UnNews talk:Abe Vigoda continues unbroken living streak

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Of course, now he'll die and I'll feel bad. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 09:13, 18 July 2009 (UTC)

Nice. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 00:58, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
Did I ever tell you about the time that I met Abe Vigoda? Well, it wasn't really him, it was a pile of rocks, but the experience was much the same. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 04:57, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
Modus, you wouldn't happen to be on YTMND would you? I saw something similar to this a few years back on there. They make me laugh. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 19:19, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
Yeenage Tutant MNinja Durtles? No. I'm not big on this whole "internet" thing. Frankly, I'm not even sure that I'm here. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 21:20, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
I've heard rumors that you are just dreaming this all up. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 00:37, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
If so, I apologize for the poor quality of my imagination. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 01:02, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Are you saying I am of poor quality, sir? Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 02:07, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Never having met you, yes. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 03:03, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
As a figment of your imagination, I must ask: Does your answer offend me? Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 03:33, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
I have no idea. I'm not a very good solipsist. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 03:49, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
I am angered by this inability to understand my own feelings.....or am I? I'm not sure if I'm allowed to feel. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 15:38, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Next time around, I'm going to imagine the world as a musical. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 16:29, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Instead of a coming-of-age teenage angst film? Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 17:09, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Too specific. I'm a "big picture" kind of guy. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 17:15, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Sorry. A coming of age Canadian angst film? Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 17:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Strange Brew? Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 17:23, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Are you telling me that you Canadians have moviefilms now?! What's next? Viable armed forces instead of the Mounties? Pish Posh. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 17:34, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
I can't overstate this enough; (with the exception of the third act, which meanders a bit and loses its own sense of reality) Strange Brew is quite simply the greatest movie ever made. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 17:49, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
I know you're serious if you're using underlines. My money is on "Baby's Day Out." Let me tell you, that baby got into some serious hyjinx that day. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 17:54, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
I haven't seen it. Strange Brew is jammed in my VCR real good. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 18:09, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
By the way, Rick Moranis might be the dorkiest looking comedian I've ever seen. Off the top of my head, I can't think of anyone who's even close. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 18:12, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
He's the clumsy everyman inside each of us. Yes, I am deep. I'm practically Plato or something. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 18:18, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
I've been told I'm practically Play-do. Moldable, edible, fun for kids, trivial for adults, kinda salty. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 18:45, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Good to know. Know that you were the kid who ate Play-Do, that is. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 18:54, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
If there were kids out there who didn't eat Play-Do, I don't want do know them, thank you very much. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 18:57, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
"Paucity"! The word I was looking for was paucity, not "poor quality". Stupid brain. Be more quickly! Make words more! Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 20:33, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Good going. Now this talkpage is four times as long as the pagepage. We'll be banned from the internets! Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 19:26, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
I'd like to see 'em try. Ban me that is. I'd show 'em. Give 'em the 'ole one-two, I would. Tell 'em I make mah talk pages whatever size I see fit. That's what I'd do. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 19:53, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
More importantly, that's what Abe Vigoda would do. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 20:02, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Abe Vigoda does things? This coming from the man who compared him to a pile of rocks some 28 posts ago. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 20:15, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Did I mention that the pile of rocks had moxie? Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 20:30, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
That reminds me of the time I once saw a tree stump with Maxi, the trampy but well-meaning prostitute/mother of 3. To this day no one knows which came first:The prostitution, or the motherhood. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 20:46, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
A tree stump with Maxi was also a play by noted French playwright, auteur filmmaker and bicycle salesman, Jean Paul-Jean. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 21:08, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
And a great bicycle salesman he was. I've heard in the annals of salesman history, he ranks behind only German weiner-dog salesman, Fredreich von Trapp. Though, it's common knowledge that von Trapp was on performance enhancers for the last 15 years of his career, until his death in 1843. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 21:17, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Obviously. I major'd in Foreign Bicycle Salesmen/Weiner-dog Forensicology in medical school. Tell me something I don't know. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 21:21, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Disgraced actress Lindsay Lohan was once thought of as both "cute" and "talented" Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 21:46, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
Wow. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 22:42, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
I know, I know, but it's true. Her remake of "The Parent Trap" was considered both unquestionably cute, and oddly watchable. This is more than anything that can be said about her since. Because of this, I will vouch for her previous cuteness myself. Though, I, too, will vouch for her current skanky/nasty/attention seeking/drunken/anorexic/sell-out/terrible/drug addicted/fakeness now. Not a good last 12 years for her. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 15:35, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
I once saw a small part of Mean Girls. Boy, those girls sure were mean. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 16:17, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
I once had a small part in Mean Girls. I was the fifth mean girl, who was mean mainly because she was a man. I was named Peppers. Had a bit of an attitude about me. Apparently I didn't resonate with the crowd though. That's how that Lohan chick ended up with that nerdy math dweeb instead of me. But it wasn't all a loss. You can still see me for 8 frames in act 4 scene 12. It's the part with the pillow fight. I was the one with the boner. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 16:24, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
You're thinking of Man Girls. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 16:31, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
Oh, close. Sorority Boys. The guy in Man Girls "looks like a Wookie" Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 17:12, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
I do not! *Pout!* Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 17:21, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
*Pats Modus on back* It's ok Modus. I know a lot of girls who go for the whole Wookie thing. I mean, look at Ron Jeremy...... well, I mean, don't actually look at him, but I'm saying that he gets loads of women, and he kind of looks Wookie-ish. I can't think of any good reason for this other than women love men who look like Wookies. I believe in you. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 17:41, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
Abe Vigoda will never die. I will simply not accept that. Ever. --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 06:20, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

On topic

Yes, I broke the standard UnNews format. More precisely, it was Abe. Abe Vigoda thinks outside the box while he colours outside the lines, man. I tried to stop him, but he used his Abe-Strength© on me! Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 08:36, 22 July 2009 (UTC)

Why be generic? This is probably funnier than a long un-newsy style article we could all come up with for Abe. If this is funny, than breaking the format does not matter. Funny wins. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 13:46, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
That's what Abe said. Then he used his VigodaVision© to see what I had in my fridge. Then he ate a whole jar of olives. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 15:04, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
How big was the jar? Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 15:37, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
Does it matter? He ate the jar. You don't mess with a guy like that. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 20:48, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
Well now, that depends. Did he swallow the thing whole? Can he unhinge his jaw like a snake, and do this? Did he chew and swallow it, one slow bite at a time? Does Abe Vigoda even have any teeth left to chew anything? Was it a glass jar?
These are some very serious questions that I need asked before I know if I can mess with him or not. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 14:59, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
All at once. Then he chewed. Crunch, crunch. I was terrified, scared for my very life, so I very slowly walked away. He was unable to catch me. That's his only weakness. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 19:05, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
So, thus far, things we know about Abe Vigoda:
  • Has Moxie
  • Approximately equal to a pile of rocks
  • TKF won't let him die
  • Can eat jars
  • Can't actually catch you.
With this information, I can argue one point: Abe Vigoda is not a man. Abe Vigoda IS man. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 19:15, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
You forgot:
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