UnNews:Worldwide crime rate quadruples during Earth Hour
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Worldwide crime rate quadruples during Earth Hour
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, July 29, 2015, 14:38:UTC)(
29 March 2008
SYDNEY, Australia (at first) -- It was meant to be an hour of hope as millions around the world switched off their lights and put out their weed, the night of March 29 at 8 o'clock, in a symbolic effort to reduce electricity consumption and fight global warming. That hope was shattered at 9 O'clock when everybody realized that more electricity will be used than was saved to sentence the sudden epidemic of criminals to death by electrocution (in the relevant jurisdictions).
As each city passed over the 8 O'clock time zone - The Time Zone of Death, some called it - a wave of crime swept over that place like the bubonic plague. The incidence of burglary, rape, killings and huffing of stolen kittens quadrupled in some areas, and alarmingly more than doubled in others.
"I'm sure you'll agree with me when we say the problem isn't lack of lighting but rather lack of complete lack of lighting. While there are still some lights turned on, the criminals will be able to see; but if we had no lights at all, there's no way they can do their jobs. That's our theme for next year: the absolute annihilation of illumination. Although no one will be able to see, we'll have an army of Earth Hour officers patrolling each participating city with night-vision goggles, just in case. Where did we get all the money for the goggles? Um, we can't disclose that information..."
- AAP "'World gets screwed when earth hour executions uses more money than saved'". NEWS.com.au, March 29, 2008