UnNews:Wonder Woman "not so wonderful anymore"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Wonder Woman "not so wonderful anymore"
Straight talk, from straight faces
Monday, February 20, 2017, 13:35:UTC)(
12 February 2007
HOLLYWOOD, CA - Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, quit as the writer and director of the upcoming Warner Bros. feature film Wonder Woman, citing what he characterized as “creative difficulties.”
Whedon wanted to make Princess Diana a Lesbian, rather than an Amazon. As a resident of the Greek island Lesbos, Diana would, like Sappho, be attracted to other women, he said. “They wanted a movie that would have massive appeal. Buffy really took off after I made Willow gay, so I figured the formula would work for Wonder Woman, too.”
Willow Rosenberg is a witch who discovers her sexual identity as a lesbian late in the Buffy series, offending her friends, disgusting parents, and losing an estimated two million of the show’s previously loyal viewers. However, the characterization of Willow as homosexual garnered the series and Whedon a following in the gay; lesbian; bisexual; and transgender (GLBT) community, turning the silly show into a minor cult classic along the lines of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
DC Comics, the creator and owner of Wonder Woman, and Warner Bros. did not appreciate Whedon’s attempt to “homosexualize” the character. “We told him not to do that when we hired him,” producer Joel Silver declared. “He kept trying to turn Wonder Woman into Fluffy the Vampire Slayer, which, by the way, bombed at the box office.”
Whedon called Silver’s comments “ludicrous.” According to Whedon, he and “studio suits” also disagreed on the actress who would play Buffy. Allegedly, Whedon wanted Kristy Swanson, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Charisma Carpenter, Alyson Hannigan, Julie Benz, Eliza Dushku, or Juliet Landau to play the character. Each of these actresses except Swanson played characters in the TV version of Buffy. Swanson starred as the vampire slayer in the original movie, which, as Silver pointed out, “bombed at the box office.”
“He’s a one-trick pony,” Silver said, of Whedon. “Fluffy the Vampire Slayer was his one and only sort-of success. Consequently, he wants to repeat it no matter what movie he’s supposed to be writing. Wonder Woman is not Fluffy in a bikini, nor is Princess Diana a witch from Lesbos.”
Whedon said he has put Wonder Woman behind him and moved on to other projects. He has three other movie scripts in mind. In a sequel to the first two Fantastic Four movies, in which Sarah Michelle Gellar (who played Buffy) would replace Jessica Alba as Sue Storm, the team’s Invisible Woman, Gellar’s character would discover her latent lesbian feelings. In a remake of X-Men, in which Charisma Carpenter (who played Cordelia Chase in Buffy) would replace Famke Jenssen as Jean Grey, Carpenter’s character would experiment with bisexuality, finding that she prefers other women to men. In a sequel to Daredevil, the costumed crime fighter’s nemesis Electra, in which Eliza Dushku (who played Faith in Buffy) would replace Jennifer Garner, Dushku’s character would have a lesbian tryst with Daredevil’s niece.
“To Whedon, everything’s about lesbianism, and the same marginal actresses have to appear in anything he’s associated with”, Silver said.
“That’s not true,” Whedon said, when informed of Silver’s charges. “Just next month, I’m directing a film in which Alyson Hannigan, who played Willow Rosenberg in Buffy, gives up lesbianism in favor of marrying Anne Heche’s former husband. It was inspired by the real-life breakup of Heche and her one-time lover Ellen Degeneres. What’s ‘lesbian’ about that plot?”
Warner Bros. is searching for someone who is not obsessed with lesbians to take on the role vacated by Whedon. “Wonder Woman is straight,” Silver said, “and she’s going to stay straight. Besides, there’s nothing creative about homosexuals--hell, they can’t even make a baby, let alone a blockbuster.”
Whedon’s response: “Wonder Woman doesn’t seem all that wonderful anymore.”