UnNews:Your girlfriend: "You will have to sit through bad movie"

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29 July 2008

Richard gere

The sad thing is, you almost want Hugh Grant to be in it, because that means that Richard fucking Gere won't be. You know what, Rick? Fuck Tibet! Yeah, that's right! I actively support a totalitarian government oppressing an entire country, just because it pisses you off! Fucking wanker.

Your house, today. Sources close to your girlfriend have strongly indicated that you may well have to sit through a terrible movie in the near future. Though early details are sketchy, reports seem to suggest that the movie will be a romantic comedy; that it will involve no car chases or explosions and that there will be no nudity of any sort.

It is unknown whether it the film will star Sandra Bullock, Hugh Grant or Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant.

Attempts to weasel out of going to see this cinematic disaster seem unlikely to succeed, as there will be nothing good on TV on the night in question and there will be no other social engagements that could claim priority. What's more, there's little point in arguing since your forces had to retreat from the Moral High Ground, after heavy loses were inflicted at the Battle of Those Shelves You Promised to Put Up.

"I'm just going to have to deal with it," said you. "I dodged a bullet when I contracted life-threatening salmonella on the night she wanted to see Sex and the City, and had to be immediately hospitalized. I should have known I wasn't going to get that lucky twice.

"Oh, God, I hope it's not a fucking musical," you added.

In related news, your friends have announced a plan to go to see the upcoming film about an underdog team of competitive strippers, who buck the odds to win the big stripping contest by day, while fighting vampires in a post-apocalyptic war zone by night.

Guess which night they've picked?

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