UnNews talk:Main Page Archive02

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UnNews discussion archive August 18 2007 to 23 February 2009


Is this the right place to ask about the podcast? Is it really quiet for anyone else? Oh, and I'm going to have a shot at it. But I won't steal the glory of the last person by adding a link to the header. Unless it's very good. SRXT. 18/08 10.34pm

The podcast actually distributes the latest recordings made by the various contributors. Which link are you referring to? ~Jewriken.GIF 21:34, 18 August 2007 (UTC)

New stories don't show up automatically on front page?

I've been away for a little while and wrote a new UnNews article yesterday, but noticed it didn't automatically show up on the corresponding date on the front UnNews page. Is there something that has to be explicitly edited nowadays for them to show up? The article in question is: Soccer victory proves Iraq strategy is working', says Bush. (It should be under July 29th). --Composure1 17:14, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

Hmm - nevermind I guess. I see it there now. --Composure1 19:12, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

UnNews - Old news fix being worked on

I'm working on the UnNews frontpage archive section, so don't freak if you see something weird...that's normal. Hehe, anyway, I'm correcting the bad archive date that happens every so often, and trying to make UnNews look and work smother. User:Hawthorn Peebles/sig 18:13, 31 May 2007 (UTC)

DAMN YOU AND YOUR USEFULNESS! /me noms Hawthorn Peebles for UGOTM.--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 18:20, 31 May 2007 (UTC)

Where's the "news"???

Wow! The same "news" has appeared on Unnews for, like, three (or is it four?) days running!

- I cannot believe that the U.N. would condone these type of new reports. You people make me want to throw up my bowels and dance in my own gastric juices whilst convulsing ecstatically to the reflection of myself as a big smiling bloody mess on the floor.

"Front page" seems frozen

No new "front page" stories have been featured for like three days now. It's weird, like receiving the Washington post with the same front-page headlines and stories three days running. Are all the admins/editors on a sabbatical???

Hmm, you're right. I'll get on it. —Braydie 16:55, 11 March 2007 (UTC)

Please don't allow arbitrarily changes to "front page" stories

Much of the fun from writing Unnews stories is seeing them appear on the "front page" of Unnews, but much of this satisfaction is ruined by "helpful" edits that are far less than funny and completely unnecessary. While it is a good idea (maybe) to allow anyone to edit, arbitrary edits are never desirable, in my view, and, in fact, may result in a decrease in quality rather than in an increase. If people want to be funny, rather than changing other people's work, they ought to write their own articles. Did the "edits" to "Pelosi bill would have Bush cracking the books" help the article? Not in my view. Substituting "Ron Jeremy" for "Nancy Pelosi" as the Speaker of the House added nothing to the article, the humor of which, in part, derives from referring to REAL people in absurd ways. The same is true of the sibstitution of "English" for "American." The whole point is that the president is supposed to improve his speaking skills to the level of a third grade student in his OWN country, not another nation's. Please consider locking articles that appear on the "front page" from further editing to prevent such vandalsim under the guise of "editing." Weebils 16:33, 5 February 2007 (UTC)Weebils

I think the recent problems (to many of my own articles as well) have been a result of Mr. Webgeek111 vandalizing everything he can get his hands on. Can someone please ban him already? --Composure1 19:52, 5 February 2007 (UTC)
Yes, he is the same person who vandalized my article. Weebils 19:55, 5 February 2007 (UTC)Weebils
To report vandalism you can use Uncyclopedia:Ban Patrol. For unfunny edits that aren't necessarily vandalism, just revert (but don't be too territorial, it's unseemly). We don't even lock regular featured articles, much less UnNews stories that have headlines on the front page. We also want users to help cut out the cancer bad content rather than blocking everyone from editing an article. —rc (t) 20:59, 5 February 2007 (UTC)
Some wit changed "Florida" in the dateline of my story, "Burger King introduces Bun Burgers" to "Forida." Again, I don't see the humor in such edits. Maybe it's time to prevent such asinine vandalism. It's akin to the idiocy of tagging. 04:00, 8 February 2007 (UTC)Weeebils
Having random vandals once in a while is just something that you have to live with on a Wiki. Just revert the edits and report the person on Ban Patrol as RC suggested.

--Composure1 04:50, 8 February 2007 (UTC)

How does on rv vandalism after the article appears on the "front page"? I have reverted it under the link, but the screwup remains in the posted article. 07:32, 8 February 2007 (UTC)Weebils

Updated format ---> Re-Updated ReFormat

I've put together a new format, without jacking around to much with style, and added a new section

--> see UnNews:Main_Page_opt2

If there aren't any complaints, I'll change it over in a week or so...

--HPSigHP talk KUN Icons-flag-pi 17:40, 13 October 2006 (UTC)

I like it.-- Sir Severian Severian1 CUN (Sprich mit mir!) Kraut 17:55, 13 October 2006 (UTC)

I don't know if UnFunnies should be so prominently feature on the top right. --Composure1 18:51, 13 October 2006 (UTC)

I would strongly recommend getting in touch with Olipro before you implement any changes, as he was the lucky soul who, through trial and error, ended up with the old one. He can tell you if something didn't work before and why, for example.--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 20:24, 13 October 2006 (UTC)
Right, I've worked with Olipro adding new sections/reviving and modifying old ones to work right...but this one isn't much of a change---->see the next one. --HPSigHP talk KUN Icons-flag-pi 17:33, 30 December 2006 (UTC)

Even More Newer Format

Ok, this one rocks totally, but it changes the entire page look. It brings the Newspaper style to the look of UnNews. I've placed the sample page(S) conveniently at: UnNews:Main_Page_opt3 | UnNews_talk:Main_Page_opt3

Check out the talk page for more info. Also, there is a current Forum discussion about adding a sports section. An advantage, to this style is that more sections or vertical columns could be stacked below in a neat and clean manner. --HPSigHP talk KUN Icons-flag-pi 17:45, 30 December 2006 (UTC)


  • Damn. That looks great. It doesn't look much like Wikinews, though. I'm wondering though... if ours looks BETTER than Wikinews, we should go with the prettier one, yes?--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 17:55, 30 December 2006 (UTC)

Recently Wikinews changed their layout somewhat; I'm planning to implement that new layout this weekend since those little javascript thingies are quite sexy... I like our layout since it's clean and nicely spaced whereas your newspaper one is kinda bunched up... not that I want to shit all over the effort you went to; anyway, I'll make a new UnNews page based on Wikinews's rather nice revision and see what comes of it. --Olipro Icons-flag-gb Anchor KUN (Harass) 02:59, 17 January 2007 (UTC)

Yes, I think our/Wikinews' layout is much easier to read than the newspapery one. Perhaps we could include a link to Hawthorn's layout as an alternative format on the front page, though. Also, the collapsible sections of Wikinews are dead sexy... —rc (t) 05:24, 17 January 2007 (UTC)
I'm trying out several page format variations. Here's one other example: User:Hawthorn_Peebles/Frontline. Any of these could be a page 2+ or whatever... User:Hawthorn Peebles/sig 18:07, 31 May 2007 (UTC)

where's tomorrow UNnews discussion?

They otta edit sth like ""Godzilla destroys Tokio"" (again). --Walter Humala Crystal Clear app korganizer|wanna Talk? 04:22, 17 November 2006 (UTC)

How about "Bill Gates Becomes President"? It could sort of parallel the rise of Hitler... http://www.billgatesforpresident.net/ --kdingo 03:30, 1 December 2006 (UTC)

HTBFANJS for unnews

Is there anywhere a list of journalistic conventions we can moke? If not, it would be a good idea to start one. I'm staring one in Spanish and I was wondering if there's alredy some material here that I could borrow.---Asteroid B612B612 (aka Rataube) - Ñ 16:31, 13 December 2006 (UTC)

Try this perhaps: HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article --Composure1 02:55, 15 December 2006 (UTC)

New news

  • A report on the monthly tradition of racist comments by celebrities would be appreciated.

Icon link (perhaps this has been raised before)

The unnews icon (in place of the regular Uncyc. one) is great, but unfortunately misleading... any way to get it to link to the main unnews page? --Lenoxus 04:04, 19 January 2007 (UTC)

Yeah does someone know the answer to this one? :o Alzheimlich 19:01, 10 June 2007 (UTC)


Who huffed the "Admins caught huffing roaches" UnNews article ? 02:40, 29 January 2007 (UTC)

Don't you know that Admins have no business huffing anything with cockroaches in it ? It makes them sick, and alien roaches makes them horny as hell. 04:25, 29 January 2007 (UTC)

Ask Cthulhu

Hey hey. I'm a takin' over the UnNews:Ask Cthulhu page and email. If you have any questions for our tentacley master, email askcthulhu@gmail.com
May his blessing not fall upon you; for his definition of blessing is devouring you slowly. He's... uhh... different from us.

--Videshi 08:10, 19 January 2007 (UTC)

Spectacular moonwalk video missing

Somebody needs to make fun of this: http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/news/nation/16610979.htm?source=rss&channel=twincities_nation LOL :D Feureau 15:07, 4 February 2007 (UTC)

RE to LOL :"Spectacular moonwalk video missing An embarrassed NASA, now planning a return trip, is on the hunt"BY MARC KAUFMAN Washington Post).

Who filmed from the moon_surface Neil Armstrong coming out of the Eagle when Buzz Aldrin[ Lunar Module ] was still in the Eagle and nobody else around to do this?

This screen_shot goes to the rear like the 9/11 controlled breakup of the multistoried building and sky_scraper of the typical Jew Silverstein: WTC7 /

Number of unnews stories

In case anyone was wondering, it's over 2200.---Asteroid B612B612 (aka Rataube) - Ñ 11:16, 16 February 2007 (UTC)

So somewhere between 2200 and ∞? --Hotadmin4u69 [TALK] 07:43, 18 February 2007 (UTC)
Currently, yes. Though that could change...--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 13:15, 18 February 2007 (UTC)
Between 2200 and 2400. 12 hits on "next 200" at category:UnNews.---Asteroid B612B612 (aka Rataube) - Ñ 21:07, 18 February 2007 (UTC)


I'm also editing the Lead Article and Second and Third Lead templates. Thank Me. --Sir General Minister G5 FIYC UPotM [Y] #21 F@H KUN 06:40, 30 April 2007 (UTC)

Turkish Unnews

We want to inform that we arranged Actual events page as Turkish Unnews, here its link tr:Güncel olaylar. We update events weekly for now but have an intention to arrange it daily and we need some help for setting a serviceable system. We need a new area topic and logo, maybe some advice for new sections furthermore. In addition to that we want to change Turkish uncylopedia's logo which is already preapared too. So could you please help us to establish a long-time policy for further grow?

Best Regards Lord Assyrius Luciferianus

Something is fucked

I get a load of tags and stuff where the day's news should be - I don't know enough to even begin to try to fix it. Its not my computer, I've looked at it from three so far. --Zinc Avenger 09:57, 18 June 2007 (UTC)

Yes. We're aware of the problem. It's on Wikia's end and we've been assured it's being fixed. Until then, your best bet is to add it to the front page, which is easy. All you have to do is {missing operand error|value not found.} {error:Cannot divide by zero}--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 12:55, 18 June 2007 (UTC)
Sorry about that. Manually add your article to Template:RecentUnNews and you can circumvent the wacky errors.--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 12:59, 18 June 2007 (UTC)
I removed one of the dead templates for it, so there's only the one that Wikia need to fix. Bribe them with chocolate eclairs. That ALWAYS works. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)
MORE ECLAIRS! Keep 'em coming! I can see light! --Zinc Avenger 21:28, 18 June 2007 (UTC)

Weather forecast

"The weather is out there, and you should know what the weather is. The forecast for tomorrrow is the same. The forecast shows us that if you experience discomfort due weather, it's the weather's fault, and no in account any blame can be directed to Uncyclopedia's forecasting team." Guutog 23:47, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

Virginia declares war on testicles!

Srsly --The Acceptable Thinking cap small Cainad Sacred Chao (Fnord) 01:31, 23 January 2008 (UTC)


Added a weather feature into the UnNews, hope it's helpful Warm Regards, Javascap

Have you scrolled down to the lower part of the page, you'd seen the already existing weather section there. SirMoarDildosNow on sale! VFH | GUN | Jew speak now | General? | poop 13:03, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
Small wonder I didn't notice it... seeing as to how its at the bottom of the page. Ah well. Warm Regards, Javascap
Tell you what, let's try to think on a nice banner to direct people to it. SirMoarDildosNow on sale! VFH | GUN | Jew speak now | General? | poop 15:48, 8 April 2008 (UTC)

Congrats on shit audio

I have never understood a word from that lisping bastard's mouth. No more the old man. And get the damn audio in a consistent place, not barely heard, then a blasting theme. Honestly, if there is no one better to voice these, you might as well stop now.

Tell you what, when you start making audios, then you get to criticize other people's work. ~Jewriken.GIF 21:06, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
To reword More Dildo's comments: Please sign your posts. Also, remember that we are hard up for readers at the moment, so we're happy with what we've got. We'd even appreciate YOUR performance, if you're interested.--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 23:18, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

Mark Ho (Hole)

is a late king


How many UnNews articles are there? Are they included in the Uncyclopedia total? Do they ever get deleted? I check the UnNews:Archive but it seems to be 2 years out of date. Sir Roger 19:35, 22 June 2008 (UTC)

There's about 7000 UnNews articles, going by the count in Special:Allpages. And they're not included in the main article count. And it'd probably be quite easy to update the archive yourself... Spang talk 00:47, 03 Sep 2008

WTF? There's more to life than trashing Bush

I mean honestly.......who throws a tomato at the elephant man?

Seriously, if people can't write an Un-News story about Bush that doesn't involve kangaroo court rants normally found on small-town newspaper message boards and Usenet......they should give it up or find another target that doesn't incite so much of their internal bias. Management should flush these stories and send a message that it's been done to death. I mean jeezusss hopping christ, at least make it look like a real news story instead of vomiting out your steady diet of Bush souffle for the past 8 years. I'm not saying don't make funny Bush stories for the Un-News, I'm saying that most of our recent Bush stories are only entertaining to people who mindlessly hate Bush.

You don't have to make an overt joke or personal evaluation of "W" in every goddamn sentence, btw. There's telling a joke and then there's explaining a joke to the point of not being funny anymore. Believe it or not, the best humor is subtle and lets the audience add 2+2 together instead of you yelling "the answer is four".

Doc StrangeThe preceding unsigned comment was added by DrStrange (talk • contribs)

I believe you'll find it's five. Besides most of the UnNews writers are just covert Republican Conservapedians sent to spy on our heinous liberalism. Hence guns and Bush is all they think about.--Sycamore (Talk) 12:14, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

I like to think about liberalism being more intelligent. They often get the jokes that go over other people's heads while conservative humor tends to have very little depth and requires less thought. There's throwing a pie.....then there's making someone think a pie is in mid-flight and headed for their face while no pie actually exists.The preceding unsigned comment was added by DrStrange (talk • contribs)

Yeah, well, I've been monitoring UnNews for a while, and while I agree with you, I can't just delete every story about Bush that comes across. They're not good, but just ignore them. --Mr. Monkey Sockmonkey Pant-hoot here. 13:00, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

UNNews works with different rules from the site as a whole. On the site, if someone writes a bad story, it gets put on VFD and eventually deleted. On UnNews, if someone writes a bad story, we ignore it and it eventually goes off the front page and is forgotten. WHAT A COUNTRY!--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 13:23, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

Oh, is that what we're doing? I just delete them on the spot. Silly me. ~Jewriken.GIF 13:28, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

I think a little time away from writing news and salvaging articles might make me less anal and grumpy. I think salvaging bonerism while keeping most aspects of the original has momentarily destroyed my creative will to live...........OK, it's over. I'm going to do some baking and take a nap.

To say that there's no more comedy to be had out of trashing George Bush is like saying there's no more pleasure to be had by screwing Alyssa Milano. I mean, if you think that's true then you're just not doing it right! Man, vary your technique, buy a few sex toys, but come on, don't give up! Wnt 05:43, 10 January 2009 (UTC)

Not appearing on list

What's the matter with UnNews:Defense contractors challenged --- where are the penis-targeting machine sniper rifles? that keeps it from appearing on the list of articles by date? Wnt 05:39, 10 January 2009 (UTC)

this -RAHB 05:50, 10 January 2009 (UTC)


I don't know if anyone's noticed/cared, but I've revived UnNews' This Week's Horoscopes and somebody needs to manually update the horoscopes section on the UnNews main page. --The Dit 09:36, 25 January 2009 (UTC) Okay, I'm dum.

You guys are going to love this


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