UnNews:Zombies revolt, demand new ending
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Zombies revolt, demand new ending
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, March 23, 2017, 12:28:UTC)(
26 January 2007
HOLLYWOOD, California -- The Zombie Actors Alliance of America has taken responsibility for sabotaging a recent film shoot with Nicole Kidman. The Oscar-winning actress was taken to hospital after being involved in a car crash while filming a zombie scene in her latest film.
Kidman's publicist, Catherine Olim, said the star was trying to shake zombies off the bonnet of her Jaguar when the car spun off the road.
Evidently, instead of just magically flying off the car and dying, as indicated in the script, the zombies hung on and, witnesses say, tried to attack Kidman.
Speaking in a strangely disembodied voice, that sent a chill up the spine of each journalist there, ZAAA head Bill Murray said that they now wanted movies in which the zombies actually win. “Even in Lost in Translation, where as a zombie actor I got the role of a zombie actor, I didn’t even get the girl in the end”. It is well-known, he said, that zombies never triumph. They just scare you a little. "We are human, well sort of, too. We deserve better endings."
Speaking on condition of anonymity, an Oscar-winning director known for movies involving dinosaurs and extra-terrestrial creatures wanting to go home, said that he was tired of the way zombies held Hollywood to ransom.
“Already, we are required to produce a certain number of movies per year starring zombies,” he revealed. “The most recent agreement is ridiculous. Because our audiences have tired of seeing zombies over and over, we now tweak the plots of almost every film to have a zombie or two--or ten. In Silent Hill they had to put the Zombie-Girl-With-No-Mouth on all the promotion material, even though she just mooched around the whole time.”
This year alone seven zombie movies have already been announced, including 28 Weeks Later, Day of the Dead, Diary of the Dead, Grind House, Outpost, Plane Dead and Resident Evil: Extinction.