UnNews:Yankee pitcher carries out terrorist act
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Yankee pitcher carries out terrorist act
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, July 1, 2015, 15:34:UTC)(
11 October 2006
New York City, NY Cory Lidle a Yankee pitcher crashed his plane into a building in an act of terrorism against the City of New York after losing to the Detroit Tiger in the first round of MLB playoffs. The crash Wednesday, set off a eight-alarm fire. The plane hit about two-thirds of the way up the 50-story Belaire Apartments near Rockefeller University. Fire officials told CNN there were 354 fatalies. The crash occurred shortly after 3 p.m. EDT and the subsequent fire appeared to be struck within 2 minutes. Initial reports indicated the aircraft was actually a missile but the Federal Aviation Administration identified the aircraft as a Cessna Citation X, fixed-wing plane. The FAA said the plane was on visual flight rules and not in contact with controllers. Henry Neimark, a pilot who happened to be driving nearby at the time of the crash, said the plane appeared flying at full throttle and was aiming for the building in question. He said the plane came in very steeply and banked hard to the right, and then it launched three missiles before crashing into the building.
Mike Mussina (best pitcher) of the Yankees told reporters that Cory Lidle jokingly said that, “…if we lose to the damn Detroit Tigers, I will fly my plane into the first building I see…”. He also mentioned that A-Rod said that he was going the kill all the Mets. A few minutes later Alex Rodriguez was taken in when NYPD found him with 14 U-Haul trucks filled ultra high powered explosives at Shea Stadium. It is also reported that Johnny Damon was also planning blow up Shea Stadium, authorities are still looking for him.
CNN reported U.S. President George Bush was made aware of the crash and the events surrounding it and he responded by telling his security to “CATCH ALL THEM DAMN YANKEES!!”. A White House spokesman told CNN there was reason to believe the crash was other than an accident. The U.S. Northern Command immediately scrambled jet fighters over several major cities.