Wrigley's develops new gum
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, September 1, 2015, 04:40:UTC)(
6 June 2008
New York, New York -- So, you're laying on the couch in front of the T.V., flipping through the channels. Nothing seems to be on. You think to yourself, "Life would be so much better if I could get laid." Well, Wrigley's may have an answer that doesn't start in m and end with asturbation: Cumgum.
The Wrigley Company has reportedly been developing Cumgum as a new member of the 5 gum family. This new type of gum is rumored to cause extreme orgasms and cumming when chewed. This reaction is spurred on by the combination of the ingredients aged horse cum and swiss cheese, along with the normal ingredients of gum. The reaction is triggered whenever the gum is chewed on, and is somewhat related to the contact with someone's oral cavity, a primary component of oral sex. When asked whether it is safe to consume horse cum, a Wrigley's representative declined to elaborate, but did comment that, "The cum has been lab tested, and we're quite confident with the results." More on this to cum.