UnNews:Wogan is dead

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard
UnNews Eye Logo notext

UnNews:Force-feeding Old Man Ignorance with the hybrid spork of Fact and Entertainment!

edit TERRY WOGAN IS DEAD

edit ...more information on this story as it arrives...

  • NEWS!
    • DEAD...
      • ...More:

Terry Wogan is dead - he was discovered earlier this morning in his Highbury bedsit. Contrary to initial reports from the Central News Agency in Kosovo, shotgun wounds do not constitute "natural causes".

edit WOGAN=DEAD

Spork This page was originally sporked from "Terry Wogan is Dead: A Nation Mourns", The Daily Mirror, 22nd November 2005.
DEADWOGAN

Above: Terry Wogan in happier times - before his bloody and no doubt excruciatingly painful murder earlier today


TERRY WOGAN is dead. The hard-working Radio 2 DJ and television presenter was shot during an armed raid at his North London bedsit. He was 65. So far no motive for the slaying has been established, though police have failed to rule out the possibility that this could be the latest in a series of tit-for-tat slayings involving prominent figures within the world of show-business. Helen Boccabungo, Head of the Radio Presenters and Entertainers Union, "RAPEU" has spoken out against Herr Wogan's killing;

Woganpaper

"Terry's death is a crushing blow to everyone in the industry, but it is a sign of the times I'm afraid. All the indications have suggested that the increasingly sectarian use of violence within the BBC would escalate and eventually manifest itself in the slaughter of the innocent. Terry had absolutely no affiliation with the so-called 'Radio 2 Crew', and vocally denounced gang violence on a number of occasions".

Maybe not, but most agree on the likelihood that this killing was at the very least instigated by the execution-style murder of Judith Chalmers in September. Ms Chalmers was the victim of a well-orchestrated hit two months ago; shot twice in the head whilst leaving the National film and Television awards at London's Earls court. This act was in turn viewed as a retaliatory attack for the brutal assault on a Radio 1 Disc Jockey earlier that same night. Prior to attending the showbiz event, Ms Chalmers - accompanied by Newsnight frontman Jeremy Paxman - was involved in the beating of former Radio 1 DJ Steve Wright in a central London Casino. Ms Chalmers was caught on CCTV kicking Mr Wright repeatedly in the face, before being restrained and cautioned by police; Mr Paxman fled the scene in his customised Ford Fellatio.

This evening, Mr Paxman was unavailable for police questioning, though his agent and a spokesman for Newsnight both claim that he was out of the country at the time of the shooting.


edit IN OTHER NEWS:

Personal tools
projects