UnNews talk:Dullsville featured on Wikipedia's Main Page

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edit From Pee Review

General review please.

Humour: 6 The jokes need to be tightened up.
Concept: 6 It's an OK idea for an UnNews article.
Prose and formatting: 6 The sentences are technically correct but the flow and clarity could use some work.
Images: 7 Appropriate image.
Miscellaneous: 6 This is an OK article. Not outstanding, in my opinion.
Final Score: 31
Reviewer: ----OEJ 15:01, 15 April 2007 (UTC)


Endnotes: On prose flow: There are four sentences in a row that use the structure "Something-something as they something-something". Change the structure of some of the sentences, as they become monotonous. While we're on the subject, putting the punchline to a joke in a separate gives it special emphasis: "This has lead to beliefs that Raul456's account has been hacked by people in Perth. They have nothing better to do."

On clarity: It's not immediately obvious why the article mentions someone named Raul456. I guessed he is the author of the Dullsville article on Wikipedia, but the reader should not have to guess about important aspects of an article. Similarly, I don't get the references to Quebec City and New York. It makes no geographical sense: if a stench cloud drifted from Oz toward the USA it might pass over Hawaii and hit the mainland at San Diego or Los Angeles or San Francisco. It wouldn't jump into eastern Canada and then turn southwest toward New York.

Anyway, have fun with the article. It's a good idea. ----OEJ 15:01, 15 April 2007 (UTC)

While shamelessly googling my own username, I found this page. I must say, I'm amused. - The Real Raul654 03:55, 15 June 2007 (UTC)

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