UnNews:Yankees get asses handed to them

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21 July 2007

Yankees

The Yankees, trying to figure out why they suck so much

YANKEELAND, BRONX The Yankees played the crappiest game of baseball in recent memory tonight, losing with a score of 4 to 14 against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Lowlights of the game included Derek Jeter accidentally hitting himself with his own bat, Alex Rodriguez trying to figure out how he is making the money he is making for this bullshit, and the entire stadium booing just about every opportunity there was to do so, which were many. The crowd tried to start a "wave" several times once it was obvious the game would be a huge blowout due to the Yankees' crappiness, but were unable to do so successfully due to most of the people not caring. Another lowlight of the game was that the hotdogs cost nearly five bucks but the bright side is that perhaps with the money Steinbrenner will be able to buy a better team.

Joe Torre, after the game, commented that the game was a "shit-sucking crap fest" on the part of the Yankees and that while ticket prices could not be refunded, people who complained about the game would be entered into a drawing to be the next "cotton-eye joe" dancer at the next home game.

The absolute low of the game was the stadium's electronics director sending the messages "make some noise" and "let's go yankees," fitfully trying to get the crowd excited about a team that is ten runs behind. With most of the crowd leaving by the time the lead became immense, these pleas fell on deaf ears.

Yanks suck. Ha ha blowout.

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