UnResumes:My Resume

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[[User:<insert name here>]]
4.252.99.182
Reno, Nevada 89503



“You are reading the cover letter of my resume.”
~ Captain Obvious on what you are doing

“If you don't hire this guy, you're gayer than me!”
~ Oscar Wilde on your sexual orientation


Sup Dawg:

The receptionist position is the posting I'm writing to apply for. I believe I would be uniquely qualified for this position because I am good with people I post many welcome templates on the userpages of IPs, which is kind of the same thing. I give them a "reception." See what I did there?

Although there are obvious gaps in my employment and education history, I think my userpage stands for itself. I have been honored with SotM, UGotM, and I was runner-up NotM in January 2007. Fully 41% of my mainspace edits have not been reverted or VFD'ed.

Basically, as I understand it, all a receptionist does is sit behind a desk and eat chicken, and I assure you that I am very good at those things. I also have extensive experience with phones as a result of making calls with my IRC friends wherein we inquire whether their refrigerator is running.

Please give me a job, because right now my only source of income is asking people for their PLS prize. Do it, or I'll roundhouse kick you into the sun! That was just a little Chuck Norris joke, there. Everyone loves those.

Yours sincerely,
<insert name here>

edit See Also

Resume
Work
Category:Things



[[User:<insert name here>]]
4.252.99.182
Reno, Nevada 89503
ifuckingyourmom@gmail.com

Objective: Dedicated professional with exceptional customer service utilization for exciting new comprehensive strategies and solutions seeks dynamic and rewarding long-term corporate paradigm for optimizing methods of business paradigm conceptually.

Work Experience:

  • Wendy's: April 2002
Customer service associate
Job duties included register, food preparation. Left position to pursue opportunity to not have a cocksucker manager.
  • Reno Homeless Shelter: 2004-2005
Recycling coordinator
Exciting eco-conscious position involved collection of large quantities of aluminum and redemption for change. Left position after two years due to differences of opinion regarding savage stabbing.


Education:

  • Jesse Beck Elementary School: 1982-1987
Successfully completed grades 1-5. Received several Outstanding grades in Citizenship.


Computer skills:

  • Typing: Can type 90 WPM with 14% accuracy
  • Shooping: SHOOP DA WOOP
  • 1337 skillz: not so much


Uncyclopedia articles:

I have contributed to several outstanding, high-quality Uncyclopedia articles, including:
Dancingmilk

Milk wants you to give me this job.


References: For references, please contact:

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