UnReviews:How To Love (Music Video)
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It's that time of year again when Americans and people alike begin celebrating the cherished holiday of Christmas, an ancient Celtic tradition where people hang the disembodied heads of Turkeys over their roofs and dance merrily around the decaying corpse of a foreigner. And what better way to express the spirit of this popular celebration by reviewing a music video made by a company by the delightfully candid name of Cash Money Records, Inc.? No, this is not a shoddy attempt at connecting something to a holiday to boost popularity, this is Uncyclopedia's Official review of the Music Video of Lil Wayne's hit single, "How To Love". Now before we delve into the world of Immunodeficiency viruses and autotuned crooning, it is best if you actually watch the music video, instead of expecting me to describe the video to you through ASCII art and interpretive dance. Don't worry, I'll wait. Done? Splendid.
Lil Wayne sat at his palatial inclined couch, legs resting on an exquisite Ottoman, as he contemplated his music career: the rap artist would occasionally think in silence about this topic, usually after bouts of snorting cocaine from the anuses of taxidermied animals. "I wonder" said Lil Wayne in indiscernible African American vernacular English. "How can I reinvent my music to express my newfound taste in innovating my sound and to get some moe' bitches[sic]?" The subsequent results of his attempts to create a new sound tended to end in financially profitable disaster, but one day, he decided that he wasn't going to continue the sacred traditions of creating songs with poor autotune and asinine lyrics, but start anew. "How To Love" is the result of this, and naturally, it had poor autotune and asinine lyrics. By the time the music video for "How To Love" was released, Lil Wayne completely forgot about his contemplating, as he was much to busy receiving suitcases filled with ill-gotten currency to care.
The music video tells the story of one young woman's sad life of molestation, prostitution, STD's and general lack of hygiene that is instantly solved by Black Jesus through time travel, all synchronized to a song of the same name. This may seem rather...contrived, but it is a 100% accurate summary of the entire music video.
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This subject is 2 out of 5 stars!
That's below average.