UnNews:World to be destroyed in August by powerful World Smasher
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World to be destroyed in August by powerful World Smasher
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, May 25, 2015, 06:26 (UTC)
30 June 2008
MEYRIN, Switzerland - After years of trying to keep it quiet, the secret finally was leaked out that the French and the Swiss have been working in cahoots for almost a decade trying to perfect their doomsday-machine, The world destroyer. Not among the most creative names, but it is spooky non the less. When the project began, towards the end of 1999, it was labeled an 'atom-smasher' which could help the field of science in many ways. Unfortunately for the group busy at work building it, plans were found in a trashcan outside of Paris, France. The man, or woman who found the plans will remain anonymous, to protect their identity, and their worthless life.
The person who found the plans quickly turned them into their ambassador to the United Nations, who immediately caught a flight out of France to the UN headquarters where they thoroughly investigated the plans. After a thorough investigation, they decided that they were, indeed plans. After this breakthrough, several squads of UN soldiers were dispatched to the border of France and Switzerland to investigate. After several grueling hours of investigation, their efforts proved worthless. It is unknown how the French and Swiss have hidden their doomsday-machine.
The UN have yet to release a statement to the general public about the machine, however they have released copies of the plans that were found to the leaders of all nations involved in the United Nations, and have put the French and Swiss terrorists as a top priority.
The plans explained the work that had been done over the last 9 years, and how the machine will be unleashed in August 2008, and how it will hopefully destroy the earth from the inside out. This has lead to numerous underground excavations throughout the areas where France and Switzerland share boundaries. After tireless efforts, the UN ambassador from Switzerland released a message today, that the world is doomed. The UN has supposedly called off all their searches, and have begun to spend their time preparing for the end of the world. Churches and Synagogues have been filled up across Europe as world leaders have flocked there to repent their sins, and the demand for holy water has completely swamped Vatican City. The Pope is expected to visit many major cities across Europe over the month of July, and then return to Vatican City to die.