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6 January 2011
PARADISE CITY, China -- A class-action law suit has been filed on behalf of the entire world population against Guns ’N Roses "front man" W. Axl Rose for being a conceited ginger twat. The unprecedented action is a counter-suit to Axl's $20 million lawsuit against Activision Blizzard over its use of the group’s song Welcome to the Jungle in Guitar Hero III.
Universally seen as the biggest douche bag in the history of rock 'n' roll, Axl had already taken massive steps in alienating the remainder of his loyal fanbase by not actually bothering to turn up at gigs, and on the rare occasions he did attend, would storm offstage in an expletive-laced vitriolic rant, should any member of the audience dare request a song not featured on the band's latest release, which was famously twenty-seven years in production.
The suit demands that he should immediately cease and desist all attempts to maintain his over-inflated sense of self-worth, giving credit to the talented performers, such as Slash and Buckethead, whose work has allowed Axl to parade himself to the world as a serious musician. Furthermore, it demands that he attend all concerts for which he or his management have sold tickets for, and to sing "like he actually means it," matching the fitness of purpose for which the ticket was sold.