UnNews:World Rejoices with Retirement of Ali G, Borat

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21 December 2007

Bumfuck, Idaho -- Bells rang and old men wept in the streets for joy today as Sacha Baron Cohen announced that he's retiring at least two of the most grindingly unfunny comedic characters ever created, the clueless Kazakh journalist Borat, as well as his alter ego, aspiring rapper Ali G.

"When I was creating the genius that is Ali G and Borat I was in character sometimes 14 hours a day and I came to love them as the world did, so admitting I am never going to play them again is quite a sad thing," the 36-year-old fucking pompous asshole said today.

"It is like saying goodbye to a loved one. It is hard, and the problem with success, although it's fantastic, is that every new person who sees the Borat movie is one less person I `get' with Borat again, so it's a kind of self-defeating form, really."

Baron Cohen brought Borat Sagdiyev — an anti-Semitic buffoon in search of Pamela Anderson — to the masses last year with his horrible so-called "comedy," "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan." He first introduced the character on "Da Ali G Show," which was carried in the U.S. on HBO because of some kind of deal with Satan.

"It's much easier for me to be in character and it's a lot more fun," he says. "If I'd done the entire promotional campaign for (the `Borat' movie) as myself it wouldn't have developed in the same way. That is why I am so incredible, I guess."

Baron Cohen — not Borat — can be seen as a singing barber in Tim Burton's "Sweeney Todd," co-starring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter. Thankfully, no other miserable attempts at comedy are in that movie, although the movie itself reportedly also sucks seven types of ass.

His spokesman, Matt Labov, did not immediately return phone and e-mail messages by The Associated Press seeking comment on the "deaths" of Borat and Ali G. See you in Hell, Borat and Ali. G!

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