Unpoetia logo
the near-complete compilation
of literary abomination
...proudly, since 1586Main Page
Bust of Idiocrates
Poetry is an art form in which language is used for its obfuscatory qualities in addition to, or instead of, meaningful and useful content. Poetry has a long history, and early attempts to define poetry, such as Aristotle's Poetics, focused on the various uses of speech in rhetoric, drama, song and charming the togas off of potential bed buddies. Contemporary poets, such as Dylan Thomas, often identify poetry not as a literary genre within a set of genres, but as noble way of remaining unemployed and virtually useless to society. Poetry often uses condensed forms and conventions to reinforce or expand the meaning of the underlying words or to invoke irrational or sensual experiences in the reader, as well as using devices such as assonance, alliteration and the rhythm method to achieve musical or incendiary effects.

Recent Poems:

UnPoetia:First They CameUnPoetia:The Worst Poem EverUnPoetia:Hampton Fruffleshire And His Fluffy PantsNot An Oak TreeThe Twelve Days of BlitzkriegPutingradI Am American and I'm Really Pissed OffThe Glorious War of IndependenceI Love the Smell of GasolineA Visit from SatanbearLove Letter from a Strange Boyfriend: A SonnetUnder the TableThe Judgement DayTen Little Porn $tarsFuck you GodI am the CalculatorHow crude!Ode To McDonald'sSong of the sea piratesWhen You Drive a ToyotaHobbits Are Not GayOde to Codeine's MumBirds of the HairPiPoems that don't rhymeA Barbecue to RememberInsulting Love PoemMy Face Is So FatSubliminal PoetryVanityParadise AbridgedWell-Oiled BirdsSelf-reference referenceUnicornsIn Rangoon at the stroke of noonLove Poem For The Cyber-AgeOde to GTA IVVogon Love PoemLittle BoyLittle yellow spiderCoupletSonnet About Not Having a MuseHaiku 457bThe First Draft of "Song of Myself"Nobody reads UnPoetia!The Apathy that is your FaceAbraham Lincoln's fair-weather waffle frolicA Mind-Bogglingly Accurate Definition of the Modern AgeThe Horrific Indifference of the Passage of TimeA Commie in My ClosetIsaiahYour First ComingOde To Mrs Amanda McKitterick RosShall I Compare Thee With Thy Mother, 'Ey?Divorce SongWhat is the matter with Mary Jane?Do Not Shag Gentle During That Good NightTao Te ChingDrunken Angst Directed at Girlfriend and those who care enough to cheer you upWuz da Nite Befo CrimmusAn Anthology of Baby and Midget PoetryI Hate Rappers Who Cannot Rhyme

Archive - See more...
Quill Selected poem


Shall I compare thee to a Winter's day?

Thou art more unpleasant and more frigid:

Rough skin doth shape thy sagging breasts of grey,

And Winter's touch doth not leave me rigid:

Sometimes the bright glare of hot flashes shine,

And often am I burned within thy midst;

The seasons they change as thy looks decline,

And doubly whenever thy mood is pissed:

But my steady devotion shall not fade

Nor lose possession of thine hand once fair;

For I've grown accustomed to being flayed,

And living indoors, within thy dark lair:

So long as divorce ruins men like me,

I am thy slave; my life belongs to thee.Main Page

Quill Selected image



An unretouched photo of Billy Shakespeare.

Quill Quotes


"Personhood is the rich effluvium, it is the waste and the manure and the soil, and from it grows the tree of the arts."

~ Ezra PoundMain Page
Quill Things you can do


Well, writing a poem or two would surely help... Make a new poem

Too lazy? Search for someone else's work:

Quill Selected article


Vogon poetic justice

Poetic justice is when justice is carried out with poetry. In court, for example, the defendant, plaintiff, justice, lawyers and jury all have to perform the whole trial in poetry or in rhyming prose. Blank verse is not permitted.

This can be done at the defendant's request (and amusement). Or, if the justice hearing the trial wishes it, whether or not the defendant wants it.

The best poetic justices and lawyers are Vogons as their poetry, even in judicial language, is the 33rd best poetry in the galaxy. Appeals are rare, as appellate court judges can rarely bear to read the transcripts. You see, the poetry judges are all Vogons, and a Vogon's idea of what is good poetry is unlike that of any other member of any other race in the multiverse.

Frankly, almost none of this is true. But I'm not telling what.

Quill Selected biography



Edgar Allan Poe was an American writer (1809-1849) best known for his cheery visions of a utopian future, and colourful tattoos. His best known poem, The Raving, is about an excitable crowd of Britney Spears fans tapping on his chamber door, rapping on his chamber door, and occasionally crapping on his chamber floor. This crowd of lunatics repeatedly chant the word "Nevermore", on the Night's Plutonian shore. The half-sane narrator grieves over the loss of his Lenore™-brand cleaning detergent:

From my books surcease of sorrow, sorrow for the lost Lenore.
For its rare and radiant colour, thats why angels use Lenore,
Spotless clothes forevermore.

Although he is often believed to have been the source of the phrase "po-faced", derived from "Poe-faced", in fact this term comes from the Po River in Italy, which is shaped like a man's face.

Quill Did you know?


  • Only 76.2% of all poets, living or dead, are gay.
16.7% are bisexual, 5.4% are in denial about it, and 1.7% are asexual. The remainder are, in fact, straight.
  • Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's poem She Came & Went is about a dead baby.
His daughter, but a dead baby none-the-less.
  • At the age of 12, Charles Dickens used to work in a boot-blacking factory.
Charles Dickens is the one who looks like Tim Burton.
  • A "huckleberry finn" is a type of berry bush native only to Missouri.
  • Geoffrey Chaucer was born on Retrocession Day (Taiwan).
  • Don't Say Goodbye by Edmund Spenser is the longest haiku ever written, at a whopping total of four lines.

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.
UnNews Logo Potato (No text) UnNews
The news source on crack
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary Logo Text Undictionary
The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes2 UnTunes
Where noisy things can live and prosper
Game-Logo notext Games
Another way to waste time
Gorillatrans HowTo
Instructions and guides for anything and everything
Unbooks-logo notext UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable-logo-en vector notext Unquotable
Useless misquotes galore
Uncycloversity-logo-notext Uncycloversity
If it makes sense, we don't want it
UnPoetialogo UnPoetia
Poetry for people who hate poetry
Undebate logo UnDebate
Debating all the irrelevant issues
UnScripts UnScripts
We can ruin stage and film too
Why Why?
Don't make me explain it to you twice
UnReviewsLogo UnReviews
We'll tell you why things suck
Uncyclomedia Commons notext UnCommons
Broken media repository