UnNews:Wolfowitz defiant in promotion of boyfriend
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|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
13 April 2007
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WASHINGTON, DC -- The World Bank's board of directors adjourned a wet t-shirt contest on Friday over the promotion by bank President Paul Wolfowitz of his boyfriend, Harry Schlong, saying it would decide how to proceed after doing several rounds of Jello shots and some light kitten huffing.
In a statement, the board said it found that Wolfowitz signed off on Harry's promotion, salary increase and executive ballwasher service without a pee review by an ethics committee nor the board's chairman, former Enron rogue and death-faker, Ken Lay. The promotion came shortly after he started blowing Mr Schlong regularly when he joined the institution in 2005, on a Wednesday around 11:30, maybe 11:35 am.
"The executive directors will move lackadaisically until this all blows over. I mean no one expects them to really do anything besides cash in their stock options," the board said.
"In their consideration of the matter the executive directors will focus on none of the relevant governance implications for the bank. Only whether or not this situation will make them richer. While screwing over the little guy if possible," it added.
Wolfowitz was surprised by the lack of praise for Schlong's promotion and refused to apologize on Thursday, however he did say he may think about apologizing sometime next week but he wouldn't hold his breath. He also said he felt he was in "known territory" and was expert in his position even before he took the job.
"Hindsight is for fools and liberal pansies, my original instincts were to look out for me and my boytoy and keeping myself in those negotiations was the best way to do that. I don't make mistakes, and saying 'sorry' is for the weak and terrorists," he said in his lone statement at a news conference.
He then left as he had someone he needed to blow.
- "World Bank promises quick decision on Wolfowitz's fate". CNN, April 13, 2007