UnNews:World Hide and Seek Championships to Begin
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World Hide and Seek Championships to Begin
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, September 4, 2015, 07:20:UTC)(
8 May 2014
LOS ANGELES, California -- 2014 World Hide and Seek Championships Countdown Begins. Are you ready for “June Doom”?! The World Hide and Seek Championships are only one month away and Los Angeles, California is ready! Children, College Students, and Elite Military Units from around the world will be competing in the biggest event in the championship’s ten year history. The competition is expected to be fierce in the near-perfect weather, funnel clouds and waterspouts not withstanding.
Victor Rounseville, Chairman of the organising committee told the Daily Breeze: “It’s going to be an amazing championship. It’s going to be cloudy with just a hint of wind, chives, and butter-and who doesn’t like butter? You?! Really? Sorry to hear that-off with your head!!”. The action begins with the 'Toddler-Hiding-in-the-House-on-a-Rainy-Day' event. Contestants will have a 10 second countdown. The last one found will move on to the next heat. The first one found will probably cry and create a scene when forced to stand out on the porch in the rain.
Said Victor; “We’re still looking for little 6 year old Christian Reyes. In 2013 he hid and well, no one still knows where he went. His Mommy remains worried, and while we HAVE heard muffles sobbing coming from the pantry, quite honestly, Christian always tells fibs-so he can just remain there until he mans up-or until he runs out of Pop Tarts and Capri Sun, that ungrateful little pipsqueak!”.
Desert View Elementary School competed an unprecedented hat-trick last year when their 48 year old Starting Guard Michael Schuster won both the mens and women’s titles for the second year running. No one ever thought to look in the clothes hamper! It’s no wonder he won in 2012 at the Three Rivers Invitational! And he can’t even swim! No shit!
Hiders and Seekers from the U.S. Navy clubs are set to take part, however no one is expected to beat Anne Frank’s record.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|