User:Zheliel/UnScripts:Buying Chicken Rice

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This script art a part of

The UnScripts Project

Your personal Shakspearian folio of humor, love, woe and other silly emotions.

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edit Setting

At a Singaporean hawker store. Two male ang morhs (westerners) trying out authentic Singaporean Chicken Rice from some female storekeeper. Orian loves interrupting people but kind, good, Max is patient. A bit. And Max speaks Estuary English.

Scene 1:What's that?

/two ang morhs spot a cosy store somewhere. Where? We don't know... ...

Orian: Say, Max, what's that there?

Max: What? What's that that you're talking about? I don't see no "that", Orian. What I see is-

Orian: Ah, my friend, you see that little shop thing o'er there, don't you?
/points to Chicken Rice store

Max: Ah, that! My guess is that 'tis a food store. See those tortured hens? Burned even!


Chicken rice

Ah! Chicken Rice!

Ang Morh 1: Hello there!

Ang Morh 2: Hi, we would-

Storekeeper: What lah. I vely vely busy one leh.

Ang Morh 1: One? What is this "one" that you are talking about?

Storekeeper: One mean one lah. Go cock oredi ah, you peopre.

Ang Morh 1: What cock? Where? I demand that you stop the abusive use of English.

Ang Morh 2: And it's not my fault. I didn't say anything. Well, except for earlier when you interrupted m-

Storekeeper: Aiyah![1] I very rush rush one. Need to work and take care of my family one. Stop wasting my time lah, stop torking corck. Later gahmen[2] go arrest you not my faurt one ah.

Ang Morh 2: (fuming) You interrupted me again. And what's this talk about co-

Ang Morh 1: What Gahmen? Is... is it a computer game? (whispering)Don't tell my parents, but I love new primitive Asian games, like pin the tail on the donkey.

Chicken rice store

I think they're here somewhere.

Storekeeper: (looks around in fear)Yah, I also got sell black mahrket drug one. But dourn telll anybordy. Ish a secret one. I make a lot a lot of morney. I oso sell gahmen-no-like disk one. I buy frorm Maysia and sell here one.

Ang Morh 2: (very, very angry about being interrupted) What's this rubbish about disks-

Ang Morh 1: Oh, you mean pirated disks from Malaysia? So do you have Gahmen? I heard that the disk is called Rise of Gahmens. Am I right?

Storekeeper: (scrutinizes ang morh 1) Yalah.[3] So yoo wahnt the Night of the Museum 2? I got ferpect[4] disk from Maysia.

Ang Morh 2: You mean Malaysi-

Storekeeper: (brushes him off) ya ya ya. yaya papaya.[5] So you wahnt? Ish vely vely cheep. $60.

Ang Morh 1: For Rise of Gahmens. Deal. Hold on... (takes money out of pocket.) Here. Money. Disk?

Storekeeper: Yalah. Wait a while arh. You wait a leetle leetle while can oredi. (goes to the back of store, comes out with a disk.)

Ang Morh 1: Wow. An authentic primitive gift.

Storekeeper: So my $60 where arh?

Ang Morh 1: Here it is. I'll buy it.

Things exchanged, everybody is happy. Well, except one, but everyone else is happy.

Angry Ang Morh 2: So where's my Chicken ri-

Ang Morh 1: Oh! Yes! The Chicken Rice! Sowhere is it?

Storekeeper:Chicken rice? We got roasted duck rice, ah, braised duck rice, ah, we also have ah that one. That... that curry fish rice.

Ang Morh 2: I thought this was a chi-

Storekeeper: Aiyoh![6] of corse we have cheeken rice. But also need to make a living what. Sell chicken rice cannot make living one. I got Mei Mei and Kor Kor to take care of one you know.

Ang Morh 2: Well, I'll have the Chicken ri-

Storekeeper: Can one. If you want drink we arlso have cock. Big cock, small cock, medium cock, we all also have.

Ang Morh 1: (coughs softly) I think you mean coke.

Ang Morh 2: Yeah, don't you mea-

Storekeeper: Of course one lah! If you no wan cock, we arlso have appre juice.

Ang Morh 2: (infuriated) Whatever. Cock it is. I'll take-

Storekeeper: Can! I do now!

So after a while, the food is cooked. Everyone is happy. Except the Chicken Rice. Sad.

Storekeeper: You come back again can right! I got more deesk. Good quarity.

Ang Morh 1: Sure thing! I'll come back soon!

Ang Morh 2: (mutters) Never.

What a glorious day indeed.

edit Notees

  1. Oh! You dourn know what dis mean one? Well, it means oh.
  2. Government, you blunderng idiot.
  3. Ya lah. Yes Lah.
  4. Perfect, for goodness sake.
  5. Some childish phrase. Something about rattling on and on. Or paying attention to every detail. Actually, both.
  6. It means lol.
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