UnNews:With donations lacking, Jimbo Wales turns to porn to save Wikipedia

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31 December 2008

Jimbocash

Jimmy seen here after reaching a distribution agreement with noted philanthropist Larry 'Hustler' Flynt.

CYBERSPACE - After repeatedly failed pledges to drum up the $600 million, allegedly, needed to run his liberal-biased online encyclopedia, Wikipedia, Jimbo Wales has taken to porn distribution to help the troubled site's finances. His first pledge attempt was an innocuous banner that was barely visible to the naked eye, when that received only a few small donations by confused Sarah Palin zealots, he then resorted to a 'personal appeal' that actually cost the site money due to it's continued defacement by bitter, rabid Encyclopedia Dramatica users. Jimbo's most recent pledge drive consisted of him offering to personal father children for infertile couples or single homely-looking women in search of a sperm donor (ie. Rachel Marsden).

This new revenue-raising venture has been met with stern criticism throughout the online community. Senior Editor of eBaum's World, imnotthatstupid, claims, "Jimbo totally stole this idea from Eric Bauman. We were at his house reading Something Awful and copying down... I mean yawning at their lame articles and Eric said we should generate some more cash by selling porn like Porn Toob... no.. it was an original idea! Eric thought up porn on the internet!"

Overexposed Net-Celebrity-Loser Perez Hilton commented that he heard, from a friend who is 'OMG so close to Jimmy he could unzip his fly!', that Jimmy was still smarting from his failed marriages and relationship with Ms. Marsden. This, most likely imaginary, friend then stated that Mr. Wales was suffering from sex addiction, much like former FBI Agent David Duchovny. Perez then tried to offer some photographic proof, but the 'stoopid (sic) git' had written all over it.

Meanwhile, some Netizens have embraced Wikipedia's change of revenue sources. Conservapedia founder Andrew Schlafly, was quick to defend his arch rival. "I think I have made it clear in the past that I was no fan of the way Wikipedia has editorialized it's content and raised funds. It's flaw being that every person on the planet could not only add and edit entries but also financially support the encyclopedia. As we found in the latest US General Election the majority of the populace are a bunch of liberal douchebags and to be fair and balanced information source only one person should be in charge of editorializing and that person is Rupert Murdoch."

When asked to clarify how Mr Murdoch would be able to control Wikipedia now that it will be distributing porn, Mr. Schlafly refused to comment.

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