UnNews:World Celebrates some sort of event
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World Celebrates some sort of event
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, January 17, 2017, 12:56:UTC)(
1 January 2008
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EVERYWHERE, Planet Earth -- For some rather odd reason, on December 31st, 2007, nearly the entire world stopped at midnight, local time, to celebrate some sort of annual gathering. This gathering has long been thought to be the Adam and Eve family reunion.
Nobody knows for sure if that theory is correct, but one thing is for sure: It is obviously impossible for the celebrations to be for the Uncyclopedian Year of the Mug, as that doesn't come until next Wednesday evening at 6:17pm.
Millions of people lined the streets of the capital city of the World, London, most of them carrying huge 2008 signs. One theory is that this sign refers to hyper-inflation, and is celebrating the fact that the British Pound is now worth 2008.1 German Snuchfallufenismen.
One of the most bizarre things about this that was notable was the irational behaviour of ducks worldwide. The international center of managing ducks received record amounts of calls from people concerned. It was revealed in a press conference that the ducks were merely pissed on all the alcohol people had chucked up. Causing them to have sexual relations with swans. The Quoon of England disowned all swans worldwide after it was rumoured they had raped the ducks, causing them to act in this manner.
Cambridge's Lucasion Professor of Mathematics, Professor Kronos "Dodgy" DeMeter indicated that in his view, the periodicity of celebration is related to celestial events. Dr DeMeter stated that he will be publishing his mathematical theorem which is predictive of when the recurring event occurs in an upcoming issue of Nature, but is reluctant to say much more at this time as the manuscript is under peer-review.
More on this extraordinary story as it develops (or really when I wake up in the morning because I am pissed)!