UnNews:World to end October 21st
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World to end October 21st
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, November 26, 2015, 00:55:UTC)(
20 October 2011
Around 6 P.M., the Devil will be doing his usual thing, which would be shoplifting at Wal-Mart. The fight will happen about an hour later. After Jesus wins, God will wrap everything up, and begin to destroy the planet earth and soon the universe. Before destroying everything, he will pick a million beings from each planet of the universe and send them first-class to heaven where they will get a nice dinner of chicken cutlets with mashed potatoes and gravy on the side. After all the
Christian people chosen are gone, the ones left will die a gruesome and painful death, which will also be known as "The Final Troll", as stated in the book of Revelations. After the hour that everyone dies, which would be 9 P.M., the world is destructed and the universe after it. The people that were not chosen will spend at least a month in purgatory and travel third class to heaven. They will be given the anus of the Devil to eat, with Kraft Dinner on the side.
Then, there will be a comical sequence where a bunch of skeletons ride on skeleton horses and a bunch of angels blow into trumpets. After the sequence, God closes the universe and steps on everything. Pretty soon, Hell is demolished as well, and heaven is the only thing that will be left.
Many people have discussed the possibility that God might try to create a new universe, or something different, after the demolishment. God, who is cleaning house at the moment for the new visitors, was unable for comment.
One other prediction is that the billion years that the universe has been around, was only a beta version of a full program God was making. It is unsure how much better the creations of the full version will end up being. Some say amazing inventions, such as the computer and light, were only early versions of what will end up being in the so called full version. It is unknown whether this is true, or if the current beings will adapt into it or stay in heaven.
The final battle between Jesus and the Devil will occur at 7:00 P.M. ET, and 11:00 P.M. UTC; and will be broadcast on NBC and FOX in the United States, CTV and CityTV in Canada, BBC and ITV 2 in England, and all local stations worldwide.
- Aaron Sankin "Harold Camping Revises Apocalypse Prediction For Friday". Huffington Post, October 19 2011