UnNews:Zawahri claims "entire world is a battlefield"; Switzerland surrenders

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Zawahri claims "entire world is a battlefield"; Switzerland surrenders

Straight talk, from straight faces

UnNews Logo Potato
Tuesday, March 20, 2018, 20:00:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

30 July 2006

Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.

Switzerland's new flag.

JIMAH, Pakistan -- Al-Qaida's second in command, Ayman al-Zawahri, frightened the Swiss government to the point of forcing the entire nation of Switzerland to surrender despite the fact that his threats did not directly mention Switzerland.

"All the world is a battlefield open in front of us," said Zawahri in a recent video, "All your base are belong to us! Islam must rule from Spain to Iraq."

However, Switzerland is not the first to have surrendered to terrorism. Finland, Sweden, and France surrendered in early 2002. On a side note, France has surrendered to just about every country with the suffix "stan" (i.e. Pakistan, Turkmenistan, etc.) and even some non-countries, such as NAMBLA.

United States Senator Ted Kennedy lauded Switzerland for their surrender, calling Switzerland's actions "bandwagon, but the safest way to handle terrorism", while news anchor Bill O'Reilly of The O'Reilly Factor called Switzerland's actions un-American.

"Switzerland's military, famous for their primitive arsenal of rocks, would be extinguished within seconds in battle," says Lt. Brad Armstrong of the U.S. Army. The Swiss government has also updated their national flag from that of white cross with a red background, to simply just a white cloth, the flag of surrender.

edit Sources

Personal tools