UnNews:Woman gives birth to human fetus
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Woman gives birth to human fetus
Straight talk, from straight faces
Thursday, January 19, 2017, 11:20:UTC)(
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
28 September 2006
ROCHESTER, New York - An unnamed local woman gave birth today to a small, male human fetus during an emergency trip to Children's Discount Hospital, police say. The fetus survived the incredible ordeal, and was being treated by physicians for weakness, incoherence and the devastating physical effects of being suspended upside-down in a greasy fluid for several months.
The fetus had apparently become lodged in the local woman's uterus and was unable to escape. The woman claims she noted that her lower abdomen had become enlarged, but refused to admit any blame for keeping the fetus against his will.
"It's a wonder he's still alive, after what he's been through," noted Dr. Charles McMartin, head of pediatrics at the hospital. "I doubt that you or I could live through such an experience."
Upon questioning by the police, the woman admitted that in January, 2006, a man, possibly her husband, had inserted his erect penis into her vagina and ejaculated into her what she suspected was sperm. In such instances, it's not uncommon for the sperm to combine with an egg cell already present, which then leads to development of a human-like growth actually inside the woman.
"This kind of thing happens more frequently than you would suspect," commented Janice Plum, a nurse at the hospital. "It seems like nearly every day a woman comes in here complaining of strange muscle contractions, only to expel a human being from her vagina."
Population statistics confirm that the number of people in the world is actually increasing to record levels, largely due to human fetuses being pushed out of women's vaginas to fend for themselves. In most cases, these fetuses must undergo years of intense physical therapy in order to even accomplish simple tasks such as walking, talking and feeding themselves.
Said McMartin, "It's a messy business, and I hate to see people get involved with it. But it's very hard to make people aware of the long-term consequences. They're like addicts, and just refuse to listen."