UnNews:Wogan is dead
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Wogan is dead
Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out
Sunday, August 2, 2015, 00:41:UTC)(
edit TERRY WOGAN IS DEAD
edit ...more information on this story as it arrives...
Terry Wogan is dead - he was discovered earlier this morning in his Highbury bedsit. Contrary to initial reports from the Central News Agency in Kosovo, shotgun wounds do not constitute "natural causes".
|This page was originally sporked from "Terry Wogan is Dead: A Nation Mourns", The Daily Mirror, 22nd November 2005.|
TERRY WOGAN is dead. The hard-working Radio 2 DJ and television presenter was shot during an armed raid at his North London bedsit. He was 65. So far no motive for the slaying has been established, though police have failed to rule out the possibility that this could be the latest in a series of tit-for-tat slayings involving prominent figures within the world of show-business. Helen Boccabungo, Head of the Radio Presenters and Entertainers Union, "RAPEU" has spoken out against Herr Wogan's killing;
"Terry's death is a crushing blow to everyone in the industry, but it is a sign of the times I'm afraid. All the indications have suggested that the increasingly sectarian use of violence within the BBC would escalate and eventually manifest itself in the slaughter of the innocent. Terry had absolutely no affiliation with the so-called 'Radio 2 Crew', and vocally denounced gang violence on a number of occasions".
Maybe not, but most agree on the likelihood that this killing was at the very least instigated by the execution-style murder of Judith Chalmers in September. Ms Chalmers was the victim of a well-orchestrated hit two months ago; shot twice in the head whilst leaving the National film and Television awards at London's Earls court. This act was in turn viewed as a retaliatory attack for the brutal assault on a Radio 1 Disc Jockey earlier that same night. Prior to attending the showbiz event, Ms Chalmers - accompanied by Newsnight frontman Jeremy Paxman - was involved in the beating of former Radio 1 DJ Steve Wright in a central London Casino. Ms Chalmers was caught on CCTV kicking Mr Wright repeatedly in the face, before being restrained and cautioned by police; Mr Paxman fled the scene in his customised Ford Fellatio.
This evening, Mr Paxman was unavailable for police questioning, though his agent and a spokesman for Newsnight both claim that he was out of the country at the time of the shooting.