UnNews:Woman banned from Nova Scotia bar for being too fat
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Woman banned from Nova Scotia bar for being too fat
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, February 14, 2016, 10:20:UTC)(
25 August 2007
HALIFAX, Nova Scotia (CP) - Alotta Rolls started her evening in the Nova Scotia capital in a typical fashion last Saturday. It ended suddenly one drink later when she was refused re-entry into the Dome, a greasy and shady nightclub in Halifax after she stepped out to smoke a joint. When she turned to go back inside the bouncer, who himself was a greasy fat bastard and probably a virgin, told the woman that management didn't want her back in there. When she asked why, the bouncer refused to answer, saying he was too much of a pussy to tell her the real reason. The woman couldn't understand why she wasn't allowed in, she had paid the six dollar cover charge (which she thought was a ripoff anyways) and didn't wear any slutty clothes that allowed her massive rolls to hang out. The real reason finally became clear as she turned to leave. For some reason the bouncer finally worked up enough balls to tell her the real reason. He said "Lose some weight you greasy fat crack whore". This enraged the woman and she turned to him and said "Look here you fat piece of shit, you're even fatter than me, so you don't have a leg to stand on, I bet you haven't even had a girlfriend before have you?". After the woman said that the bouncer began sobbing uncontrollably and ran back inside the bar.
Rolls admits that she is a porker but says that she has been slowly losing weight since January of 2006. She started out at 500 pounds but was proud that she got her weight below 400 and to reward herself went out partying at the Dome. After being made fun of and riduculed for many years because of her weight, Rolls became a basket case and began to cut herself for attention. After realizing that it got her no where because nobody gave a fuck, she decided to stop impressing society and stop giving a fuck what people thought of her. She decided to lose weight for herself so she could actually sleep with guys who weren't greasy bastards or desperate losers.
She says that she will continue to lose weight and hopes to get down to around 150 pounds. At which point she says she plans on getting liposuction to remove excess flab and possibily plastic surgery to make her face look better. At which point she says she will become a cocktease and teach men a lesson by refusing them what she herself wanted for years; a good lay.
Rolls says she plans on filing human rights complaints against the Dome but was told by many Canadian Human Rights organizations to go pound sand. The Nova Scotia Human Rights Commission has released a statement saying that nobody cares about fatties. The Commission released this statement on Friday regarding the issue; "While we may not like women, atheists, Jews, blacks, natives, Muslims, gays, transexuals, or Texans; we have to respect them by law because they are human beings and are worthy of our respect and tolerance even if we don't agree with their lifestyle. As for fat people, no one cares about them, being fat is not a right, therefore we have the right to discriminate against them". Frustrated that being fat was not a human right, Ms. Rolls decided to get that bouncer who was a dick to her fired from the Dome. She complained to both management at the Dome and the Nova Scotia Human Rights Commission that the fat bouncer, who was even bigger than her, weighing in at 515 pounds should be fired because he was fat. The Dome said she had a point but that the fat law only applied to women. "People go to the bars to see nice pieces, they don't look at the greasy bouncers, they want to see sexy women with big tits and curves but not with massive rolls, so if you lose some weight you can get back in, otherwise fuck off" said Dick Head the owner of the bar. Rolls told Head to kiss her fat ass and walked away.
Rolls says if she is not able to file a human rights complaint against the bar she will still continue on with her life. She says that making the bouncer cry and telling off the owner has already made her feel better about herself. She also says if she ever does reach her goal weight of 150, she still will not go back to the Dome because "it is run by assholes, it's dirty, and the drinks are way too fucking expensive".