UnNews:Winkler license plate is denied

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18 April 2009

Winkler car

Francis Winkler is outraged that his license plate has been denied.

NORMAN, Oklahoma -- State officials have denied a man the right to personalize his license plate. The man, 55-year-old Francis Winkler, had intended for the plate to read "IM GAY," but the state rejected it for being too taboo.

"We told him that it would offend the general public," says an Oklahoma Tax Commission official who requested anonymity. "But he kept telling us how gay we were and that he hoped we got some sick, whatever the hell that means."

Winkler -- a seventh-grade English teacher notorious in the online world for his 2007 "outing" by one of his English students -- said that the license plate "constitutes free speech. How in the hell is it offensive if I'm calling myself gay? It just doesn't make any sense to me. Nobody has complained about my rainbow bumper sticker, my Elton John seat covers, or any other indications that I'm gay. I hope that the state and I can come to some kind of agreement soon, because this license plate is too good to pass up, I'll be the envy of every guy at the bathhouse."

"IM GAY" is currently number 11 on the list of the 100 banned license plate numbers, a list which also includes "UR GAY," " INDBUT," "GO8SHT," "CMYTITS," "IHATEOBM," "TX SUX," "FU-AH," "A HOLE," "ISUKDK," the ever so popular "BIGPNS," and other combinations deemed inappropriate. Most of the people we talked to felt that "IM GAY" didn't belong on the list, let alone as high as 11. Surprisingly, "I8APOO" tops out at only number 66.

"I'm disappointed in the state," says one woman, 52, who wished to remain anonymous. "This is the United States, and we should be allowed to use whatever license plate we want unless it causes a disturbance, which this one clearly doesn't. How does his man's declaration of happiness effect anyone in a negative way?"

Bob Seymour, 65, felt this way, "I don't know what's up with these hippie men smooching other guys and doing the gay thing! It's just sick. But I'm really on the fence over this one. I don't support this whole gay thing at all, but I think if this Winkler wants to have a gay license plate and be damned to Hell for his Homo ways, then hell, that's his right as an American."

Winkler, who turns 56 on May 15, recently sold his movie rights to Lifetime and is pulling for Billy Bob Thornton to play him, saying, "Billy in a titanic fight with a bratty 12-year-old and the Dept of Motor Vehicles over personal freedoms is a perfect combination of drama and bureaucracy" -- Winkler vows to bring this case to the US Supreme Court, if he makes it he also has vowed "...to jack off in front of the whole courtroom in an act of defiance."

At present, Winkler intends to move to Vermont, where they will federally fund his license plate.

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