“If you don't hire this guy, you're gayer than me!” ~ Oscar Wilde on your sexual orientation
The receptionist position is the posting I'm writing to apply for. I believe I would be uniquely qualified for this position because I am good with people I post many welcome templates on the userpages of IPs, which is kind of the same thing. I give them a "reception." See what I did there?
Although there are obvious gaps in my employment and education history, I think my userpage stands for itself. I have been honored with SotM, UGotM, and I was runner-up NotM in January 2007. Fully 41% of my mainspace edits have not been reverted or VFD'ed.
Basically, as I understand it, all a receptionist does is sit behind a desk and eat chicken, and I assure you that I am very good at those things. I also have extensive experience with phones as a result of making calls with my IRC friends wherein we inquire whether their refrigerator is running.
Please give me a job, because right now my only source of income is asking people for their PLS prize. Do it, or I'll roundhouse kick you into the sun! That was just a little Chuck Norris joke, there. Everyone loves those.
Objective: Dedicated professional with exceptional customer service utilization for exciting new comprehensive strategies and solutions seeks dynamic and rewarding long-term corporate paradigm for optimizing methods of business paradigm conceptually.
Wendy's: April 2002
Customer service associate
Job duties included register, food preparation. Left position to pursue opportunity to not have a cocksucker manager.
Reno Homeless Shelter: 2004-2005
Exciting eco-conscious position involved collection of large quantities of aluminum and redemption for change. Left position after two years due to differences of opinion regarding savage stabbing.
Jesse Beck Elementary School: 1982-1987
Successfully completed grades 1-5. Received several Outstanding grades in Citizenship.
Typing: Can type 90 WPM with 14% accuracy
Shooping: SHOOP DA WOOP
1337 skillz: not so much
I have contributed to several outstanding, high-quality Uncyclopedia articles, including: