UnNews:Zimbabwe's Mugabe reunites Led Zeppelin, Robert Plant is not invited
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Zimbabwe's Mugabe reunites Led Zeppelin, Robert Plant is not invited
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, October 28, 2016, 12:35:UTC)(
11 July 2008
HARARE, Zimbabwe - After winning another election as dictator for life, Robert Mugabe turned his sights to important issues facing his nation. Specifically, Reuniting Led Zeppelin. Zimbabwe's Mugabe held a meeting with John Paul Jones, Jimmy Page, and the corpse of John Bonham, Robert Plant was not invited to this meeting however. After exchanging pleasantries it is reported that Mugabe laid down plans to reunite Led Zeppelin under a new leader. He said that he would be willing to give the three members their original places in the band, and that he would take over for Robert Plant who "Will be dead in the week anyway" as put by Mugabe.
Mugabe gave the band an impressive performance and was said to "...Have a voice like an angel..." as put by Page, "...Twenty Million times better than that old hag, Plant..." as put by Jones, and "..." as put by Bonham's corpse. At this point, Mugabe allowed his kill-squad to take a half-hour break, where Mugabe sang his remastered version of "Stairway to Heaven" which now includes twenty-four additional minutes of a vocal solo, where just Mugabe sings with no instrumentals.
However not everyone is for this new Led Zeppelin, the United Nations has released a statement that no European country will acknowledge this reuniting of Led Zeppelin, unless Mugabe allows Plant back into the band. They don't care what he will play, they just want him back in the band. However they are also willing to acknowledge the band if Mugabe allows Morgan Tsvangirai to become the dictator for life of Zimbabwe, however they are gunning for the first option far more than the latter.
Sources say that Robert Plant however is not willing to join the band again, unless they bring John Bonham back to life by some means. He has not specified what way that they should revive him, however he has released ideas for it. "It must be flashy," he says, "and it must be loud, and I must be there to see it happen. Then, and only then, I will rejoin the band."
- Catherine Philp "Robert Mugabe Re-establishes Led Zeppelin and becomes lead singer". Times Online, July 10, 2008