UnScripts:Death of a Script Monkey

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Latest revision as of 13:45, August 14, 2008

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Home office desk 1

Engineer:SCRIPT MONKEY! MY COMPUTER IS NOT TURNED ON! NOR IS COUNTER-STRIKE RUNNING! YOU KNOW I LIKE TO PLAY COUNTER-STRIKE WHILE I'M AT WORK!

int search(int arg0)
{

/*
Scene 1:
Engineer: WHERE'S MY SCRIPT MONKEY!
script monkey 1 enters stage left
Script Monkey 1: Yes sir!
Engineer: Do you have my pipe? Why don't you have my pipe?
Script Monkey 1: I'm sorry sir, I'll get it right away.
script monkey 1 exits
Engineer: Goddammit! Why would I have called you in here unless I wanted my pipe.
script monkey 1 returns with pipe
Engineer: This pipe isn't lit. Why isn't this pipe lit?
Script Monkey 1: I'm sorry sir, it slipped my mind.
Engineer 1: You imbecile. Why would I want a pipe unless I wanted to smoke it? Can I smoke a pipe that isn't lit? No, I certainly can't.
Script Monkey 1: I'm sorry sir, it won't happen again.
Engineer: No, it certainly won't. You're fired, get out of my sight.
Script Monkey 1: Yes sir! turns to leave
Engineer: Wait, Script Monkey, I'm sorry, I've been a little stressed this week. Here, go ahead and light it.
Script Monkey 1: Of course, sir. lights pipe
Engineer: Okay, now you can leave.
Scene 2:
Engineer: WHERE'S MY SCRIPT MONKEY!
script monkey 2 enters stage left, Engineer takes lit pipe from script monkey 2's shaking hands
Engineer: Ah and you even added a touch of mint, you're so much better than that bozo I fired yesterday.
Script Monkey 2: Thank you sir.
Engineer: Did I permit you to speak?
Script Monkey 2: I'm sorry sir.
Engineer: Thats right, I didn't, so please explain why you saw it fit to disrupt my concentration with your ridiculous babble.
Script Monkey 2: I'm sorry sir. I was just making conversation.
Engineer: I don't pay you to make conversation, I pay you to be my script monkey, and right now you are not fulfilling those duties. You are wasting valuable company time and money with your useless rigmarole. Now get the hell out, you're fired.
Scene 3:
Engineer: SCRIPT MONKEY!
Script Monkey 3: (standing at attention at Engineer's side) Here sir!
Engineer: Oh, you're here. Why aren't you off doing something useful, like getting me more coffee?
Script Monkey 3: I'm sorry sir. You said not to get anymore coffee because it was giving you yellow teeth.
Engineer: I told you that if I ever let my vanity interfere with my work to disobey my orders and make sure I do the best job on my work possible.
Script Monkey 3: I'm sorry sir.
Engineer: It's okay, I shouldn't have put you in that position anyway. After all, you are just a Script Monkey, unable to think for yourself. How I pity you. (pauses)
Engineer: Anyway, I have a job for you.
Script Monkey 3: What is it sir?
Engineer: You will not ask me questions Script Monkey. Your job is to write this search method, my fingers are sore from playing Counter-Strike all day. Hurry up with it too, the deadline's in two minutes.
Script Monkey 3: Of course sir.
*/
return 0;
/*
Engineer: I think our client will like this. Sure, it returns a value of zero every time, but it runs O(1) in every case! I'll be rich.
Script Monkey 3: You mean we'll be rich, right sir?
Engineer: BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whew... (pauses) You're not serious, right?
Script Monkey 3: Yes sir, I did, after all, write the program.
Engineer: Yes but, you're a Script Monkey. Script Monkeys do not get credit for the code that they write. You will receive your normal paycheck at the end of the month. Now compile this program and ship it to the business department.
Script Monkey 3: Yes sir.
*/

}

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