UnNews:Zordon announces candidacy for President
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Zordon announces candidacy for President
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, August 28, 2015, 15:44:UTC)(
7 November 2007
ANGEL GROVE, California -- Former television actor and legendary Power Rangers mentor, Zordon, has taped a special appearance on a December 24 episode of Power Rangers: Operation Overdrive, in which he will formally announce his candidacy for President of the United States.
|Our country is in dire straits, and I'm not talking about Mark Knopfler, either.|
He went on to say that none of the other candidates are dedicated enough to the presidential race, save for Stephen Colbert, who at press time had been left off the ballot and had himself decided to drop out.
|The other candidates are big, fat clowns whom nobody ever liked in the first place. At least when I lie, I make it sound convincing.|
Zordon is running as an Independent, because he doesn't want to be pressured into joining any political party.
|It would be too easy for me to switch sides every week or so. I would also change my position on the whole immigration bull crap.|
In the episode, entitled "I Did Not Inhale," which airs December 24 on Toon Disney's Jetix block, Zordon reveals that he did not, in fact, die at the end of the Power Rangers in Space episode, "Countdown to Destruction Part II," leaving behind an energy wave that destroyed all of the villains, except for Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa, who were purified as good human beings. Rather, he retired from the Power Rangers series to devote his life to become an Amish rock star, a career that was tragically short-lived when the band's drummer, Jakob, died in a bizarre cow-milking accident "What a messy accident, indeed," the head said today. Zordon himself has neither confirmed nor denied whether this post-Rangers career was true or if the writers came up with it, except to say,
|The Power Ranger writers went on strike yesterday! They don't really need writers anyway, all they need is some Japanese stock footage.|