UnNews:Zombies Attack US President
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Zombies Attack US President
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Tuesday, October 25, 2016, 15:52:UTC)(
11 June 2007
Tirana, Albania -- George Bush, after leaving the Vatican City and meeting with Pope Benedict, departed for Albania yesterday. But, as he exited the plane, he was met by fierce resistance... Zombie resistance.
"Well, at first I though, 'maybe these folk have had just one too many brawls,' but then I realized, it was a much more greater threat to me. These weren't peoples... these folk were zombies." Luckily, the president and a few of his guards escaped just before a zombie blew up the plane. Bush took cover in an abandoned farm nearby, but not after snapping a few undead necks.
One of his guards managed to find a shotgun in the barn, George and two of his guards managed to keep the zombies at bay for 3 days before they were able to be extracted. Walter Smith, one of the surviving guards, told of his horrible ordeal and how they weren't able to save his friend, Rodney Jepson.
"Well, you see, Rod got bit by one of those S.O.B's, and by then we had no choice to retreat upstairs and just wait it out. Me and George didn't know he'd been bit at the time, and just then he told us that he'd hold them off for us. We really had no choice, either he went down fighting or took us down later. George quickly carved him from a block of cheese a crude Purple Heart medal, placed it upon his supple shoulders, and we were gone. I'd rather not say anymore about that though..."
Clearly a terrifying experience, and the President is currently in a hospital in France. Doctors say he's in stable condition, and that the ordeal has left him more scarred emotionally than physically.