UnNews:Xi Jinping's Dream

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Xi Jinping's Dream

Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard

UnNews Logo Potato
Friday, August 18, 2017, 19:48:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

11 July 2016

Xi Jinping

Xi Jinping in a dreamy mood.

BEIJING, China -- It has finally come. Xi Jinping has had his MLK moment. Announcing that he has a dream, Mr. Xi has elaborated the vision, if not the substance, of his dream. Having lain awake at night worrying about security, he has decided that it is his duty to provide security not only to China, but the entire Asian region and perhaps beyond.

"We have given China security beyond what it has known for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. Now it is our duty to bring the gift of Chinese security to those nations that have not had the benefit of its influence. Look at Tibet. Tibet was once a backwater, clinging to the sides of mountains, but now it is secure and peaceful. Look at Xinjiang. There was too much conflict there. We have made Xinjiang a much more pleasant place and will continue to do so."

"Look at Taiwan, that renegade province that is eternally part of China but refuses to accept our benevolent gift of order and peace. Look at Japan, that enemy of peace that is only waiting to start another war. These countries desperately need re-education in the principles of passivity pacifism. We have tried to make the South China Sea more peaceful and what thanks do we get? Harsh words from countries that think they have some claim to these waters that eternally belong to China."

"So many countries now and in the past have rejected China's help to improve their societies. We will not be deterred by their ungratefulness. We only wish all people to enjoy the security that the people of China enjoy. And speaking of people of China, we are always ready to protect the rights of those Chinese people who have, for one reason or another, left China to live in other countries. We will not allow our people abroad to be oppressed or led astray by the base and violent cultures of their countries. We cannot wait for them to cry for help, we will take action to bring peace and true Chinese culture to them."

"The counter-revolutionary influences that now try to deny these places the benefits of my dream of peace and happiness will soon learn that nothing will stand in the way of China to bring the multitudinous benefits that our people now enjoy to all those who want them. And perhaps many who are now misguided enough to reject them."

Mr. Xi has not revealed exactly how he plans to realize his dream, but it is said that he greatly enjoys drawing on maps with a big red felt pen. Who knows what great things may come from his dream?

edit Sources

Personal tools
projects