UnNews:Yogi Bear, 80, dies at Jellystone

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Yogi Bear, 80, dies at Jellystone

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23 September 2015

Yogi Bear

Mr. Bear is shown in flagrante delicto, that is, flagrantly with the delicacies.

JELLYSTONE NATIONAL PARK, Wyoming -- Beloved television cartoon star Yogi Bear has reportedly died at the age of 80.

The news was first carried on Associated Press, confirmed by the Las Vegas Sun, and carried by many other fine newspapers that are dabbling with overnight newsrooms operated out of Pakistan. Right-wing weblog TownHall.com persisted with the report, which is likely to induce the left wing into another round of insisting that it alone uses "FACTS!"

Grade-schoolers across the country were in tears over the loss of the mischievous, wisecracking ursine, whose signature graft was stealing pic-a-nic baskets. Mr. Bear was never prosecuted or even apprehended for his serial pilferage. Television sidekick ranger Mister Ranger stated, "The bastard was always one step ahead of me."

Other rangers at Jellystone Park, where Mr. Bear lived in retirement, wore black armbands in mourning after reading of his demise in the Las Vegas Sun. Mr. Bear is survived by Boo Boo Bear (no relation), who has gone on to co-star in television's acclaimed Honey Boo Boo program.

UnNews telephoned veteran baseball hero Yogi Berra, who was named after the beloved bear, to get his reaction. However, he did not return the calls all day.

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