UnNews:You've got a little something on your face

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 19:11, August 9, 2007 by Modusoperandi (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 We distort, you deride
10 July 2007
Face-UK-BRITAIN-WOODHAMS

If this was your face it would have food on it.

WHERE EVER IT IS THAT YOU ARE RIGHT NOW -- Friends, family and coworkers have all noticed that you have a little something on your face. While most are too polite to say anything to you directly, they are crass enough to talk to each other about it once you leave the room. A select few are willing to be interviewed, thus allowing the entire world to read about your embarrassing lunch-based gaffe.

"I feel kind of bad for you, what with everybody laughing at you behind your back and all. We...I mean 'they'...have rechristened you 'foodface'." said your friend, who wishes to remain anonymous. "It's been there for a while. I can't stop staring at it. I think it's a small chunk of beef, but most everyone else seems to think that it's a piece of a vegetable of some kind. We've got a betting pool going. I took most of the meat-type squares, like hamburger, steak, sausage and the like."

The spot of food, insiders theorize, became attached to your face when you ate a meal, or perhaps a snack between meals. A few even believe that the mote got stuck right there when you paused during a meal for a mid-meal snack.

"Going by how often you check yourself out in a mirror, we were sure that you would have noticed it by now." said another source, known only as Larry W. "The last time we were in the same room together I kept making that 'You've got something stuck to your face' motion, but...nothing. You just stared back at me with a dopey and confused look on your face."

Corn001

It looks like this, but all chewed up, and it's right there. No, it's on the other side. Higher...a bit to the left...

Off the record, Larry W admitted that he thinks that you aren't all that smart, or as he put it "...he's a few somethings short of a something else...". Larry W also apologized for his lack of skill at spontaneously coming up with a suitable something and his poor choice of a something else. In short, Mister W is completely incompetent at creating analogies. Needless to say, he carries the burden of a room-temperature IQ.

"Hey! Let's not gloss over this 'you've-got-food-on-your-face' thing." Larry W interrupted.

Most people hope that someone will eventually tell you that there is food on your face, as it is proving to be detrimental to conversation. Virtually all of the people with whom you have chatted have spent the entire conversation trying to identify exactly what kind of food it is.

"It's corn. Sweet corn, actually." admitted another anonymous source. Going by the code name 'Mom', she says that it's sweet corn, or Zea mays var. rugosa, because that is what she served for dinner last night. "The whole family thought it was 'nummy'."

edit Update

Anonymous sources say that there is also what appears to be a blob of ketchup on your chin and part of an onion ring in your hair. These sightings are, as of this printing, unconfirmed.

edit Sources

UnNews Logo Potato
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.
Personal tools
projects