UnNews:Zimbabwe Indicts Giraffe
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Zimbabwe Indicts Giraffe
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, July 29, 2015, 12:32:UTC)(
14 October 2009
HARARE, Zimbabwe-- The Mugabe administration indicted a giraffe on charges of treason and conspiring to commit terrorism today. The giraffe was indicted with several other animals including a dog named Steve in the Harare metro area. The giraffe, who's name is yet to be disclosed, is accused of 12 counts of treason against the Mugabe government and a planned terrorist attack on the King Robert Q Mugabe of His Holiness Zoo.
The giraffe's attorney says that discrimination towards giraffes is only the neck of the problem. Speaking from his cell across from his clients, the unnamed barrister told UnNews that, "in all cases, these charges are preposterous. My client is accused of crimes impossible for a giraffe to commit. He cannot read, write, or speak, and so I ask the government, how can you accuse this wild beast?"
The Mugabe administration responded by saying, "You overestimate the value of your opinions, sir. Traitorous giraffe!"