. VERITY PUTNAM’S DOORSTEP - LATE AFTERNOON
Handjobb and Friction stand before yet another doorstep, this time of MR. VERITY PUTNAM, once again in physical exhaustion. Handjobb knocks on the door, which is answered shortly.
VERITY PUTNAM
What seem’st to be the Problem, Constables?

Constable Handjobb exasperatedly unfurls his parchment badge.

HANDJOBB
I’m Constable Handjobb, and this is Constable Friction. We’re here to inquire upon the actions of your brother, one Constance Putnam.
V. PUTNAM
’S that so? And what begs this inquiry?
FRICTION
We believe your brother might be involved in a Sabbath-plowing-and-planting incident.
V. PUTNAM
’Sblood, that’s so unlike him. Dust thee think that I were also involved?
FRICTION
Nay, sir, we were curious as to whether or not your esteemèd brother were here at all today.
V. PUTNAM
He was not here this day, nay.
HANDJOBB
Hast thou any idea as to where else he could have been?
V. PUTNAM
Well, my brother was not the most devote of Church-goers, though he still did attend Mass more often that he did not: tho’ he were not here, perhaps he was in attendance at the Church.
FRICTION
And which Church would that be, sir?
V. PUTNAM
The one near Towne’s centre
HANDJOBB
And how far’s that from here, sir?
V. PUTNAM
’Tis not a long journey,— but a few Miles towneward.
HANDJOBB
Thankee, sir.

Varity Putnam closes the door behind him, and Handjobb and Friction step away from the gentleman’s door.

FRICTION
We really must obtain ourselves a Wagon.
HANDJOBB
Aye, you’re telling me.
INT. PURITAN CHURCH - EVENING
Handjobb and Friction sit before one of the local reverends, and are visibly quite tired from all their running about throughout the day.
HANDJOBB
G’evening, Reverend.
REVEREND
G’evening. What brings thee here?
HANDJOBB
My Partner and I were wond’ring…—
REVEREND
‘Partner?’ Ye twain aren’t of a gay disposition, I hope?
HANDJOBB
(quiet nervously)
Oh, nay, nay goode Rev’rend, we are Constables.
FRICTION
Yea, and we’re here to inquire about the attendance of one of your Parishioners.
REVEREND
Whom would that be?
HANDJOBB
One Constance Putnam, Rev’rend. Was he present at this day’s Service?
REVEREND
Nay, I can’t say that I remember him.
FRICTION
That resolves it then.
REVEREND
Resolves what?
HANDJOBB
Rev’rend, we believe that Constance Putnam may very well have plow’d and planted his field today, on the Sabbath.
REVEREND
Bless me, what is this world coming to…?
HANDJOBB
I know Rev’rend, ’tis a tragedy.— Yet thanks to you, we’re about to take this Bastard down. Friction, let us to’t!
FRICTION
’Tis Sunset, Handjobb.
HANDJOBB
Aye, well…we shall apprehend the Sinner on the morrow, then!

DUN-DUN

EXT. CONSTANCE PUTNAM’S DOORSTEP - MORNING
Constable Handjobb and Constable Friction are accompanied by a number of unnamed, less-important constables outside the home of MR. CONSTANCE PUTNAM. They are all armed with muskets. Handjobb and Friction press themselves against the wall on either side of Putnam’s door, and prepare to forcibly enter the residence.
HANDJOBB
Ready, goodemen? Three…two…one…enter!

Handjobb, Friction, and the other constables dramatically storm the Putnam house amid much shouting and clamor, eventually coming upon Putnam with his family at breakfast.

PUTNAM
What is the meaning of this?
FRICTION
Constance Putnam, thou art under arrest for the Plowing and Planting of thy Field—
PUTNAM
But I haven’t plow’d today yet!
FRICTION
—On the Sabbath.
PUTNAM
But ’tis a Monday!
HANDJOBB
Thou would do better, to not object or resist. We have witnesses that profess it so, and Evidence that condemns you.

HANDJOBB produces the horse droppings from the day before and presents them to Putnam.

HANDJOBB
I suppose thou can tell’st me what this is?
PUTNAM
This entire thing is absurd!
HANDJOBB
Take him away, Friction.

FRICTION produces a miniature stockade into which Putnam is placed, much to the horror and grief of his onlooking family, which is quite large.

FRICTION
You’re coming with us, goode sir. Thou hast the Right to Silence, anything thou say’st can and will be us’d against thee in a goode and lawful Court; thou hast the right to a Lawyer, tho’ why thee would want such a thing is beyond me…

FADEOUT

EXT. GROUNDS OF THE COURTHOUSE - DAY
Handjobb and Friction stand next to a man—who is seen to be a prostrate Putnam—pressed between two boards with large rocks being placed on top of the upper board. As this happens, the two constables are interrogating the compressed Putnam, with the implication being that this has gone on for quite some time.
PUTNAM
I am innocent, I tell ye! Innocent!
HANDJOBB
We have witnesses confirming they saw a Figure plowing thy Field, and yet more witnesses confirming that ye were not anywhere thy could’st have been upon that day! Confess to your Crime! Confess!
PUTNAM
I shall not!
HANDJOBB
Friction, add another boulder t’ the boards!
FRICTION
Yea.

FRICTION moves to add another boulder to the board, but he is interrupted by an offscreen interjection from what is revealed to be Putnam’s attorney, CONTINENCE PYNCHON, who has just arrived.

CONTINENCE PYNCHON
Cease this at once!
HANDJOBB
On what Authority?
PYNCHON
On that of the Court, sir.

Pynchon produces a piece of parchment from his coat pocket.

PYNCHON
This barbaric Pressing ye perform is only to be done in matters concerning Murder, Rape, Theft, Witchcraft, Adultery, Usury, Embezzlement, and Tom-peeping thro’ a lady’s Window;— my Client stands accus’d of no such Crimes.
HANDJOBB
And who might’st thee be?
PYNCHON
I am Master Putnam’s hir’d Attorney, Continence Pynchon, here to defend him ’gainst the false accusations levied upon ’im.
HANDJOBB
False accusations, sir?
PYNCHON
Yea,— now I suggest thee stop crushing my Client ’neath those boards, so that I might defend him in the Courthouse.

Pynchon walks away self-assuredly toward the building.

FRICTION
How I hate lawyers.
PUTNAM
Speak’st for thyself.
INT. COURTHOUSE - DAY
Putnam and Pynchon sit across the table from the local attorney SAMUEL WILLIAMS, who will be presenting the case against Putnam on behalf of the public.(Screenwriter’s Note: ideally, the part of Samuel Williams should be played by someone roughly analogous to, but decidedly not, Sam Waterston.)
SAMUEL WILLIAMS
Master Pynchon, if convicted, your Client shall be hanged by the neck for his crimes ’gainst Man and God;— we will lessen the punishment to but being drowned in the creek, if he but admit to the Accusations.
PUTNAM
I shall do no such thing!
PYNCHON
Hold your tongue, Master Putnam….— He shall do no such thing, sir!
WILLIAMS
Very well then;— there is no choice, then, but to press ahead with the Trial.
PYNCHON
Do not be so hasty, Master Williams: it so happens that my client has a certain amount of Knowledge regarding a local Coven of Witches.
WILLIAMS
Witches? What part could Sorc’ry possibly play in this Matter?
PYNCHON
A faire amount;— ye need only listen to Master Putnam’s Testimony.

DUN-DUN

INT. COURTHOUSE TRIAL CHAMBER - DAY
Presiding over the trial chamber of the courthouse is one JUDGE HAWTHORNE, an old, fiery, and decidedly puritanical man. Sitting before Judge Hawthorne behind a very heavy and embellished period table is Putnam, who is flanked to his left by Pynchon, his attorney. Williams, the prosecuting attorney, sits behind another period table next to the one which the other two men sit behind.
JUDGE HAWTHORNE
Master Constance Putnam, ye stand accus’d of plowing and seeding thy Field on the Sabbath Day. However, thy attorney has informed me that you claim this Act of which you stand accus’d was performed under the influence of Daemonick Sorcery from a local Coven of Witches…—

Those in attendance gasp in shock, leading Judge Hawthorne to bang his gavel in an attempt to call his court to order.

HAWTHORNE
Order in this Court! Order! … Now, Master Putnam, can’st ye produce any Evidence supporting this claim of yours?
PUTNAM
Well, goode sir, I cannot in Faith say’st so, but…— look’st! Look’st there! ’Tis an evil Apparition of a Plow!
HAWTHORNE
Where!?
PUTNAM
There! ’Tis there!
HAWTHORNE
I can’st not see it.

At this point Constance Putnam falls to the floor and begins to roll around, as if he were on fire.

PUTNAM
Aggghhh!
WILLIAMS
Your Honor, I really must object to this…
HAWTHORNE
Objection upheld: Master Putnam, if ye must be afflictèd by an evil apparition, I suggest ye do it seated.

Putnam abruptly ceases his flailing, and returns to his seat.

PUTNAM
Yes, your Honor.
HAWTHORNE
Now, whom in this Towne belongs to the Witches’ Coven you claim to exist—?
WILLIAMS
Actually your Honor, my objection was in regard to the Nature of the Goodeman’s Testimony itself, which the prosecution feels has little to do with the matter he is being tried for, and, furthermore…—
HAWTHORNE
Master Williams, what reason have you to object to the Testimony of Master Putnam, ’less the goodeman’s Testimony implicates yourself in the Hellish Accusations being levied?
WILLIAMS
Judge Hawthorne, I can assure thee I am no…—
PUTNAM
WITCH!

Putnam frantically points toward Samuel Williams.

PUTNAM
WITCH!

This sudden accusation is met with gasps and cries from those in attendance, leading Judge Hawthorne to bang his gavel yet again.

HAWTHORNE
I’ll have Order in this Court! Order! … Master Samuel Williams, thou art accus’d of practicing the Dark Arts, having Consort with daemonic ambassadors of Hell, and having carnal Knowledge of the Evil One;— Constables, take him away! He shall stand Trial on the morrow for his Crimes.
INT. COURTHOUSE TRIAL CHAMBER - DAY
Samuel Williams sits behind the table that Constance Putnam sat behind the day prior with a look of despair and dejection on his face. Judge Hawthorne bangs his gavel to bring the court to order.
HAWTHORNE
Master Williams, ye stand accus’d of practicing Witchcraft. How dost thou plead?
WILLIAMS
I am not guilty.
HAWTHORNE
A likely assertion, Master Williams.
WILLIAMS
But I am no Witch!
HAWTHORNE
Master Williams, you of all people should’st be aware of the Protocol for the Interrogation and Sentencing of suspectèd Witches: the more the suspectèd party denies, the more likely they art a Witch.
WILLIAMS
Oh. Dammit.

Judge Hawthorne authoritatively and confidently bangs his gavel. The foreboding, minor-keyed music that plays upon the sentence of every Law & Order episode begins here.

HAWTHORNE
Take him away. He is to be hang’d by the neck on the morrow.

FADEOUT — ROLL CREDITS

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER DICK WOLF


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