UnNews:World's Smallest Snake Found
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World's Smallest Snake Found
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, June 23, 2017, 05:15:UTC)(
5 August 2008
WET-N-WILD, SAN DIMAS, CALIFORNIA – After months and months of painstaking research and intense work on JPL guidance systems, Eric Von Beethoven, with the help of his waist high son, has discovered the worlds smallest snake. Officials at the Los Angeles branch of the Guinness Book of World's Records were on hand this weekend to verify the record, and Smithsonian Institute representatives poked and prodded the little critter in an attempt to get a response. "Overcome with emotions I've never ever felt." is how Eric described his current state.
He continued; "I always knew that I was destined for the records books in some way, shape, or form. But this far surpasses even my expectations." 4 y.o. Eric Jr. had little to say as he sat placidly on a red bench and nibbled on an ice cream sandwich. Taking a moment during his meal however, he did point a tiny little finger as a broad smile crept across his face and said, "Daddy-small snake!".
"That's what he said before. Then I looked down and there I saw it! It was just laying there in the sun, relishing in the heat and basking in all it's worldly glory. No one else could see it either, although I kept pointing down and saying 'Look! Look! Can't you see it?!'."
20 y.o. Cal. State Fullerton Communications Major Shelly Chang recalls the moment. "Well, we all saw it, but we kind of didn't-if you know what I mean. It IS quite small you know. I personally was shocked."
|“||I didn't know they could be that size. I think I need a drink.||”|
Officials say that each tiny snake can only lay 1 egg at a time, for if they were to lay 2 eggs, each snake from those eggs would be too small to function properly. Or the mother snake would rupture while laying the eggs.
"That’s my boy!" Beamed Eric, picking up his son. "That's my boy!"