UnScripts:Access Denied Error
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INT. Office - eveningGrandiose introduction of an ordinary USER at its computer, who receives an innocuous call from a certain CALLER, or some such...
CallerHello, is User there?
UserThis is User.
CallerI am calling from the Technical Support Service Center. Your computer is not functioning correctly.
UserIt is functioning just fine for me. I did not request any service for my computer.
CallerYou see, when you surf the internet, your computer gives off error messages.
UserYou mean the access denied error?
CallerWhen do you see the access denied error?
UserWhen you try to access my computer.
CallerThat is because it has a virus.
CallerNo, no listen to me. You have a virus on your computer, you must get rid of it.
UserOkay, what do you want me to do?
(plays spider solitaire)
CallerFirst, open the start menu and select Run. What program is listed there?
CallerYou must delete that file. It is a virus.
CallerOk, go to c:\
(continues playing spider solitaire)You get an "Access Denied" error.
CallerOk, ok, go to start menu, then folder accessories, then system tools. Open "Control Panel".
(gets bored of spider solitaire and starts playing minesweeper)You get an "Access Denied" error.
CallerThis virus is very serious. You must open your browser and go to http://myinfectedwebsite.com to download the cure for this virus.
(continues playing minesweeper)You get an "Access Denied" error.
CallerAll right, all right, shut down and restart your computer.
(gets tired of playing minesweeper and starts reading Uncyclopedia online)But why? It is working just fine for me.
CallerBut you get Access Denied messages when you try to do anything on your computer! How can you possibly say that it is working correctly?
UserI didn't say that *I* got Access Denied messages, I said that You get Access Denied messages. There is a difference, you know.
Caller......! (A click, then a dial tone is heard.)
UserAnd a good evening to you too, sir. (Hangs up the phone.)